Tag Archives: Curvy Conversations

I’m Sorry!


If someone offends me, I write about it here… and if I offend someone I think I should write about it here too.

I’m not afraid to talk about race, which is why there’s a “size & race” category on this blog, but last week I made a comment in the comments section of a post that came off way wrong. I’m not sure how many of you saw the comment, but I want to make sure all of you see my apology for it.

When I respond to your comments, I may not write long responses to you because for me our exchanges feel like I’m chatting with friends. I’m also realizing that maybe I don’t explain things that need explanation and that’s what happened last week during this interaction:
Screen Shot 2013-12-08 at 6.23.58 PM

I was responding to everyone’s comments on the post. When I got to that comment and wrote “all of your assumptions are correct” I meant that the lady was Asian (which she was) and that she isn’t very PC (which she isn’t. She’s constantly saying awkward things to customers… the “you’re too big to fit in the bathroom” incident was just my turn). Unfortunately, I didn’t elaborate on my thoughts which made me come off like a jerk. I was typing quickly and didn’t think that confirming “all” of the assumptions in the comment would confirm multiple things that were offensive.

I reread the blog post and oddly enough I didn’t mention the nail lady’s race at all, probably because to me it isn’t relevant. I hate that my response to that comment shifted the focus from my weight to her race because that was not my intention at all.

I’m a woman, I’m black and I’m fat so I definitely know how frustrating it is to be stereotyped. Thanks to @PurpleOrchid and @Marchesa, the two commenters who called me out on my response. I would have had no idea that my comment was coming off racist/prejudice if you ladies hadn’t said something.

I want to say loud and clear that my I’m sorry.





It’s Too Small for You, Right? …right.


I walked into the nail salon on Saturday and the large bottle of water I drank on the way there caught up with me.

Something you should know about me is that I despise public restrooms, but my bladder is tiny so I’m forced to use them often. This has made me somewhat of a bathroom connoisseur. I’m the girl who asks her friends “how’s the bathroom?” before I go inside. When I’m interviewing for jobs, I judge companies on how their bathrooms are. (I truly believe that you can tell how much a company cares about its employees by the way their bathrooms are maintained) but I digress….

Anyway, having to use the ladies room at my nail salon is something I really try to avoid. I’ve had to use it a few times over the years and the bathroom is the size of a matchbox. Not to mention, it has no ventilation, so as public restrooms go… its my worst nightmare.

As my hands and feet finished drying, my bladder refused to be ignored. I pulled the paper from in between my toes and motioned to the salon owner ”Um, can I use your restroom?”

“Sure, straight back…” she replied.

I made my way to the restroom, opened the door and was almost knocked unconscious by the most foul odor you can imagine. Someone had gone in that small windowless bathroom and done something ungodly in there. I quickly slammed the door, wiped the tears from my eyes and ran out covering my nose.

The owner looked at me, “the bathroom is too small for you, right?” she asked.

*blank stare*

I was 99.9% sure that the bathroom smell was the work of one of the nail technicians. I didn’t want to embarrass anyone, so I said nothing, but her assumption that I couldn’t fit into the bathroom was so annoying!

If you saw a skinny girl run out of the bathroom after two seconds covering her nose, would you assume it was because that bathroom was small? No… you’d probably think she was covering her nose because of, I don’t know… a bad smell, perhaps!

Of course, because I’m a Plus Size Princess, the only issue I’m allowed to have is “not fitting” inside of a bathroom.

Its just a reminder that some people really can’t see past my weight… augh!


Is “you’re so confident!” a Backhanded Compliment?


“I really admire your confidence…”

“You are so confident girl, yassss!”

“Your confidence is really inspiring….”

These are all kind words. Words that some of you have written to me in emails and tweets, words that have kept me going on my “bad days”… most of the time when someone comments on my confidence, its genuine, positive and I love it. But today as we revisit our confidence is… complicated series, I want to talk about reading between the lines of a Confidence Compliment.

You see, most of us understand the beauty of loving ourselves at any and every size. We know it’s not an easy task, but we work on it and we lift others up as they do the same.

But… I’ve learned that some people look at Plus Size Princesses and just can’t understand how we get out of bed in the morning, let alone put on a cute outfit. They don’t understand how we walk out the door with flawless makeup and werk it on the dance floor. They watch in awe as we draw men (and women) in with our curves without even knowing it.

Because in their minds, if they were a big girl, they’d just die. If they were a big girl they’d either be at the gym working out, or they’d be in bed under the covers hiding. If they were a big girl, no amount of spanx would make them comfortable enough to wear anything other than baggy sweats. And going out to meet new people?? Forget it!

So when they look at us, living full unapologetic lives, consciously or subconsciously they can’t help but comment on it, often in the form of a Confidence Compliment.

I had a friend who regularly gave me Confidence Compliments while freaking out when she gained five pounds. After a while, I began to read between the lines and I figured out that when she said “CeCe you’re so confident” she was really saying “CeCe, if I was as big as you I wouldn’t know WHAT to do”.

Nope, she wouldn’t… and that’s okay!

*hair flip*

Have you ever watched interviews with people who have gone through intense tragedy and the reporter tells them “you’re so brave!” its kind of the same thing. Some people admire the confidence we have to show our faces through the tragedy of being overweight.

But here’s the thing– usually when those reporters call survivors brave, they downplay the situation and remind everyone that they’re just living life with the cards they were dealt. That’s how I feel about being a Plus Size Princess.

Waking up, getting dressed in clothes I love and walking out the door without hating myself isn’t “Confidence”. For me its being a normal person.

Then again, maybe it’s not normal. Maybe those backhanded compliments are really saying “I don’t love myself and I’m smaller than you… how do you manage to be a big girl and love yourself ?”

Loving ourselves at any/every size should not be an oddity. Embracing our bodies while putting our best foot forward is something we should all be empowered to do.

Weight is not the definition of who we are.

I want my life to be defined by the love I give… and the first person I’m going to show love to, is me!



P.S. NYC girls, come shop my closet this Wednesday at the #NYCurvyCloset sale (Size 10-28, Everything under $50)


Big Girls are More than Maternal Figures …Thoughts?


Before we jump into todays post, thanks to everyone who is a part of the #PSPfit bootcamp. We’ve got a few walk-in tickets for any girls who want to come workout with us and get the clean eating packet for the week. Join us, Get your $20 tix here.

Now for todays post:

My girl @FeministaJones is a great twitter personality who has a lot going for her, she used to be a lot bigger than she is so its fun to tweet with her about +size problems. Last night she got me all turned up when she called out subtle fat prejudice by tweeting this:


Hopefully you get her humor and see that she’s calling out the people who have Plus Size Princesses in their lives because we’re “safe” and make them feel good about themselves.

Yes, she said it and I echo the sentiment.

For many people, a Plus Size Princess is a safe friend. A PSP is the girl you go out with because it automatically makes you the hot chick. Is it something that’s done on purpose? I’m not sure. But ask any PSP who has lost a significant amount of weight, some of the relationships with their female friends did not survive once they slimmed down. Hmmmm.

My main fascination with this is how people refuse to acknowledge that Plus Size Princesses can have a romantic/sexual life. When I was auditioning for roles in theater, I was constantly cast as the “Mom”, the “Teacher”, the “Aunt”… even if I could sing the part of the girlfriend, my size made it impossible for casting directors to see me as an object of desire.

This type of thinking floods back into the real world and my relationships with my female friends. I am safe. It reminded me of something that happened a few years ago, so I tweeted the story to @FeministaJones:

Am I a trustworthy friend? Sure. Was I attracted to her boyfriend? Absolutely not. But think about it, if I had a Kim Kardashian body, do you think my girl would send her boyfriend to sleep over at my apartment for a few days without her? That request helped me see that for many women I’m very much a non-factor. “Lets see if you can stay with CeCe” is the same to them as “Lets see if you can stay with my Aunt Glenda”.

For many people I’m just this warm maternal figure who will take care of them and anyone around me (this happens to be true I’m a first-born and a Cancer) but to ignore that I’m also a sexual being capable of desire and being desired is to ignore my femininity and my womanhood.

…and there you have it. Thanks @languishlita for making it plain!

Thoughts? Chime in below!


Registration is Open! #PSPfit Clean Eating & Plus Size Fitness Bootcamp


Lets take the 6 weeks before Memorial Day to work with a professional Nutritionist on Clean Eating & a professional Trainer on Fitness… Are you in? Sign up today! Registration ends on April 12th.

Purchase your NYC Membership here

Purchase your Virtual (Non NYC/International) membership here


#PSPfit Boot Camp – New York City

  • 6 in-person Clean Eating Nutrition Sessions with Abra Pappa
  • “Eating to promote weight loss with PCOS” Guide
  • 6 in-person Fitness Sessions with Trainer, Anthony Truly
  • “What is Clean Eating?” Guidebook
  • Weekly Recipes and Meal Plans
  • Private Facebook Group Access (Daily Inspiration, Support and Accountability)
  • Free #PSPfit Tshirt
  • Weekly Giveaways
  • $3,000 in Prizes (based on participation, not pounds lost

#PSPfit Boot Camp – Virtual (US and International)

  • Weekly “Clean Eating” Facebook Chats with CeCe & Abra Pappa
  • “Eating to promote weight loss with PCOS” Guide
  • Virtual Fitness Sessions with Trainer, Anthony Truly, via YouTube & Vimeo
  • “What is Clean Eating?” Guidebook
  • Weekly Recipes and Meal Plans
  • Private Facebook Group Access (Daily Inspiration, Support and Accountability)
  • Free #PSPfit Tshirt
  • Weekly Giveaways
  • $3,000 in Prizes (based on participation, not pounds lost )

Questions? fitness@thebiggirlblog.com


Brazilian Waxing as a Plus Size Princess


Plus Size Princesses can get Brazilian Waxes just like anyone else. I got my first one when I went to Miami a few years back. At first I was scared to have someone all in my “nooks and crannies”, but I found aestheticians that I (and my lil’ CeCe) are comfortable with and I’ve been hooked ever since. There is a lot about Brazilian Waxing that people won’t tell you so… I thought I’d share the in depth conversation I had with my twitter PSP’s about “going to Brazil”.

P.S. Don’t forget to register for the #PSPfit Clean Eating & Fitness Bootcamp!