A few weeks ago I posted an email on my instagram from a guy I used to date.
I was trying to see if you are free. Nowadays you look HOT. Do you want to hang out tomorrow?
Wait– did this guy really say “nowadays”??
I swear to you, if I could erase one guy from my dating history it would be Elliott.
I dated Elliott when I was in a very bad place regarding my body image and self esteem. For a few months I convinced myself that maybe as a fat girl I should just “take what I could get” dating-wise. Elliott is what happened to me when I subscribed to that thinking. He was rude, had an awkward
kissing style personality and said hurtful things to me constantly.
Like the time he whispered “You know, if you lost weight you’d be REALLY hot” right before he tried to stab me in the mouth with his pointy tongue…
I went on four painful dates with Elliott until the day I decided that if he was the best I could get, I’d rather be alone.
Unfortunately, my biggest dating mistake is like a cockroach that won’t die. Although I dated him years ago, Elliott reaches out to me every 4-6 months to see “what’s up”. I’ve done everything I could to block him from my life, including lying and telling him that I was engaged and moving out of the country, which seemed to have worked until… he discovered my blog (thanks, internet!).
Hearing from Elliott last month reminded me of what the universe handed me when I decided I would take anything.
Its Valentines week and whether we have a boyfriend, a girlfriend or we’re flying solo, this is a good time for us to start thinking about the love we have for ourselves and how that affects our relationships.
Do me a favor: take a moment and think about your worst dating situation… how did you feel about yourself when that relationship came to be?
When I’m in a good place, I attract good people… when I’m in a bad place? I get the “nowadays” dude who couldn’t even kiss me properly. Looking back, I can trace my dating steps and see that as I went back to loving myself and embracing my value as a person (at any size) the quality of guys that I dated began to improve again. It wasn’t immediate… there was a lot of “single CeCe” time in there too, but as I’ve said before the single time made me into the independent girl that Robert loves.
Have you ever dated someone who was just whack? Do you think it was connected to how you felt about yourself at the time?
p.s. my favorite valentines post is called “I Haven’t Changed” if you/you’re girlfriends are feeling frustrated this Vday, you might want to check that post out too
p.p.s. Don’t forget I’m hosting an event this Saturday, hope to see you there… you can register here