Dating as a Plus Size Princess can be… interesting! Here I’ve chronicled all of my dating adventures here from online dating as a big girl, to the “BBW” club scene in NYC. Hopefully reading my stories will remind us that it is possible to find love at any size.

Plus Size Dating Standards | Body Image | Shopping with Friends #CurvyConvo, Live (Episode 2)

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Do you ever think about how upgrades are relative to what we had before? One girl may go from a flip phone to an iPhone 3 and be so hyped she wouldn’t even realize she was missing out on an iPhone 5. Another girl may order an iPhone 5, but get intimidated by all the new things it can do… return it and go back to her flip phone.

Those same things can happen in dating… Sometimes we think we’ve “upgraded” because someone is treating us better than what we’re used to. But if we’re used to being treated poorly, that doesn’t mean much.

On the other hand we may say we want to upgrade, but when it finally happens we get in our own way and can’t adapt. That was me when I first met Mr. Man: I had been whining that I seemed to only attract “flip phone dudes”, but when a “smartphone” type of guy was put in my path, I panicked and couldn’t activate our relationship.

I had a harsh conversation with myself in a post called “I said I deserved the best, but do I believe it?”  and then I pulled it together slowly. I had been praying for a certain type of guy, I had been complaining that I too deserved to be with someone who had the qualities I was looking for… so why was I shocked when he finally came along?

ask for what you deserve

In this weeks #CurvyConvo, Live! we had a good chat about plus size dating standards, body image issues and how to shop with your skinny friends without feeling uncomfy. You can watch the video below… I’m really enjoying talking to you girls live each week, so I’m going to keep it going :-)

The next #CurvyConvo, Live will happen on Monday, August 25th at 9pm Eastern RSVP here!

Also, if you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can submit it at PlusSizePrincess.com/Contact

Special thanks to my girl Amanda for hanging with me… follow her on YouTube: youtube.com/imfashionablylate

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

I’d Rather be Lonely than Date a Jerk… Thoughts??

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

 

One of the things that really stuck out to me in last week’s #CurvyConvo question and the comments that followed, is that our girl knew that a man asking her to lose weight before he dated her was a red flag, but she still considered it.

Some girls wondered why she would even think about giving this guy a chance, but I understood where she was coming from. I’ve been there. Being single is hard, craving connection with another person and not getting it can be painful and frustrating.

(related: I’m Single, What am I Doing Wrong?!)

Before I met Mr. Man, I can remember trying to make it work with guys who weren’t good for me, just because I just wanted to have someone in my life. I remember ignoring dating red flags because it just felt good to have Friday night movie plans.

We can know in our minds that we’re worthy of healthy fulfilling relationships, but sometimes in order to avoid lonliness, we settle for just any ‘ol body. Usually those are the dating situations that leave us more emotionally bruised/empty than we were before. (p.s. After making the wrong choice a few times, I can confidently say that I’d rather be lonely than date a jerk).

I'd Rather be lonely than date a Jerk PlusSizePrincess.com

Last night, during our #CurvyConvo, Live we discussed plus size dating, self love, body image and setting standards/keeping them. I’m wondering if maybe we can all commit to doing that? What are your thoughts on lonliness vs. mediocre dating?

The entire chat was 45 mins long and you can watch it here. You can RSVP for the next #CurvyConvo here.

In the meantime here’s a shorter clip on dating “Set Your Standards & Stick to Them”.

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

#CurvyConvo Video + Twitter Chat with @GarnerStyle, @Amanda_Allison, @MarieDenee & @CeCeOlisa

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

 

Is there a question you’ve been wanting to ask me, your fellow PSP’s or a plus size blogger? Sunday is your chance….

On August 10th at 6pm EST, I’d like to invite you to my first live #CurvyConvo google hangout/twitter chat (I would never get in the way of your Sunday shows, so we will finish at 7:30).

RSVP Here

Here’s Sunday’s #CurvyConvo, Live schedule:

6:00pm – 7:00pm: Twitter chat with @GarnerStyle, @Amanda_Allison, @MarieDenee and me, @CeCeOlisa. Use the #CurvyConvo to tweet with us as we talk about fashion, dating and fitness from a Plus Size Perspective.

7:00-7:30pm: Live Google Hangout with my blogger boo’s as we dig deeper into plus size love and dating with this weeks Curvy Convo question: “Should I lose Weight for my Boyfriend?” We’ll have time for a few more questions/topics so if you have a suggestion for Sunday’s hangout, leave a comment below :-)

See you Sunday!!

***Update Here is the full video of last nights chat***

 

In the meantime I’ve asked my guest bloggers to give me their favorite piece of dating advice for plus size girls… ahhh Sunday’s gonna be so much fun!!

RSVP Here

If he doesn't want you You dont want him #CurvyConvo PlusSizePrincess.com

www.GarnerStyle.Blogspot.com

Trust your instincts. Your instincts are a blessing and are there for a reason #CurvyConvo jpg

www.thecurvyfashionista.com

If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else #CurvyConvo

 

www.youtube.com/ImFashionablyLate

 

My love life improved 100 when I decided not to settle #CurvyConvo PlusSizePrincess.com

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Dear CeCe: Should I Lose Weight for my Boyfriend? #CurvyConvo

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Today’s Curvy Conversation comes from Twitter:

Hi CeCe!

I met amazing guy last night who told me I was equally amazing, but would love for me to lose weight while we get together. 

He said it so sweetly, as in “please don’t think you are not beautiful and I do want to be with you just lose a little weight…” part of me was a little sad, but a part of me wanted a reason to get back to the gym because I wasn’t getting ANY love from ANYONE.

He wants to be with me, but wants me to lose weight…I know I shouldn’t care what he thinks, but I kind of do. I kind of feel bad that a guy is the reason I want to get back to the gym, but he is so damn fine Im going HAM on that treadmill! 

I need your advice, should I care that he wants me to lose weight (“not too much I like your curves”) in order to stay w/me?

Hi there,

Thanks for tweeting/writing me :-) I’d like to address your question in a special way this week, if you don’t mind.

First, I’m going to give you a few questions to think about, below.

Second, hopefully some of our fellow Plus Size Princesses will chime in and offer your their advice, in the comments section because we all have different experiences when it comes to dating and weight loss. I think different points of view may be helpful here.

Thirdly, I’m going to dive into your question with some of my favorite plus size bloggers during my first #CurvyConvo Live Twitter chat/Video Stream on Sunday August 10th

In the meantime, here are some things for you to consider:

1.) You said you met him last night. Do you think its appropriate for a man you’ve known less than 24 hours to ask you to lose weight?

2.) Do you think motivation to live a healthy/fit life should come from others? or some from within ourselves?

3.) How would you feel if you gained the weight back and he had an issue with it?

4.) How do you feel about the “not too much” comment?

5.) If someone you’ve known for years asked you to lose weight for them– what would you tell them?

Ladies, if you’re reading this and have thoughts/advice for our girl– please help us out in the comments section.

Also, join us as we dive deeper into weight, dating, fashion and more during my #CurvyConvo: Live session.

August 10th

6:00-7:00pm EDT Twitter Chat (use #CurvyConvo, to join)

7:00-7:30pm Live Video Chat (RSVP here)

should i lose weight for my boyfriend plussizeprincess.com

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

No, My Boyfriend Isn’t “Settling” For A Plus-Size Girl

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

So, my boyfriend is skinny and I’m definitely not. But, one of the hardest things about being in a “mixed weight” relationship is other people and their opinions (and projections). While I don’t often hear comments about my weight when I’m alone, I do get a very strong message about my weight in the context of my dating life. The message comes in many forms, but it’s always the same: “You do not deserve to be with him.”

Sometimes, the message is delivered via a flirty waitress at a restaurant who smiles at him while scribbling my order — it’s straight out of a movie. Other times, the message comes from a smiling face that says, “You’re a VERY lucky girl…” Is that a backhanded compliment?

Before I met him, people warned me — both implicitly and outright — that because I opted to only date the men I found attractive (novel idea, right?), that I was a “superficial fat chick.” They said if a guy was attracted to me, I should be grateful! But, I didn’t listen. I kept my standards high started dating a Dwyane Wade look-a-like.

No, My Boyfriend Isn't Settling For A Plus-Size Girl

Body politics and dating are very tricky because people have opinions on who should be dating whom, but most of these opinions are often built on myths and judgments they subscribe to — even though they’d be too embarrassed to say them out loud. One myth is that only thin people are attractive. For some people, “fat” is synonymous with “ugly,” — I’ve been called “fatandugly” before, almost as if it was one word.

Another one? That a woman must be smaller than the man she’s with. If he’s dating a big girl, he’s settling. Why don’t we ever give big men a hard time for dating slender women? Or vice-versa? What if he’s head-over-heels attracted to her? What if their emotional connection and understanding of each other is breathtaking? Should he pass that all up because she’s fat?

These crazy myths will have us thinking we don’t “match” with certain people even if they’re interested in us — what does that even mean? As a big girl, I work so hard to manage my body image issues and I work even harder not to let those issues ruin my relationships. 

I’ve seen too many of my Plus-Size Princesses convince themselves that they’re not worthy of certain types of guys, when that’s just not true. I don’t care what you look like, if Channing Tatum is interested in you, there is something attractive about you, so please grab a dress that hugs your curves and do what you need to do. 

Most of us are sitting here with so much love and positivity to give, but instead of focusing on our beauty, wherever it lies, we absorb all the snide remarks and snickers from insecure people and let that dictate our dating decisions. When a girl tries to hit on my boyfriend right in front of my face, I can internalize it and say it’s because I’m too fat for him. Or, I can understand that women who go after other peoples boyfriend’s — right in front of them, no less — might be insecure that they don’t have someone of their own.

As I mentioned in this post, some of us have a bad habit of embracing the negative things we hear about ourselves. It’s easy to listen to the single people yapping about who we shouldn’t be dating because of how we look, but when we find someone who embraces us as we are, we owe it to ourselves to embrace them back.

I brought this topic up to my Dwyane Wade doppleganger the other day — in the context of us as a couple. “You know some people think we… don’t match,” I said. “Yeah,” he replied, “they’re probably wondering how I convinced you to date me.”

My original post can be found on Refinery29.com

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men?

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Question: Why do we love to get dating advice from single men?

Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men.jpg

I feel like we’ve all seen too many episodes of The Bachelor because somehow, we’ve put guys who can’t commit on a pedestal. Suddenly it feels like the dating scene is full of this 25 to 1 ratio of women are clamoring to unlock the hearts of the nearest man and when these men decide they’d rather keep sewing wild oats, we walk around like its our fault. We weren’t “something” enough to make them commit.

In general, it seems like we blame women for being single but we never blame men for not growing up/settling down– why?

A lot of this is happening on the internet, where there is a trend of random single men who love to dish harsh dating advice to women. Mostly saying what women are doing wrong in their dating life. These men say things like “How a woman dresses determines how I’ll treat her!”, “Don’t expect a man to pay for your dates!”, “Only loose women carry condoms!” and then there are those who reminisce publicly about their cheating. Its often posed as a cautionary tale, but I think they just enjoy reliving past conquests.

From what I observe, women eat this advice up. Its constantly being shared and retweeted and I’m not sure why.

I see dating panels and advice columns from of single men, “reformed players”, men who have never been married, men who have caused the break up of their families and then found love agan, etc. and for some reason we have a laundry list of questions for them as if what they have to say is the holy grail of dating advice.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking– aren’t these the very same types of men we’ve all been hurt by?

Men who can’t commit have somehow set things up so that women feel we’re not good enough to lock them down. Instead of thinking, hmmm maybe he needs to grow up and get it together. I refuse to believe that these men have never met a woman who was relationship/marriage material, but for some reason they keep letting those girls get away. But that’s shouldn’t be our problem!

Maybe listening to single men and reformed players makes us feel like we’re getting inside the heads of the men who we couldn’t make it work with in the past, but I’m wondering why we want to figure those men out in the first place.

To me this is like taking a class on how to befriend a bully. If someone is a bully, I have no interest in seeing what makes them tick or what I did to make them treat me badly. Instead, I’d go in search of kind hearted people and befriend them.

When a woman is single and has an opinion on dating we’re quick to shut her down, but some of my best dating advice has come from single women who have been hurt before. I’ve listened to some of the mistakes/missteps they’ve made and have been able to avoid the same heartaches that they endured.

When it comes to relationships, I tend to listen to married women more, but I don’t think we should discount the advice of single women when we’re dating… especially if we’re going to hang on every word that single men say.

…Thoughts???

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail