Dear Closet Chubby Chasers… Go Away!

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This weekend I logged onto my facebook page and I was like…

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Some dude had liked my page, left a whole bunch of comments and then started sending me private flirtatious messages asking me to call him. He even left his phone number! One of the awkward parts about being a plus size blogger, is that the pages I create to keep in touch with my PSP’s sometimes get infiltrated by creepy men. As I went to click the “block” button, I realized something. This guy was carefully perusing my photos and posts, but his facebook profile was locked down like Fort Knox. He had no photos and his name was listed as “Jamal Jamal”.

Isn’t it fascinating how men love to divulge their attraction to big women when hidden behind the veil anonymity?

The same thing used to happen to me when I was doing online dating. I’d have messages from men telling me how hot I was, but they had no photos, no profile info, nothing! Of course these men expected me to fall all over myself because they were giving me attention, but when I’d ask them to reveal their identities and send me a photo… Chubby Chaser HidingChubby Chaser HidingChubby Chaser Hiding

I am so sick and tired of men who are passionate about their “love for big women” but ashamed for anyone to know about it. The closet chubby chasers… the bbw fetish guys… the “come hook up with me in my dorm room but don’t talk to me in public” dudes… What is your problem?! Its hard enough maintaining confidence as a big girl without having to deal with your insecurities about your attraction to me. Telling a girl she’s pretty while refusing to be seen with her in public is a form of body shaming. Get out of here with that nonsense, please!

But here’s the deal… as much as I want all closet chubby chasers to go away, I can’t ignore the role that Plus Size Princesses play in making the “Jamal Jamal’s” of the world think its okay to keep us as a dirty little secret.

It’s up to us as big women not to settle for the guy who only wants to sleep with us but wont introduce us to his friends.

It’s our job not to let ourselves get sucked in by flattery from blank/anonymous profiles.

It’s our responsibility to think highly of ourselves and hold ourselves to a higher standard.

These closet chubby chasers do hurtful/shameful things to big girls because we let them. If we all banded together and said, no… we refuse to be your midnight girlfriend/pillow buddy/anonymous pen pal, then maybe… just maybe guys would cut it out. I know sometimes its hard and it feels good to have male attention, but if a guy can’t even show me his face as he tells me how beautiful I am, his words mean nothing to me. I’m going to block all closet chubby chasers and I encourage all of you to do the same…

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  • Chaeella Bee

    PREACH IT!! I actually didn’t associate it with my size when the randoms send me flirty messages with their locked down profiles – but you live and you learn.

    • thebiggirlblog

      I am too through! Lol

      • Chaeella Bee

        I checked with my BFF though – and the #anonmessageofappreciationbutwontshowmyface thing happens to Pageant queens too…

        • thebiggirlblog

          YES! Love that you’re doing research LOLOL!

          • Chaeella Bee

            LOL girl its always worth checking! The percentage of douche men is relatively small – its that they get around a LOT!

          • thebiggirlblog

            True True…

  • http://www.fatgirlfriendly.com Courtney Lynn

    AMEN! I can’t STAND that!!! It’s nice to know I am not the only one who has these issues. Guys got a LOT of nerve you know!

    • thebiggirlblog

      You’re sooo not the only one! smh

  • Meka Lewis

    “Telling a girl she’s pretty while refusing to be seen with her in public is a form of body shaming.”

    THIS!!! The sad part is that they think it’s ok. I’ve had my share of these and thankfully, I’ve learned how to spot them and nix the foolishness before it begins!

  • Ayeshainthemiddle

    I love this post. I am so encouraged and inspired by your posts. Sadly because im an “in between girl” im too thick for some guys and not big enough for others. It makes no sense lol. Seems like no mater what the size there’s an issue. Confidence is key so keep doing your thing.

    • thebiggirlblog

      Augh… I never even though about “in between” being an issue… that must be so frustrating!

    • Dion

      Oh my gosh so am I! I once went to a plus size club thing and would you know NOT ONE GUY CAME UP TO ME! I go to the “regular” clubs and I”M THE FAT ONE! I mean I wanna cry and laugh at the same damn time!

  • http://fancystephanie.wordpress.com/ fancystephanie

    And this is why I refuse to sleep with a guy unless they have relationship minded intentions. Yeah, maybe I get less sex than I would like, and yeah, maybe I get called a prude. But at least I don’t feel used, and I don’t feel bad the morning after.

  • Hayley

    CeCe, I love how you manage to put into words what the rest of us are thinking!!! Thank you for this post! It needs to be out there and said.

  • http://JustJaVonna.wordpress.com/ JaVonna

    I started reading this and laughed out loud (with a chortle). I just blocked someone for the same thing. I got a personal message from some random guy that said “What’s up Lucious?!” Boo and goodbye!!

    • thebiggirlblog

      Lucious??? *blocked* *flagged* *spam*

  • charlotte

    Great post! Just because a woman is big doesn’t mean they are seeking the attention of a creepy stalker type who wants to keep them hush hush. If he cannot hold your hand with pride and walk down the street, he’s not worth a second of your time. This goes for all women, slim, big, short, tall. If he’s not introducing you to family and friends as his partner….goodbye!

  • Su

    O yesss I definitely concur with your sentiment! I don’t consider them chubby chasers though, because as far as I know it happens to girls of all sizes. But either way, male creep behavior on social networks is definitely not to be confused with flattery, and ALL women would be better off taking the advice that you have listed!

    • thebiggirlblog

      Yes ma’am!

  • April

    These idiots have forced me to come into my own as a “big girl” who has the audacity to think highly of herself and stay above the utter foolishness of these men’s shenanigans. Like another commenter said, I don’t date as much as I would like, but I don’t have to go through that awful feeling of being misused by a man. I just can’t with these dudes! Ok, my mini-rant is over, stepping off my soapbox now…

  • 504ladybug

    Thanks for this enlightening post! I can unfortunately relate 1000%..

  • Kimberly

    Thank you sooo much for this!

  • DutchDelights

    Great great post! So recognize this!

  • Lola

    This is very inspiring Cece, thank you so much.

  • sexysammie

    I have a wonderful husband now who loves me fat, thin, inbetween tbh he likes me with meat on my bones but if I was miraculously skinny he would still love me. He loves me for who I am. I did however kiss a lot of these “men” before who made me feel worthless but without them and their complete disrespect for me I would not realise just how wonderful my husband is I suppose so im grateful.

  • http://www.pinterest.com/jaimeham/ jaimeham

    Yes this! In my singledom, I have been encouraged to join BBW websites by friends. They thought they were being helpful. I said If what I look like is preventing people from getting to know me then I don’t want to know them. This is who I am and I am happy!

  • patito

    I weigh 210 lbs @ 5’4….my fiance is 130 lbs @5’8 after hitting the buffet…..but I am his little princess…lol….don’t settle for less.

  • zen_reed

    I have been recently dating online and the compliments and attention can be pretty… well. .. yummy.
    I’ve never gotten so much male attention in my life than when I tried online dating earlier this year.
    I’m still at it and in walks this guy who seems decent, and we have a great conversation.
    After our first date which was OK he made it clear that the hour and a half distance between us was surely to be detrimental to any serious relationship but that I was hot and he wouldn’t mind sleeping with me.
    All I could think to myself was of course you wouldn’t mind… look at you. If I’m a 10 he’s a 3 on a good day.
    I continued to communicate with him and went out with him again in which I had a great time but when I invited him to a family function 10 minutes away from him the next day he declined. He mentioned sex to me a lot as if he ever had a chance but was very uncomfortable at the mention of getting serious.
    I kept wondering how someone so unsparkly could be so willing to miss a ride on this…
    Good post. .. now it makes sense.