The ONE Time I Decided to Settle… a Cautionary Tale | Plus Size Dating | Relationships

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail

A few weeks ago I posted an email on my instagram from a guy I used to date.

I was trying to see if you are free. Nowadays you look HOT. Do you want to hang out tomorrow?

Plus Size Dating Low Self Esteem

Wait– did this guy really say “nowadays”??

I swear to you, if I could erase one guy from my dating history it would be Elliott.

I dated Elliott when I was in a very bad place regarding my body image and self esteem. For a few months I convinced myself that maybe as a fat girl I should just “take what I could get” dating-wise. Elliott is what happened to me when I subscribed to that thinking. He was rude, had an awkward kissing style personality and said hurtful things to me constantly.

Like the time he whispered “You know, if you lost weight you’d be REALLY hot” right before he tried to stab me in the mouth with his pointy tongue…

*blank stare*

I went on four painful dates with Elliott until the day I decided that if he was the best I could get, I’d rather be alone.

Unfortunately, my biggest dating mistake is like a cockroach that won’t die. Although I dated him years ago, Elliott reaches out to me every 4-6 months to see “what’s up”. I’ve done everything I could to block him from my life, including lying and telling him that I was engaged and moving out of the country, which seemed to have worked until… he discovered my blog (thanks, internet!).

Hearing from Elliott last month reminded me of what the universe handed me when I decided I would take anything.

#NoThankYou

Its Valentines week and whether we have a boyfriend, a girlfriend or we’re flying solo, this is a good time for us to start thinking about the love we have for ourselves and how that affects our relationships.

Do me a favor: take a moment and think about your worst dating situation… how did you feel about yourself when that relationship came to be?

When I’m in a good place, I attract good people… when I’m in a bad place? I get the “nowadays” dude who couldn’t even kiss me properly. Looking back, I can trace my dating steps and see that as I went back to loving myself and embracing my value as a person (at any size) the quality of guys that I dated began to improve again. It wasn’t immediate… there was a lot of “single CeCe” time in there too, but as I’ve said before the single time made me into the independent girl that Robert loves.

Have you ever dated someone who was just whack? Do you think it was connected to how you felt about yourself at the time?

p.s. my favorite valentines post is called “I Haven’t Changed” if you/you’re girlfriends are feeling frustrated this Vday, you might want to check that post out too

p.p.s. Don’t forget I’m hosting an event this Saturday, hope to see you there… you can register here

facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmailfacebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedintumblrmail
  • Lara

    I think every time I was in a “place of settling,” it was because I intensely lonely due to circumstance. In general, I am usually happily single but particularly when living overseas I became increasingly vulnerable and bad people who don’t respect your heart pick up on this like the smell of bacon in the air. Bacon is so much better than bad people.

    • thebiggirlblog

      You’re so right!!! Bad people so pick up on it (and bacon smells amazing lol)

  • Lara

    I think every time I was in a “place of settling,” it was because I intensely lonely due to circumstance. In general, I am usually happily single but particularly when living overseas I became increasingly vulnerable and bad people who don’t respect your heart pick up on this like the smell of bacon in the air. Bacon is so much better than bad people.

    • thebiggirlblog

      You’re so right!!! Bad people so pick up on it (and bacon smells amazing lol)

  • laddibugg

    if you have Verizon I know you can block his number from coming through at all….just saying lol (had to do that to someone). No messy apps or anything.

    But yeah, I’ve settled in the past. I don’t know how much of that was my body image and how much was my personality–I really hate hurting people who haven’t actually done anything bad to me.

    • thebiggirlblog

      He stopped calling, but now that he has my blog email address, he just emails me annoying things ;-)

  • laddibugg

    if you have Verizon I know you can block his number from coming through at all….just saying lol (had to do that to someone). No messy apps or anything.

    But yeah, I’ve settled in the past. I don’t know how much of that was my body image and how much was my personality–I really hate hurting people who haven’t actually done anything bad to me.

    • thebiggirlblog

      He stopped calling, but now that he has my blog email address, he just emails me annoying things ;-)

      • Kristen

        I know this is old news, and I’m sure the situation has changed since you’ve written this, but are you actually willing to block him from calling and emailing? Are you exercising the options that you have? Or are you okay with him popping up occasionally?

  • slal

    since he now knows this blog exists, and this post right here(in my kat williams voice), hopefully his fool ass will get the point!

  • slal

    since he now knows this blog exists, and this post right here(in my kat williams voice), hopefully his fool ass will get the point!

  • vanessa jackson

    Hmmm…I think in hindsight we all may be able to say, yeah we’ve settled or dated the idiot but lessons were learned along the way hopefully now we know better to do better. At least I do…as for his comment…oh the come backs I could have for that child and I do mean child… “nowadays” “hot” hmmm…there must have been something utterly amazing about you back then that he can’t seem to leave you alone…remind him of that since he’s chasing you … not the other way around..oooo I’m really wanting to send him some words right now …lol… oh well Elliott she has moved forward with her hot nowadays self—congratulate Robert for seeing her as the Queen she is as he stands as the King you could never be…(that’s being nice :))

    • thebiggirlblog

      YASSSS Vanessa, lol… As for hindsight, I totally agree… I learn so much about how to handle things in the future based on my past mistakes– I think we all do (hopefully!) xoxo

  • vanessa jackson

    Hmmm…I think in hindsight we all may be able to say, yeah we’ve settled or dated the idiot but lessons were learned along the way hopefully now we know better to do better. At least I do…as for his comment…oh the come backs I could have for that child and I do mean child… “nowadays” “hot” hmmm…there must have been something utterly amazing about you back then that he can’t seem to leave you alone…remind him of that since he’s chasing you … not the other way around..oooo I’m really wanting to send him some words right now …lol… oh well Elliott she has moved forward with her hot nowadays self—congratulate Robert for seeing her as the Queen she is as he stands as the King you could never be…(that’s being nice :))

    • thebiggirlblog

      YASSSS Vanessa, lol… As for hindsight, I totally agree… I learn so much about how to handle things in the future based on my past mistakes– I think we all do (hopefully!) xoxo

  • Fuschia

    No, I have to say I never “settled” for dating a guy. I was always sure I wanted a nice looking and smart, fun guy to date. If after a couple of dates they did not turn out that way, I cut it off, not in a mean way, just cut it off. I was never lonely and searching for a guy, I felt pretty good about myself during the dating years.

  • Fuschia

    No, I have to say I never “settled” for dating a guy. I was always sure I wanted a nice looking and smart, fun guy to date. If after a couple of dates they did not turn out that way, I cut it off, not in a mean way, just cut it off. I was never lonely and searching for a guy, I felt pretty good about myself during the dating years.

  • http://thejenesaisquoi.blogspot.com/ Jeniese Hosey

    I know I have dated several losers… And I know I wasn’t in a healthy place for any of them. I settled, scraped the bottom of the barrel, put myself last. It’s scary to think about it now. I took a two year break from dating, I needed to gather perspective and a sense of self. It was refreshing and very rewarding. Now I’m in a better place and in a better relationship.

  • http://thejenesaisquoi.blogspot.com/ Jeniese Hosey

    I know I have dated several losers… And I know I wasn’t in a healthy place for any of them. I settled, scraped the bottom of the barrel, put myself last. It’s scary to think about it now. I took a two year break from dating, I needed to gather perspective and a sense of self. It was refreshing and very rewarding. Now I’m in a better place and in a better relationship.

  • http://iwearcatshirts.blogspot.com/ Allyson @ iwearcatshirts

    I wouldn’t say I ever “settled” for any of the guys I dated. I was genuinely interested in/attracted to them when we were together,
    but I did always seem to feel like they deserved better than me, because
    I saw them all in the best of lights, even though they each had their
    issues. Actually one of the big patterns I noticed was that all the guys I dated were guys who had issues that I thought I could “fix.” It’s a terrible habit of mine–must be the Pisces in me.

  • http://iwearcatshirts.blogspot.com/ Allyson @ iwearcatshirts

    I wouldn’t say I ever “settled” for any of the guys I dated. I was genuinely interested in/attracted to them when we were together,
    but I did always seem to feel like they deserved better than me, because
    I saw them all in the best of lights, even though they each had their
    issues. Actually one of the big patterns I noticed was that all the guys I dated were guys who had issues that I thought I could “fix.” It’s a terrible habit of mine–must be the Pisces in me.

  • Lucy Dorphin

    I really needed to read this article.

    I didn’t really start loving / caring about myself until maybe the past year. Before that, I dated a range of guys, but most of them were because I didn’t really care about myself, just making them happy / attracted to me. Nowadays, I am glad I can look back at those people and be like “Thank god I am in a better place, I would smack my older self if I was the person I am now.”

    • thebiggirlblog

      *high five*

  • Lucy Dorphin

    I really needed to read this article.

    I didn’t really start loving / caring about myself until maybe the past year. Before that, I dated a range of guys, but most of them were because I didn’t really care about myself, just making them happy / attracted to me. Nowadays, I am glad I can look back at those people and be like “Thank god I am in a better place, I would smack my older self if I was the person I am now.”

    • thebiggirlblog

      *high five*

  • Tanja

    Actually I was a pretty happy and positive plus size girl mostly, good confidence, looking cute. Until…….. and I kind of faded away. Right now I don’t think I could date anyone. I feel unattractive. It takes a bit to turn that around again.
    Hope the stalking guy will go away, my advice is to completely ignore it.
    I was one of the first popular plus size bloggers. Years ago. The amount of followers was growing and growing. Really awesome. But with it also came the critics. And the rude ones. And the racists. And guys who “fell in love”. One person got so obsessed that it scared me so much I closed my blog. And I so wish I had never done that!
    Keep going, you’re awesome!

  • Tanja

    Actually I was a pretty happy and positive plus size girl mostly, good confidence, looking cute. Until…….. and I kind of faded away. Right now I don’t think I could date anyone. I feel unattractive. It takes a bit to turn that around again.
    Hope the stalking guy will go away, my advice is to completely ignore it.
    I was one of the first popular plus size bloggers. Years ago. The amount of followers was growing and growing. Really awesome. But with it also came the critics. And the rude ones. And the racists. And guys who “fell in love”. One person got so obsessed that it scared me so much I closed my blog. And I so wish I had never done that!
    Keep going, you’re awesome!

  • Barbara

    I’m 28 (29 in 2 months) and I’ve never been on a date. Apparently both my size, my hight (5’11”), and my somewhat tomboyish attitude makes me unwanted by men. Sure they are happy to have sex with me but when it comes to taking me out and showing me some love that’s where they draw the line. Nothing makes you feel lonely and unwanted like having nothing in your past but a sting of men who want nothing but uncommitted sex. I can only hope the one day I have the confidence to find someone who wants more from me then a cheap roll in the hay.

  • Tan

    Clearly late! Sorry about that!
    Worst man ever had to be this one guy who actually said “you know, your cousin seems to be getting hotter and you just seem to be getting worse”
    Right after a kiss.

  • JB#3

    I know I’m tardy for the party but I just discovered your blog and was reading the postings. I think it’s great to encourage other PSP’s to love themselves on Valentines day and not focus on having someone there to love them. As a single PSP, (I do even if I’m in a relationship) I buy myself a gift every Birthday, Valentines Day, Mother’s Day and Christmas even if something small like a CD, flowers off the street or a cheap pair of earrings. This celebrates you on those days and it also ensures that you get something that you like. :)