“What Does Your Boyfriend Look Like?” | Plus Size Dating

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There I sat in my living room, gushing about Kevin to my room mate Jose. Jose and I weren’t that close, but was on a high from a whirlwind Christmas Vacation where I found out that my middle school crush liked me back in the day… and still did! (To read the Kevin chronicles, click here) Basically, I was ready to talk about Kevin to anyone who would listen…

“So, what does Kevin look like?” Jose asked as he scrolled through the Grindr app on his phone.

“Um… he’s cute. He’s just really sweet and super smart, he actu–”

“Do you have a picture of him?” Jose said, squinting and cocking his head to the side.

Eager to keep talking about Kevin, I scrolled through my phone and pulled up a photo of Kevin and I from our last night together. “Wow, he’s really cute,” Jose said, then he looked at me “Hmm” he grunted to himself, “well good for you”.

There are a few things I hear all the time as a Plus Size Princess who dates one of them is the constant request for pictures of him. Fast forward to now, I’m dating Robert and the photo requests have not stopped.

I’ve even shown people a photo of Robert by himself only to be asked for a photo of us together…Do they they think I’m doing some sort of relationship catfish trick and lying about having a boyfriend?

Maybe they just want to size up what type of guy I’m pulling… I don’t really understand it, but I don’t notice my skinny friends being asked to show pictures of their boyfriends/girlfriends all the time.

Do any of you get asked to show pictures of your significant others? Does it make you feel awkward?

p.s. I’m collaborating on a #BigGirlLoveStories YouTube series with the fabulous Amanda Allison where we talk about dating as a big girl. We cover lots of topics including, BBW dating sites and dating “skinny” or “hot” guys:

What Dies Your Bf Look Like Plus Size Dating CeCe Olisa

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  • laddibugg

    I”m a nosy bee so I ask everyone what their boo looks like lol.
    But yeah, I’ve felt like some people ask because they think I can’t pull a certain ‘type’ of dude. In addition, most of the dudes I”ve dated were non Black (and much, much smaller than I), so the ‘shock’ was intensified when they saw a picture

    • thebiggirlblog

      I actually couldn’t even bring up to interracial aspect of it on this post. I’m an equal opportunity dater, so people get real wide eyed when they see that too… *sigh*

      • laddibugg

        Oh yes, that is a whole ‘nother post by itself! But surely a worthy one if/when you feel like writing it.

  • MollieBeee

    Happens to me ALL the time!!

    • thebiggirlblog

      *whew* glad to know its not just me….

  • Atmikha

    Just want to say that all this fitness and PSP lifestyle changes is definitely kicking in. Cece, you are radiant with health and positive energy! You are my role model!

    • thebiggirlblog

      You’re so sweet, thank you!! xoxo

  • Curvie Birdie

    Yes that does happen, but more so with my family. My grandmother will ask me if he is fat too! So at this point, I don’t even mention any new person I’m dating until it is very serious.
    http://www.curviebirdie.com

    • thebiggirlblog

      *frozen*

  • Gabrielle Hudson

    People always ask because they are more surprised that I even have a bf than anything else. When I first started dating my now fiance, people would ask how he looked and when I would say he is a cute guy and they saw the picture if him they would say oh he IS a cute guy as if I was lying the first time I said it or like I couldn’t date a good looking man. So yea I feel you!

  • Su

    I actually never got that. I think because I’m en route to getting a PhD everyone was always more concerned with ‘what he does for a living’ rather than what he looks like….or maybe because I’m pretty open and visual about my serious relationships there was no need to ask about looks…either way the whole question thing irritates me regardless. Why don’t people let someone tell or show you what they want to about their partner…if they don’t offer up a tidbit then obviously they didn’t think to share it with you!!! Uggh!

    • thebiggirlblog

      That’s an interesting point… I wonder how much of those questions have to do with where I/we are in life and who we’re around. Robert is in finance and I do get the “OH!” about that too but not as much… but you’re right… none of it really matters. *double uggh*

  • Kera

    Whenever I mention my boyfriend around girls, they do end up asking to see a pic and then they’re like wow he’s so cute. But sometimes these convos about boyfriends come about because they ask me if I have one, so it’s not like everyone thinks I’m incapable of getting a man. I know from a personal standpoint, I am usually curious when anyone mentions they have a significant other just because I want to see what kind of people end up together. When big girls (and guys for that matter) mention they have someone I realllllly like to see a pic. This is bad because for all of my adolescence I was ignored by all men except old pervs and guys that weren’t attractive to me. I got lonely and it would’ve been easy for me to settle for someone I didn’t really want. That makes me want to know if other big girls have “settled” for a guy that’s not that hot. I know it sounds so superficial, and I know people date for factors other than looks but I like to see a pic to give me hope that big girls can actually get the sexy guys that any girl would want. As far as you Cece, if its people that read your blog I think they just want to put a name with a face. I know a few years ago you didn’t put pics of yourself and I really wanted to know who the girl behind the words and stories was. It’s the same for Robert. That comment was hella long lol, sorry!

  • Lona nods

    the last guy i dated, i felt like people didn’t believe he was a real person. they kept asking how did we meet a little to pushy as if it was hard to believe that a guy that cute would be into a plus size woman. they kept saying be careful, you never know. as if he genuinely couldn’t like me. and always asking if we were still together. oddly enough, we stopped seeing each not because of his hangups about my weight but because of mine. but anyway, i find that some friends still have a problem with a cute guy liking and having a preference for plus size women. i think they only think that i’m suppose to date other plus size men and that’s it and that’s all they really consider for me whenever they really do try to fix me up with someone. it’s sad really, because i tend to distance myself from them because it feels that they don’t think enough of me to think that i could pull a guy who isn’t plus like me.

  • Thickness Tees

    I always get that because my girls know that I always pull the fine ass hell ones! LOL! Which I never seem to have a problem doing…so its always a “who did she pull this time” moment. Lol! If you have friends that wouldn’t believe that you could in fact date someone who is not only attractive but has some smarts about him because of your size…then you don’t need them as your friend.

  • thecurvydigest

    This post made me realize I DO get shade from people and didn’t even realize it. And I am AA and normally date interracially so as the comments below it throws them off even more. Smh

  • jey

    It happens to everyone…don’t take it so personally. I’m constantly asking people for the pics of their significant others

    • thebiggirlblog

      :-)

  • Penelope-Myles Voss

    I just started reading your blog and I love all of your posts! This one resonated with me particularly, as this is something I struggle with. I don’t date much but when I am dating someone my friends are always super shocked if he is good looking. Just the other day I was talking about a cute mutual friend to my BFF and telling her how he was flirting with me and seemed kind of interested, and she brushed it off, saying “he must be the kind of guy who flirts with everyone!” I know she didn’t mean it to offend me, but it hurt my feelings that she couldn’t even entertain the idea that he could be interested in me. This kind of thing really gets at me – in our thin-obsessed culture, I feel like I am always fighting to be as confident as I am, and it hurts when friends make me feel like I don’t deserve to be!

  • carisa

    Well, I dont have this issue anymore. It’s far more accepting for a big girl to be married than to be dating, which doesn’t make sense…UNTIL, they ask me that magical question: “How may kids do you have?” Like as if the only possible excuse for my bigness and having been married is that I was thin when I met my now husband, got married, then had kids and got fat. >.> No, honey; my wedding gown was a size 20 and I’m childless.

    • thebiggirlblog

      You’re soooo right… wives can be fat, girlfriends cant… fascinating!!!!

  • Morgann Belle

    I don’t ask, unless I doubt that a boyfriend really exists.
    I had a plus size friend who would invent stories of having 4 boyfriends…
    It’s sad to feel such pressure to show you have a partner, that’s what’s sad; not people asking to see them on a pic on its own…

  • Mabia Barros

    I don’t know how it works there, but here at Brasil we ALWAYS ask for photos (we have a local tv presenter who is known for yell “IBAAAAGES” to his staff, its always funny — so we ask it that way) if a friend is seeing someone new, met at the gym or is crossing the street. LOL If we can’t take a picture at the moment, we try to finde the person on facebook. ;D

  • Alison

    I once had one of my closest friends (admittedly, one of my least tactful friends) ask for a picture of my dude, and upon seeing it, she audibly gasped, grabbed my arm, and said, “Aren’t you WORRIED about him being around OTHER GIRLS??”. I was like, thanks for bringing to light all of my insecurities, boo – you’re a doll.

    • thebiggirlblog

      I CANT!

  • willow

    I am ok with people asking to see my bf’s pic. What i do not like is the look of surprise/wonder on their faces that accompanies some form of “oh he’s cute!” comment