I’ve Lost Weight and Still Feel Like a “Big Girl” (Curvy Convo)

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Hey CeCe,

I’ve been reading your blog for quite awhile now. I recently made a decision to lose weight earlier this year. I did a complete diet change, and I have been working out constantly. As of now I have lost over a total of 60lbs.

I am fine with not being skinny. I am more concerned about being healthy. My problem is, I can’t adapt to the “new me.” I guess I shouldn’t say new me because I’ve always been the same person.  Family and Friends constantly compliment me over this major transformation.
Of course, I say thank you and tell them what I’ve been doing to lose the weight. However, In my mind I’m still that “big girl”. I can’t seem to shake her out my life. She’s like a shadow I can’t hide from. I can shop at new places, and my body is more womanly than ever.
How do I learn to let her go? What makes it so hard to say goodbye to the old you?
 
Signed- CL
Hi CL,
I know there are some girls reading this who have lost significant amounts of weight… I’m really hoping they’ll leave comments for you down below because they probably have some great advice for us.
You and I have been emailing a bit over the past week, thanks so much for being patient while I  learned how to work my camera and filmed a video response for you… The video is blurry (augh!) but I’m still learning…so, here you go!

From the emails you’ve sent, you seem like a cool and confident girl. Please remember that you haven’t changed and from one size to the next, who you are wont change. We often ask people to look past appearances and see the person inside… I think we have to remember to do the same for ourselves.
Like I said in the video, treating our former/heavier self like a horrible person discounts all of the amazing things we’ve accomplished at a larger size. Life doesn’t begin when we lose weight, so we have to remember to honor all the different stages of our lives that help us to become who we are.
You’re a valuable person at your current size and you were a valuable person 60 pounds ago.
Hope that helps (…anyone else have thoughts for CL?)
xoxo,
CeCe
CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com
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  • Tialia Booth

    1) Congrats on your weight loss! That is absolutely AWESOME and AWE-INSPIRING! You ROCK! 2) I can tell you from experience it’s VERY hard to come to terms with the new person that you see in the mirror and that the world sees on the outside. What I would tell you mirrors pretty much what Cece has already said. You have to believe that you were WORTHY and WORTH the love and affection of your friends, family, others BEFORE you lost the weight in order to even begin to come to terms with it now. Trust me–I know that is much easier said than done and being 200 plus pounds down from where I was over a year ago I STILL am coming to terms with it. It does get easier with time but trust and believe there are still days (sometimes everyday) that I get a glimpse in the mirror of myself and have a hard time believing who I see is real. For me it helps to keep repeating a positive mantra to myself over and over and having good friends and family that reinforce how wonderful I am day in and out…especially when I’m having a hard time loving and accepting the reflection I now see in the mirror. 3) sometimes it also helps to have a silly moment in front of the mirror naked and sing and dance to the following: “shake it! don’t break it! It took yo’ mamma 9 months to make it!”

    4) Ok so maybe I lied about #3 but you just laughed out loud at the very thought and hey…laughter is the BEST medicine right? :-D

    • Atmikha

      I have been bigger and smaller, and along with the positive feelings of being closer to the average height for my weight, I have also felt some anger about how much more the world loves me when I’m smaller. Weird, but true. I guess I don’t like being judged for my appearance, even if that judgment is positive. Maybe my fat is a manifestation of my anger, and my way of gaining some control over the way I am seen. My way of forcing the world to see the “real” me. Anyway, I’ve gone through a few pregnancies now, and my body has been so warped and distorted that I’ve let some of that go. I’m pretty sure I’ll never see my waist again, no matter what I weigh. My body is not me.

  • HourglassAM Liz

    Awesome advice from CeCe! I’ve gone up and down in weight a lot throughout my life and found that when I’m at my tiniest I still have that “big girl” mentality about myself at times too so I can relate. I have a friend who lost over 100lbs in the last 2 years and she looks fabulous but still thinks of herself as “the fat girl” though she is far from it. She knows she looks great, she’s proud of how far she’s come but we all still have our moments. There isn’t really a “cure” for it – it’s always a work in progress I find. Just remember how far you have come and that who you are and your value as a person – as a human being – doesn’t begin and end with the numbers on the scale or on the size tag of your clothing. Also remember that big girl is just a state of mind and it’s up to you to decide who you are. I find self talk to be a great means of motivation in many areas of life. When the inner voice is being negative somtimes you just have to be bold enough to tell it to quiet down, and replace it with positive thoughts. Fake it ’til you make it I always say. :) Habits form from repetition so make telling yourself what you want to believe, a habit. Eventually you should begin to believe it – and what you believe is real to you. You go girl. Congrats on your 60 lbs loss! That’s OUTSTANDING! *applauds* I bet you look fantastic. :)

  • CHELZ

    Thank You Ladies for your advice. I agree 100% with everything you said.
    It really means a lot to me. Its just the journey for me has been overwhelming. I don’t see what everyone else sees. I just see this “big girl” in my mind.
    CeCe thank you so much for talking some sense into me. The size of my jeans or shirt isn’t what makes me. I’m going to continue to work on this mindset

  • Dana

    CL, I would talk to the people that constantly make those comments to you. Tell them that while you appreciate the nice words about how you “look,” it’s really about your overall health. You must have had a significant lifestyle change in order to accomplish those results. A lot of times people want to achieve results like you have, but tune out the minute they hear how much work you put in. From personal experience, I know that to be true.

    With your closest confidantes, you could even share the struggles you’re having. But trust me, eventually those comments about your new appearance will fade, because it will stop being new. Maybe someone in your life will make some changes in their life and you’ll be the cheerleader for them.

    Hope that helps.

  • gina white

    Gina White here , you follow me on twitter. My daughter Angelea Star Is the same way now she just lost 25 Lbs and I found it !
    But seriously she always drags around that feeling like it will come back. Ya know the weight?
    Best wishes sweetie. Merry Christmas !
    I say enjoy what you have when u have it because one thing is for sure , things don’t always stay the same ! Live life day by day to the fullest extent of joy ! Xoxoxo, Have Faith and Love,
    Mamma G’

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    How exactly are you unable to adapt? What exact concerns cross your mind?

  • Lada

    Hey Cece, I want to know how you deal with “trust” when it comes to your dating life. I had a huge crush back in the day on a guy I went to school with. I was also a lot bigger back then and I think it was obvious that I liked him. Now I have lost some weight and I saw the guy at the grocery last week. I haven’t seen him since I went to college. Well he came up to me in the store acting all excited and stuff and asked me how was I doing, telling me I looked good, how he was excited to see me and I was cordial and all. Then he asked me for my number and if we could catch up before I leave town. I gave him my number and said maybe I’m really only in town for the holidays. But in all honesty I was a little angry. Why is he talking to me now? I dont think Im by any means ugly even when I was heavier so what could have made him change his mind about me now? I dont think I could be in a relastionship with someone like that. At the first sign of weightgain is gone pack it all in? I dont know any way hit me back Cece.

  • Cate

    I lost about 85lbs over about 3 years, so my change wasn’t nearly as dramatic as it seems yours might have been, but I kind of think that Big Girl thought doesn’t ever go away, you just add more monikers to your list. I started losing weight mostly through nutrition; it wasn’t until maybe 40lbs down that I really started working out, running, doing yoga, and participating in life more. After I started living more and getting even smaller (i’m around 165 now, so not THAT small), I still think of myself as the Big Girl, but I also think of myself as the Yoga Girl, the Running Girl, the Volunteering Girl, the Healthy Cooking Girl. Eventually the Big Girl is just a line on a long list of what makes you you.