Do You See Yourself as Beautiful?

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One of the most frustrating parts about dating as a Plus Size Princess is when guys think that if they tell me I’m beautiful, that will be the highlight of my life.
I’ve had guys tell me I’m beautiful and then ask if anyone has ever said that to me before (um, backhanded compliment much?) I’ve had guys tell me I’m beautiful and then sit back with a smug look like they’ve just cured cancer. *yawn* I’ve had guys tell me I’m beautiful and then expect me to fall all over myself in gratitude *blank stare*
These moments frustrate me, because even though I may have bad days, I understand that beauty is something we all posses. Looking at this thread on facebook it looks like this “beautiful” thing is a struggle for a lot of us.

I can’t help but wonder if men know that this is a sore spot, so they use “beauty compliments” as a quick way to endear themselves to us. “He told me I was beautiful” isn’t a good enough reason for me to date/hook up with someone… but for a lot of girls it is.

Maybe if we shared tips on how to find beauty in ourselves the way we so easily find it in others we could all put beauty into perspective. Instead of seeing beauty as this thing that’s out of reach, we can grab hold to the beauty each of us has and rock it like only we can…
Feel free to chime in below… do you see yourself as beautiful? If so, how do you do it?
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  • Atmikha

    I think this is just a “thing guys do” when they want something. When I was in high school, kids started to get access to cars around Junior year, and so Cruising became a thing. My friends and I would get into a car, and a conversation would ensue: “You know, you are really beautiful…” and then there would be a grab for second base. Different car, different guy, same scenario. Finally, I asked a guy, “Is there some kind of handbook going around?” When I got older, I’d hear the same thing, probably with more sincerity, but still awkward. The only response is a “thank you” and silence, Maybe followed by “OK.” It means nothing really, and kind of sets up my guard for what strings might be attached.

    • CeCe Olisa

      YES! I think you’re on to something… saying “you’re beautiful” as a means to an end is annoying but I think some of us may fal for it if we don’t see the true beauty that we have…

      • Atmikha

        When a man thinks I’m beautiful, he doesn’t have to say it. I can see it in the way his eyes widen, he kind of has that staring and hard to breathe thing going on, and most guys tend to stop saying much at all, and it is kind of up to me to break the ice and normalize things, Not that I’m that much more beautiful than anyone else, it’s just that in the right dress, and in the moonlight, it can all come together. Once a guy met me at the airport, hugged me hello and murmured “I’m holding a beautiful woman in my arms,” in this kind of surprised way. Now THAT’s a compliment!

    • Leanne

      Yes, there is a handbook going round, it’s unwritten but it’s there.

  • Rebekah Jo

    Sadly I too am always leery when a guy compliments me on my looks. I’m always waiting for the catch. I had a complete stranger, a guy, come up to me recently and say to me “You are really shockingly beautiful. I just thought someone should tell you.” I was stunned. I didn’t know if he really thought I was beautiful or if he thought that people of my size couldn’t be beautiful and was shocked. It was very confusing.

    Why is getting a compliment for women of size so difficult? Is it because society tells us that woman can’t be beautiful if they aren’t super model thin?

  • Maribel M.

    Yes, generally speaking, I think I’m beautiful. I’ve been some variation of fat my entire life and I’ve been able to work with it (I’ve always worked out in some way) and not get beaten down by the fact that I’ll never be a size 2, 6 or even 10. It’s not about the physical either. I have a great career and have always prided myself on my independence (in my finances and in love). I used to not feel beautiful because not many men seemed to be interested in me, so those few times I got a compliment, it did feel like the highlight of my life. Now when I get a compliment, not gonna lie, I love them, but I’d like to think it’s because I carry myself in a confident way that makes them WANT to comment, rather than looking at it like they’re doing me some kind of favor.

  • Maribel M.

    Yes, generally speaking, I think I’m beautiful. I’ve been some variation of fat my entire life and I’ve been able to work with it (I’ve always worked out in some way) and not get beaten down by the fact that I’ll never be a size 2, 6 or even 10. It’s not about the physical either. I have a great career and have always prided myself on my independence (in my finances and in love). I used to not feel beautiful because not many men seemed to be interested in me, so those few times I got a compliment, it did feel like the highlight of my life. Now when I get a compliment, not gonna lie, I love them, but I’d like to think it’s because I carry myself in a confident way that makes them WANT to comment, rather than looking at it like they’re doing me some kind of favor.

  • Snaps of Ginger

    I don’t really see myself as beautiful, maybe pretty or cute. My friends tell me I am all the time but guys, rarely. I think they have a hard time seeing anything but the chubbiness. Maybe if I saw myself as beautiful, they would too :-)

    ~Cheryl
    http://snaps-of-ginger.blogspot.com/

  • Sherry

    This happens to me too! Like, I have a mirror. And being plus-sized does not make me blind. The fact that some guys have the audacity to think we’ve never heard it before is mind blowing. The worst part is how proud of themselves they are. It makes my skin crawl.

  • http://mykurves.blogspot.com/ Kurves

    We are all beautiful in the eyes of those who truly love us & do not have to be reminded by others everyday. We have mirrors and we look at ourselves every chance we get. I am more Confident now and do not consider myself beautiful and Confidence is way more Sexy. . .

  • MAyaMayaMaya

    It’s only annyoing when it’s an old creeper…please, I look older but i’m not!

  • JayFay

    I do. Took me a while, but I’ve been hearing it all my life. When I started putting on weight in my late teens, though, it often was “you have such a pretty face” (how many of us have heard that?) but once I settled into both my plus-size skin and my now fairly evolved sense of style, I realized that I am beautiful, with no strings attached. Not “beautiful for a big girl” but just beautiful. I’ve heard it from men of all colors, ages, shapes and sizes. And from women, too. I was just shopping for makeup at Sephora last week and the store associate who was helping me told me I have “amazing facial structure” but said it as if she were sharing Brand-New Information with me for the first time, as if I don’t already know that I have enviably high cheekbones and pretty almond-shaped doe eyes that easily are the star of my face (I promise you, I’m not vain – but when you hear good things often enough from a wide sampling of friends and strangers, you have to accept them as true). I believe she was well meaning but I do think that a lot of people assume all non-skinny women are hard up for attention and compliments.

    Like others who have commented, I, too, am wary of “you’re beautiful” comments from creepy dudes on the street but I still can be surprised if it’s coming from a nice, normal-seeing guy who I consider to be not the usual type who’s attracted to me. But it isn’t an all-access pass to getting with me ;) We all have to know our value and decide that we’re worth waiting/fighting for and not easily obtained.

  • klalle00 Personal

    I live my truth and I can’t contain the fabulous. So I get you are so beautiful comments all the time. I say thanks or I know. Then keep it moving.

  • sau mei
  • Go Curvy

    sadly our culture has a sickness and our standards of beauty are distorted and we celebrate unhealthy and unreal bodies. We wrote an article about that feel free to check it out gocurvyblog.tumblr.com

  • Smart Alex

    I think I am beautiful. What bothers me is that other people take issue with the fact that I think I am so. I distinctly remember making a rather positive comment about my looks and a woman said, “my don’t you have a high opinion of yourself”? Then, when I asked her why I shouldn’t…of course, she didn’t have an answer. I think plenty of plus sized princesses feel they are beautiful, but aren’t allowed or encouraged to feel that way because of their size. I know you shouldn’t depend on anyone to feel a certain way about yourself, but let’s be real–we do.

  • Dion

    I’ve always had a problem when someone tells me I am beautiful. I look at them like they said my mother is a whore! lol So when a guy tells me that (which is FAR in between and who is not homeless, creepy and toothless) I am BLOWN away. I am ready to marry them, have their kids, retire with them and ALL! lol I just turned 30 in July, and I have heard people say, RIGHT TO MY FACE, that if I lost X amount of weight, hoe BOMBTASTIC I would be. Which of course made me turn around and ask myself “am I knot good enough now? “…hence when a guy says that I am, I am ready to hand over the keys to my apartment.

  • Sarah Mortensen

    I do know that I am beautiful now… However, it’s been a long road to getting there. I used to look for my beauty in compliments from others- particularly guys. Sadly most males my age don’t see beauty in a plus size princess, and the best compliments I ever got on my beauty were “You’ve got such a pretty face.” Talk about a backhanded compliment. Needless to say, my self confidence was at an all time low. So one day, (with the help of Cece’s blog, the eff your beauty standards movement, and my own epiphany) I decided that my beauty is not defined by others. The only person keeping me from feeling beautiful was myself. I started taking better care of my self physically and mentally. I tell myself everyday that this body- whether a size 2 or 22- keeps me living, and that’s all the motivation I need to know I’m beautiful some days. Other days, it’s harder; that’s when my ‘Fake it until you make it’ motto comes in :).

  • Kyla K

    I definitely struggle with this, as a teenager. Being PSP in high school is not acceptable where I’m from. I’ve never had any kind of real male attention and for the longest time I associated lack of attention with lack of beauty. Recently, however, I’ve discovered that beauty is something to be found in everyone, regardless of shape or size. Though I still lack the attention I sometimes crave, I understand it may be because I haven’t found the right guy, not that I’m not desirable.