“She is plush, soft and gorgeous and I’m quite happy to take her to bed every night,” Bruce said of his Plus Size girlfriend, Jess.
VH1 has a new show called “I’m married to a…” where they profile “unconventional couples“. The premier episode featured a “BBW and FA” relationship. For those who don’t know, BBW = Big Beautiful Woman, FA = Fat Admirer. (side note: I gave my TV the longest *blank stare* over the fact that dating a big girl is considered shocking enough to be on this show). Anyway, as they profiled Bruce and Jess, I noticed something. Bruce could not keep his hands off of Jess. There was footage of him pinching her face, kissing her constantly, chasing her around the house and spanking her and wiggling his eye brows as he spoke about sleeping with her and explaining to the camera and his male friends that “Fat sex is… its nirvana!” he also said “I could look at Jess from any angle and get a chill up my spine and say ‘yeahhhhh that’s all mine’!”
I am always irked when men act like sleeping with Plus Size Princesses is the only reasons they give us the time of day. You’ve heard this talk before… “More Cushion for the Pushing”, “I don’t want to feel like I’m breaking a girl when we’re in bed, big girls can handle it!”, “They’re give you shade in the summer and warmth in the winter”, the list goes on and on. Even though Bruce seems to have good intentions he is poster child for someone who is dating a personification of their fetish instead of dating a person.
Is there anything wrong with him feeling this way about Jess? Nope! But Bruce said nothing about the personality traits Jess has, instead he focused on constantly detailing their sex life. As far as I can tell, if he writes his own vows when he marries her (as he plans to do) he will stand on the altar and make a passionate speech about how good it feels to sleep with her. Awk!
We need to take a very close look at the types of women we’re quick to sexualize and the types of women we shield from that type of talk. Here are some questions I have:
-Do we ever hear men talk about their skinny girlfriends this way? I’ve never seen a guy on TV ranting about the amazing way his skinny lovers body feels. I also don’t see men with skinny girlfriends going on and on about how great it feels to sleep with a small girl. I feel like if being with your girlfriend is “nirvana” that’s information for you and her to share and taking it upon yourself to publicize her intimate qualities is disrespectful.
-Why do men lead with the sex as the reason they date big women? I understand that there’s a bit of overcompensating happening in these situations, especially if men are getting a hard time from their friends about being with a Plus Size Princess, but I see no reason to convince the world that what you’re doing is pleasurable. If you like her, date her and keep it moving. If you’ve got something to prove, don’t use me/my body to do it.
-How much is too much? All men have things that they’re attracted to. I’m currently dating a “boob man” and I don’t mind that he might mention his attraction to The Twins in public. I had to ask myself why something like that is okay, but the comments Bruce made about Jess are not. I think there is a big difference between openly discussing your attraction to someone and openly discussing the sex you have with that person.
Just like I hate when men flirt with me by saying “I love big girls!”, I don’t think leading with my size is ever appropriate or cute. No matter what size I am, if someone asks why you’re with me and all you can talk about is our physical chemistry? We’ve got a huge problem.
I will never be interested in the fact that you love big women, I will only ever care about if you love me. On the other hand, if these men are continually talking like this, that means there are some women out there who enjoy it, so how does this sit with you? …thoughts???