Filed Under: Curvy Conversations, Dating, PSP in NYC
Before we jump into today’s question, I’ll be appearing on AriseTV today at 1pm discussing plus size dating. It live streams at 1pm you can tweet questions to @OurTakeAriseTV and follow along via the #ourtakearise hashtag.
Today’s question comes from Twitter:
@CeCeOlisa remember I told you I was on the dating website. I’m not havin much luck. Not sure what to do next?
— deepinky (@Prime_Bee) June 11, 2013
@CeCeOlisa the guys that do hit me up, aren’t really my type. I’ve been single for 2 years and losing hope
— deepinky (@Prime_Bee) June 11, 2013
Oh, @Prime_Bee… I know how you feel.
Mutual attraction is one of the hardest parts about dating as a Plus Size Princess, in my opinion. I go through phases where I swear I’m just a magnet for weirdos and when I started dating online, it was all laid out in my inbox.
The first time I opened an online dating account, I was so hopeful. All of my girlfriends were going on dates with cool guys they had met online. These guys were taking them on creative dates, putting in effort to get to know them, you know… actually courting them! So when I opened my account and the messages started pouring in, I was almost giddy– until I read the messages:
50% of them were blatant sex propositions
25% of them were from men who lived in third world countries
Then there’s the other 25% who were actually interested in dating me, the problem was I was 100% NOT interested in dating them. Some were too old, some were too obsessed with my body size and some were too unfamiliar with the English language (If your message says “wassup sxy u look gud” I will delete it).
Let’s face it, for whatever reasons dating a big girl is still considered a big deal to many people and because of that, there are men who aren’t secure enough to holler at a Plus Size Princess, no matter how attracted he is to her. As I mentioned in “Plus Size Dating: A Blessing or a Curse?”, we have to be honest with ourselves and just accept the fact that there are men who are totally into PSPs, but will NEVER admit it *shrugs*
On one hand that’s an awful thought… on the other hand, if something like our weight makes a guy punk out, that’s not the guy we want anyway!
Okay, so you’re online and you’re not having much luck… here are my thoughts on shaking up your luck:
- Get offline – No, I don’t mean delete your account. I mean get up, walk away from your computer, get dressed and go out! Online dating is a great way to meet people, but it shouldn’t be the only way. Before I met Robert, online dating was a subsidy for my dating life, so if I only met one guy online in a month it was okay, because I was also meeting guys around the city and dating them too. If you put pressure on your online dating accounts to find dates, its too much… mix things up.
- Send Messages – I will often send a simple “Hi, How are you?” to guys I think are attractive. If they message me back, we chat a bit and sometimes they’ve said they were glad I hit them up because they didn’t think they were my type. You never know!
- Remember You – What do you like to do? What are you interested in? Go do those things… I always say that dry spells are the best time to get in touch with who we are. That sense of self, shifts our focus away from the “man hunt” and then we relax and hopefully become content/confident with our lives… which is always attractive.
- Date Outside of Your Type – If a man approaches you online and he’s not what you think you’re looking for physically, but he’s respectful… I’d go out with him. I’ve had great dates with guys I didn’t think I’d be “into”. Take a look at your non-negotiables, if your list of things a man must have/be is really outrageous, reassess your needs vs. your wants. (My list of non-negotiables is: Taller than me, Smart, Christian… that’s it!)
- Don’t take it personal – For a long time I internalized the weirdo’s that were approaching me. I wrote about it in “Are the Men I Attract a Reflection of Me?” and the answer is, NO!
Ladies, do you find you’re approached by guys you’re not interested in? How do you meet guys you’re actually into?
Chime in below…