Unconventional Couples


I was in church a few months ago and one of the eligible bachelors in the congregation brought his new girlfriend to service. This guy is shorter than me, probably like 5’8 and his girlfriend was probably 5’11 with body for DAYS. One of my female friends leaned over to me and said “Um, she looks like she would break him in HALF!”

Last week I read an article written by a woman who is dating someone with a disability. In it she mentioned that people regularly ask them how things work in the bedroom. This got me to thinking about “unconventional” relationships and how the first thing people do is imagine you having sex.

I broached that subject on twitter and got some interesting responses…

Yes, I agree it is human nature, I guess I just wonder why we do that. If we see a Barbie/Ken type couple do we wonder how they do it? or make comments about how Barbie must really put it down on Ken in the bedroom? No. But when we see couples that aren’t cookie cutter, we immediately analyze their intimacy… hmmmm.

I think my first question is why do we decide which couples “match” based on looks?

Being a Plus Size Princess who dates attractive men, I walk around knowing that people wonder how I end up with such “catches”. I even had a man drunkenly tell me that I was a “very lucky girl”, to be with Robert. I just looked at him and said, “and Robert is a VERY lucky guy…”. When I dated bean-pole skinny dudes, I’d get comments about how I probably hurt them in bed, or that I probably wear the pants in the relationship and that was frustrating. People are constantly projecting their own prejudices onto relationships that they’re not a part of.

We all walk around with this measurement of who can date whom and a good portion of it is based on looks. I say we, because we’ve all done it from time to time, myself included– but if we start thinking about why we decide certain couples “match” and others don’t maybe we’ll realize how silly our rules actually are and let people date/be attracted to whoever they want without criticism.

What we don’t realize is all those snide remarks, rude comments and jokes can make a girl think she doesn’t deserve to be with the guy who is showing interest. It also makes it hard for the guy who might be attracted to girls who don’t look like Barbie/Beyonce, to actually go after the types of girls they like. We make it hard for the tall girl to date a short guy, we make it hard for the hot guy to date big girls and we make hard for the big girl to date… well anyone!

Also, do you even notice that the rules we set up contradict themselves? If a Plus Size Princess dates a hot guy, everyone has something to say about it, but if a PSP dates a Plus Size Prince, people STILL have something to say about it…

Like I said on twitter, when Beyonce first hooked up with Jay-Z everyone had jokes, but years later its clear they have something. Of course we’re always more forgiving of an attractive woman dating a man she doesn’t “match” with, but when a man decides to date a woman he doesn’t “match” with we tear that woman to shreds… but that’s another blog post for another day.

When I look around at the successful couples in my life, they’re all unconventional or don’t “match” by society’s standards in some way. Some are interracial, some have extreme age differences, some are different sizes, some are same-sex… but they all pushed past who society said they should be with and found who makes them happy– and isn’t that the most important thing?

Don’t let your friends or strangers on the street make you feel like you can’t date who you want to. If you’re a hot guy and you like someone who isn’t the Barbie/Beyonce type, date her confidently! If you’re a Plus Size Princess and a hot guy is checking for you, go for it… you “deserve” him just as much as the next girl (see Superficial Fat Chicks & Other Myths if you need more of a pep talk).

At then end of the day, I’d rather spend time looking for my “perfect match” than someone I “match” with.

P.S. #PSPfit Bootcamp registration is coming up! Be the first to find out when the list opens up by registering here

  • Nessa

    Great post yet again. I always say that it shows confidence on either side. Basically saying your opinion was not asked or welcome…this is my life and I have to live it. I have made those types of statements when I was younger. After living and learning through life I know that attraction comes in all shades, sizes and types. It’s a great feeling when only the two in the relationship matter. Usually when you see a confident couple they really don’t notice the stares, eye rolls and hateration surrounding them. The question that should be asked by those hating is “why can’t I find that kind of love?” If their honest it’ll probably be because of your attitude. Glad you were able to come back at the drunky and let him know just how blessed Robert is to have you!!! Keep up the awesome blogging

    • thebiggirlblog

      Awww thank you! xoxo

  • JerseyGirl

    well wriiten and well explained. I was think because I am plus size that a certain type of man wont be attracted to me, but thats not true. I have often let my insecurities scare guys away. As ive gotten older I see that more types of men are attracted to me more than I think. Great post Cece. We think so much alike its crazy. I feel like your my friend in my head. With love from jersey- Nicole

  • http://www.modishmaracas.com/ Sophie

    I’m a fat white girl dating a thin Asian man…unconventional in 2 ways! We haven’t encountered any problems or questions or comments, but I’d feel pretty mortified if I knew people were wondering about our sex life (which is AMAZING, btw, teehee). People need not worry. People think size affects sex a lot more than it actually does; and often doesn’t actually affect it at all.

  • juliette

    As always, thoughtful discussion about some difficult issues. My ex was a personal trainer and women would often approach him when I was there, even if we were holding hands or something – it was so insulting. And people would say “Oh, he’s REALLY handsome, you’re so lucky – what did you do to get him?!” and things like that. Ridiculous. We still have alot of work to do, don’t we?

  • JayFay

    My mantra in life: “I have neither the patience nor the time for small minds.”


  • http://gdgtgrl.net Kenya

    I seem to always be part of an unconventional couple. I left “what would other people think?” in the dust a long time ago.

  • LC

    I absolutely love how willing you are to talk about ‘uncomfortable’ topics. AND you handle them so well. Ugh, love this blog! (reader for 5 whole years!)

  • Pingback: Say “More Cushion for the Pushing” and I WILL Dump You. | The Big Girl Blog: Plus Size Dating, Fashion, Beauty, Fitness & Lifestyle