I Refuse to Let a Man Make Me Crazy… (I Gave Him My Number Part 4)

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A few months after Brian’s girlfriend called me and I ended things, I ran into him in the 72nd street train station near the store where we met. He kind of cornered me as I got onto the 2 train. Our conversation was a lot of pleading from him and eye rolling from me, but here are some interesting tidbits. Brian told his girlfriend that my number “actually belonged to the girlfriend of one of his male coworkers and the male coworker had been calling/texting from his girlfriends phone because his phone had died” that’s why a girls number was in his phone. *blank stare* but get this… she accepted his story and they stayed together! Even though our texts were very flirtatious and we were on the phone for hours at a ti– you know what nevermind. If she accepted his dumb lie, there’s no need for me to dissect how silly it all is.

Brian leaned in close and whispered, “I’m sorry that she called you. She’s crazy, you know?”

I pulled back, “She’s not crazy, she’s right. She thought you were cheating and you were. How does that make her crazy?” I waited a good minute for him to give an answer, which he couldn’t.

Have you ever noticed that lots of men have a “crazy girlfriend” or a “crazy ex”? Women are easily written off as crazy and everyone just accepts it, but our “crazy” doesn’t just come out of nowhere. If we were possessive/snooping/didn’t trust from the beginning, guys wouldn’t enter relationships with us.

My philosophy is that I refuse to let a man drive me crazy, what’s the point in having a boyfriend that I don’t trust? That’s no fun. Being the crazy girlfriend is time consuming and that snooping/distrustful behavior often makes men break up with us, which is so annoying when they’re the reason we got to that level of cuckoo in the first place.

*sigh* Here’s a few things for us to think about:

1.) Womans intuition is a real thing… like very real. But because intuition is intangible, nuanced and basically impossible to pin down, people who don’t have it (*ahem* men) will convince women that our intuition is just us being “crazy”, that we’re just paranoid. But, the truth is we can feel/pick up on things and there’s nothing wrong with that. Brian’s girlfriends intuition told her something was up, she listened to it, found information that validated it and then let her boyfriend convince her that she was wrong.

2.) Is having a boyfriend worth your sanity/peace of mind? I would not do well with a boyfriend that always had me “wondering”. I’m just not wired to get over something like inappropriate contact with other girls, I’m the type that believes that emotional affairs are just as bad as physical ones and I don’t really believe in meaningless intimacy. So, that said– if my boyfriend jeopardized our trust, there’s no coming back from that for me. No matter how much I love him, my sanity is worth too much to me and wondering what he’s doing, who he’s with, etc. would put me on an express train to crazytown. If you find yourself checking phones, feeling uneasy about other women and doing other “crazy” things, ask yourself if its worth it. Ask yourself if this is the type of girlfriend you want to be. The answer just might liberate you from the drama.

3.) If you meet a guy who says he has a “crazy ex” don’t just nod and accept that statement. Guys make that statement to exonerate themselves and also to make you think twice before listening to your own intuition. Cause if you do, they’ll hit you with the “you’re acting like my ex!” line and make you feel bad (but maybe they’re treating you like they treated their ex *shrugs*). Ask questions: What did she do that was crazy? What made her do that? Was she always like that? You might learn a lot about his past behaviors and avoid dating someone who can’t be a good boyfriend. I always like to remind men that THEY are the variable that made a girl suddenly nuts.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one… Any of you dated someone with a crazy ex? Any of you BECOME the crazy girlfriend or ex? Chime in below!

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  • Krista D.

    I dated a guy once who was under the assumption (from past dating experiences) that mixed girls from Fredericksburg VA were crazy. Turns out that I’m mixed and from Fredericksburg, so whenever I would bring something up that bothered or annoyed me, he blamed it on that. I dumped him.

  • http://twitter.com/Rebekah__Jo Rebekah Jo

    I’m the crazy ex-wife. My husband left 7 years ago because HE was unhappy. In the time since he has been gone he’s dated a slew of women, has only held down fast food jobs and is so far behind on child support it’s not even funny. But I’m the crazy one because I am the one that actually filed for the divorce!!

  • Nessa

    Oh this blog is right on time and so true. Why do we as women always listen to the guys story and just believe him that the ex, current women in his life are crazy. I usually ask them what does that say about you as their current or ex MAN. Typically when a woman acts out the man has given her cause…meaning he’s still playing a tune of perhaps we are or will be together again. Ituition is a God given gift to us women and we need to learn to LISTEN to it…

  • Tiffany Mallory

    Oh yes I have been there. I usually hit them with the same line, “My ex was crazy too. He thought I was some some chick that was listening to this same lie u trying to tell me.”

  • Keisha

    I trust until you give me a reason not too..and most guys are pretty good at telling on themselves if you pay attention. Im not gonna spend my time snooping and checking up on a guy because like you said CeCe thats no fun. Im with you…i refuse to let a guy make me crazy.

  • Tiffany B.

    I heard about my ” my ex was crazy” at at 18′ I believed him, just because he said it. I’ve also been the one saying ” my ex is crazy” and believe me he was. I think for women they want ro love so bad it xan make them appear crazy and it also could drive your man to bw “crazy ” and then maybe he’s just really xrazy . Lol But really food for thought.