Filed Under: Curvy Conversations, Dating
I got an interesting comment on a post a few months ago and I’d love to discuss it with you guys. As part of a longer comment, the person said:
A lot of the problems CeCe has in dating stem from the fact that she is overweight, thus having less options/men who find her attractive, then choosing the few she is attracted back to. I see thin girls get over heart breaks faster because they have guys lining up to be with them around the corner.
(Side Note: for those of you who were confused, the “I Gave Him My Number” series that I wrote about Brian happened a long time ago. I am still happily dating Robert.)
When I first read that comment, her words really bothered me. I was thinking “hello? I’ve been dating Robert a minute now… what ‘problems’ is she talking about?” but then I had to remind myself that even though her comment isn’t applicable to me right now, there was a time when it was. I wasn’t always fully content in my dating life as a Plus Size Princess. Here are some of the issues I’ve had in dating as a PSP:
Quality vs. Quantity – I have plenty of men approaching me, but how many of them are viable options? I wrote a very difficult post once called “Are The Men I Attract, a Reflection of… Me?” where I explored that question with a few other dating bloggers. You see, there’s a nasty rumor out there that big girls are desperate and will take anything that comes their way– that. is. not. true. But, because this rumor will not die, a Plus Size Princess becomes a magnet for the toothless, the homeless, the jobless and the crazies.
I’M Just Not That Into YOU – Mutual attraction is difficult to find at any size, but if your particular look isn’t what the majority is going for, it might feel like you’re attracted to others more often than you’re found attractive. Again, Plus Size Princesses do not just “take what they can get”, nor should we. So, when a guy comes along that is interested, there’s still a chance we wont feel a spark. That happens to all women, but as a PSP there’s sometimes that unspoken maybe you shouldn’t be so picky? from the people around us. I’ve even had a friend exclaim “he likes you! do something!” I didn’t like him, so I didn’t do anything. When it comes to mutual attraction, I struggle between complaining that I’m not my types type and making sure what I’m looking for is appropriate. I get it, if the number of men I attract increases then the chances of finding mutual attraction and ultimately a romantic match greatly improves. This one is just law of averages.
Dry Spells – According to my commenter, skinny girls get over breakups faster because they have men lining up around the corner to date them. (I know of PSPs with men lining up to date them too, but that’s beside the point). I think there is so much beauty in being single, but we’re so fixated on having boyfriends that we miss it. I may not date back-to-back like my skinny friends, but when it comes to self-evolution, I have time to learn and grow and I take full advantage of that time– this website is an example of that. So, I think being a Plus Size Princess with the issues listed above creates time for character development which comes in handy when it comes to dating. Knowing who you are helps you know what you want!
In NYC it often takes longer for people to settle down and I think it’s because there are just so many options and people like to have an eye out for the next-best-thing that may come around the corner. In smaller cities, people have less to choose from, find who they really connect with and explore that relationship to the fullest. (This might be why we have wedding invites from two of my girlfriends who moved to the mid-west!) This is when the Quality vs. Quantity problem turns into something useful. If 10 guys approach me, 4 of them have no teeth, 3 are homeless and the last 3 are guys that I could see myself with, I can focus on those three men without looking out my window and seeing 50 more guys I might want to talk to.
Did we ever consider that having droves of men at our disposal might make it harder to find our “One”?
Most of what my commenter said is true, but I just need to make sure we look at those types of thoughts through a different lens. When I dated guys like Kevin and Adrian I really liked being with them and it didn’t matter how many guys I had mutual attraction with before them. Now I’m dating Robert (who I met at my heaviest weight) and things are moving along with him. He supports me in anything I want to do, from singing to losing weight and I wouldn’t trade that for a line of guys down the street.
I used to think that being a Plus Size Princess was a dating curse, but now I wonder if it can be a blessing in disguise… thoughts???