Is Dating as a Plus Size Princess a Blessing or a Curse?

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I got an interesting comment on a post a few months ago and I’d love to discuss it with you guys. As part of a longer comment, the person said:

A lot of the problems CeCe has in dating stem from the fact that she is overweight, thus having less options/men who find her attractive, then choosing the few she is attracted back to. I see thin girls get over heart breaks faster because they have guys lining up to be with them around the corner.

(Side Note: for those of you who were confused, the “I Gave Him My Number” series that I wrote about Brian happened a long time ago. I am still happily dating Robert.)

When I first read that comment, her words really bothered me. I was thinking “hello? I’ve been dating Robert a minute now… what ‘problems’ is she talking about?” but then I had to remind myself that even though her comment isn’t applicable to me right now, there was a time when it was. I wasn’t always fully content in my dating life as a Plus Size Princess. Here are some of the issues I’ve had in dating as a PSP:

Quality vs. Quantity – I have plenty of men approaching me, but how many of them are viable options? I wrote a very difficult post once called “Are The Men I Attract, a Reflection of… Me?” where I explored that question with a few other dating bloggers. You see, there’s a nasty rumor out there that big girls are desperate and will take anything that comes their way– that. is. not. true. But, because this rumor will not die, a Plus Size Princess becomes a magnet for the toothless, the homeless, the jobless and the crazies.

I’M Just Not That Into YOU – Mutual attraction is difficult to find at any size, but if your particular look isn’t what the majority is going for, it might feel like you’re attracted to others more often than you’re found attractive. Again, Plus Size Princesses do not just “take what they can get”, nor should we. So, when a guy comes along that is interested, there’s still a chance we wont feel a spark. That happens to all women, but as a PSP there’s sometimes that unspoken maybe you shouldn’t be so picky? from the people around us. I’ve even had a friend exclaim “he likes you! do something!” I didn’t like him, so I didn’t do anything. When it comes to mutual attraction, I struggle between complaining that I’m not my types type and making sure what I’m looking for is appropriate. I get it, if the number of men I attract increases then the chances of finding mutual attraction and ultimately a romantic match greatly improves. This one is just law of averages.

Dry Spells – According to my commenter, skinny girls get over breakups faster because they have men lining up around the corner to date them. (I know of PSPs with men lining up to date them too, but that’s beside the point). I think there is so much beauty in being single, but we’re so fixated on having boyfriends that we miss it. I may not date back-to-back like my skinny friends, but when it comes to self-evolution, I have time to learn and grow and I take full advantage of that time– this website is an example of that. So, I think being a Plus Size Princess with the issues listed above creates time for character development which comes in handy when it comes to dating. Knowing who you are helps you know what you want!

In NYC it often takes longer for people to settle down and I think it’s because there are just so many options and people like to have an eye out for the next-best-thing that may come around the corner. In smaller cities, people have less to choose from, find who they really connect with and explore that relationship to the fullest. (This might be why we have wedding invites from two of my girlfriends who moved to the mid-west!) This is when the Quality vs. Quantity problem turns into something useful. If 10 guys approach me, 4 of them have no teeth, 3 are homeless and the last 3 are guys that I could see myself with, I can focus on those three men without looking out my window and seeing 50 more guys I might want to talk to.

Did we ever consider that having droves of men at our disposal might make it harder to find our “One”?

Most of what my commenter said is true, but I just need to make sure we look at those types of thoughts through a different lens. When I dated guys like Kevin and Adrian I really liked being with them and it didn’t matter how many guys I had mutual attraction with before them. Now I’m dating Robert (who I met at my heaviest weight) and things are moving along with him. He supports me in anything I want to do, from singing to losing weight and I wouldn’t trade that for a line of guys down the street.

I used to think that being a Plus Size Princess was a dating curse, but now I wonder if it can be a blessing in disguise… thoughts???

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  • HP

    I almost exclusively date through online dating, I just never get approached by men in “real life”. Or if I do they are either not desirable or if it’s someone I know, they have never said a damn word to me! haha

    I get tons of messages from men, of all different ages, types and ethnicities. Most I just don’t find mutually attractive, but the ones who are my type and who I would date only want me for one thing, sex. I ALWAYS seem to fall into the trap of someone wants to be with me but not be with me. And I think a big part of it is because of my size. They want to go out, spend time together, etc. But most likely will never label me as a girlfriend because they’re worried that their boys will be ragging on them about it.

    Judging by how often I get messaged online, I’d be willing to be that if society has not tried to push this standard of beauty down people’s throats that I would be approached a lot more often offline. It’s not surprising that BBW (I hate that term) porn is actually the one of the top selling fetish in the industry. How many men are not really all that picky about the women they would date, but because they feel peer pressure, they don’t take the plunge.

    For instance I had a personal trainer message me who basically flat out told me (after a bit of messaging) that he was not looking for a relationship or anything serious but that he likes to fool around and have fun with big girls. Godforbid a personal trainer would date a plus size woman but yet there’s proof that athletic men are physically attracted to girls who are NOT gym bunnies.

    I think men just need to grow a pair and date who they want to date. You can’t fake attraction!

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

      Yup, I always say If you can’t stand up for something as basic as who you’re attracted to, I doubt you have the backbone I need in a guy anyway!

  • http://twitter.com/Paraveina Caitlin

    De-lurking to comment – dating while plus sized is an advantage. If I were thin, I could end up with someone who was bigoted against fat people and not realize it until it’s too late.Then I would have to worry that a person like that would leave me if I gained weight (I bet that’s a big chunk of divorces – married for looks, divorced because of weight gain and/or ageing). Also, I just don’t even want to be around someone who judges people on their appearance like that – be it weight, skin colour, height, whatever.

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

      LOL @ De-Lurking…. good to hear from you ;-)

      I know what you mean, weight is too nuanced to end up with someone who will shut down if you gain.

  • Tia

    Spot on! Great article. And as Caitlin said below, I am currently losing weight, but I want to meet someone while I am fat as I want to know he truly loves me for me at any size and not just come out of the woodwork when I’m smaller.

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

      Agreed!

  • Vie

    My experience is similar to HP’s. I dated mostly men I met online. I got very good at figuring out who was:

    a) attracted to me enough to bang me, but not to date me.
    b) trying to get an easy, meaningless lay.
    c) into me and proud to be into me.

    The biggest problem was never finding a guy who was attracted to me in the first place -that happened often. The hard part (I live in DC) was finding one who wasn’t looking for the next best thing and was looking for a relationship, and didn’t find it embarrassing to be attracted to a larger woman. It’s gotten only easier and better as I’ve gotten older (and more people start putting on pounds), but that last part is something I will not compromise on. Don’t tell me you “don’t care about looks, just personality.” Bullshit. You do care, and so do I. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to your partner, but a guy HAS to be willing to accept what he’s attracted to, or I will take it as a sign of extreme insecurity and immaturity. And who wants that? Not this woman.

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

      Not me either!!!!

  • Nessa

    Really great blog and topic. Thin girls may be pretending they get over relationships faster because they may hide those feelings inside the new relationship or that new interest causes them to forget for a moment. PSPs have the same option. It’s maturity that says wait a minute let me analyze this mess and see where I need to grow and be wiser the next time around. Hurt is hurt, dumped, is dumped…size has nothing to do with it. There are many men that love, like PSPs especially the confident ones. There are also those that think we’re usable and they use the skinny ones too. Since I’m in my late 40′s dating has changed for me as older men have a tendency to be over that “what my friends” will say era. They’re typically looking for someone they can grow with and more settled in what they want. One of my good friends has always dated older men even when she was in high school she dated men in their 30′s, 40′s, 50′s as she said that’s who was attracted to her. I truly don’t believe size matters when a person is mature enough to say ‘hey this is what I like/love’ and your opinion is irrelevant. That attitude is found in a strong man and that’s what we should be looking for at any size. As I said I’m older and I see a lot of young ladies I went to high school with that were the elite, most wanted girls in school and today…oh my…funny thing is I see some of the guys that wouldn’t look at me then now checking me out and talking to friends about have you seen her. Funny how life changes.
    CeCe keep doing you … Robert must be happy with his PSP he’s supportive and there. I also like those that say they want him to find her while she’s plus size so she knows he’s seen her at this phase too. There are some chubby chasers that would hate if their PSP loses weight!!! So we have it on both sides don’t we?! lol
    With any type of relationship there’s a weening process and there’s someone out there waiting to be blessed by having us in their lives.

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

      Love this, thanks!

  • JayFay

    This is an issue that I think about all the time, and I’m pretty sure I’d have more options if I were a smaller size. Just like you said, the guys I seem to attract are not the guys I want to date. And the guys I’m attracted to don’t ever seem to be into fuller figures. It also doesn’t help that I’m primarily interested in dating outside my race (whatever that means) because I’m just not attracted to culturally black men (and I suppose by “black,” I mean “black American”). It really irks me that so many black men see me and make all sorts of assumptions about me based on my skin color and size. But hey, we can’t control what happens in other people’s tiny little brains, now can we? ;)

    Because of my size (over 6′ and plus size) I also attract a lot of dudes with BBW and other fetishes. Once, a cab driver in NYC who picked me up at night in midtown asked me if I was a drag queen or tranny (can’t remember which)…and then proceeded to hit on me. Amaaaaaaaaazing. Kind of demoralizing, I suppose, but it makes for a good story!

    • superb

      My post above, “Do Read,” talks about some of my experiences with men from other races. I also lived in east asia for a while and I can say that men over there will hit on you if the opportunity arises.

      • JayFay

        OMG!! I get hit on by Indian dudes all the time, too. And most of them seem to be married (!!) and of course, they only want sex. Dogs. Not sure I could handle being a public spectacle in Asia – my sister spent a month in China during grad school (she’s also a double-Ivy grad, and tall and plus but not very plus) and just got stared at the entire time. And everyone wanted to touch her hair, and some did, without even asking. Blech.

        P.S. Sounds like you should write your own blog :)

  • sarah

    So a couple of commenters noted that they attract what they are not attracted to, and you’re more inclined to think it’s due to your size. Take it from a girl who has been fat and thin, and the quality of men hollering and hitting on me does not improve with either body type. Men are either delusional or ever hopeful, and it’s usually the most undesirable men that approach all kinds of women. It’s just a way of life, not related to your body type.

  • superb

    DO READ

    I actually think a lot of men are attracted to me in person. BUT, being an oblivious small town girl that sees all men through a suspicious gaze, doesn’t really help. I’m beginning to realize that I must be attractive. I’ve lived in a few cities now and men beep at me from cars ( no I’m not dressed scandalously) and shout things at me. While in college really GORGEOUS guys would wait after class for me asking things like ” are you available, are you seeing anyone?” Of course, I thought it was just small talk until a midnight soiree when one guy told me the quintessential line ” I like you just the way you are.” But alas, focused on another guy ( let’s call him “other guy”), I passed up all these gorgeous specimens thinking they can’t seriously like me. When I went on dates with them I often felt out of place when skinny girls glared at me and made comments under their breath, ” He’s with her?” It was too much; I couldn’t handle being with a shamar moore look alike. It was too much pressure and I’m low maintenance. And, I loved “other guy.”

    Even though other guy said he wasn’t attracted to my 5ft9 voluptuous frame ( that’s what my friends say about my ginormous breasts, long legs and other jiggly parts). Other guy said the dreaded words ” I’m just not attracted to you. I care about you and I know tons of other guys who think you’re…” He burned me to my core. The same “other guy” who in college would bike miles at 6 am to bring me a calculator for a math test; the same “other guy” who would give me his breakfast and starve if i hadn’t eaten; the same “other guy” who would sing me My funny valentine when I hated my natural hair “Don’t change your hair for me – not if you care for me.”; the same “other guy” who never asked anything from me except friendship WAS JUST NOT THAT INTO ME. But to make matters worse he closed his laws of attraction rant with the words “hey, who knows we might be together in the future.” WHAT ? what the world is that? Other guy was a chiseled asian guy and I’m black – but that’s another topic (Anyone have any thoughts? I’d like to hear what you think – we’re still friends ).

    Despite other guy not liking my looks I get stared at a lot on train. So I’d see a particular guy just staring bullets at me every single day. Finally I said hi to particular guy and it was like unleashing a mad dog. Particular guy wanted all the particulars on my life and my friends and wanted direct immediate access to my home. Though my small town thoughts gave him the benefit of the doubt my suspicion began to wonder if all he wanted was sex. He didn’t want dinner or friendship – he kept trying to chat with me online while at work – but that’s besides the point. He seemed to think because I met him a few times on a train he could just perform some mating ritual. I’d never been so insulted – it was the first time a guy made me feel like my chunkiness represented cheapness. AND I WANTED TO GO OFF. AND I DID. ” Do you seriously think I’m going to let you in my house without so much as an introductory conversation? I’m black and I’m big, but buddy I’m an ivy league grad and you better recognize.” Okay – so I wasn’t that brash but it was pretty similar – He was Indian (from India) and said his “culture” is why he needed to only be seen with me in my house. I told him he could shove that culture card where the rest of his lies are deposited because I know too many people from his “culture” to fall for that ( again this is a dramatic interpretation – but it’s similar).

    I’ve never dated online- it sounds like an olympic sport and I’m just a small town girl that sometimes lives in big cities.

    • superb

      Also, in reaction to Ce ce’s post: What’s that whole section stating that the majority of men who hit on you are homeless and toothless? I was thinking, SERIOUSLY CE-Ce? You seem way too cute for a 3out of 10 ratio. – I mean no disrespect – it just doesn’t seem likely.

  • Less Less

    What the commenter wrote is true… for me. I can’t speak for anyone else. But I find it so difficult to date. It’s very difficult to meet people, so I end up going online. But so many people are just not interested in bigger women (and say so on their profiles), it makes me forget that there are people who are interested. Even when i try to lower my expectations, they are still not interested.

    I don’t date very often because I find it very depressing. I went on a date awhile ago, and the guy did seem to like me, but I wasn’t interested. I tried really hard to be, because it’s not often that I find someone who is interested in me. There were things that I was willing to overlook, but in the end there were too many things. And it didn’t seem that he was interested in a healthy lifestyle, which is kind of a deal breaker when you are trying to change your own life.

    • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

      Seeing “no big girls” in profiles is always a jarring moment

  • Katie

    Can I just say that I’ve just found your blog and have absolutely fallen in love with you?! Seriously, you’re exactly what I have been looking for. I think you make several awesome points here. I am also a PSP and I’m constantly told to stop being so picky when it comes to men. There was a time in my life when I took that advice, and while I’m glad I did (it has given me plenty of interesting and amusing stories to share) it wasn’t for me.

    I live in the South and your argument about quality vs. quantity in a smaller town is a little bit off, IMHO. The problem, at least the problem I find most, is not the quantity, but the quality. Then again, this may just be because of the city I’m in and area of the country. Finding men to date isn’t the problem, it’s finding the right kind. Educated, tolerant, non-bigoted, reasonably attractive young men just don’t seem to exist in my neck of the woods. If you want them to also be employed, well, that’s a whole different story. However, I don’t think this is just a problem for the PSPs, I have skinny girlfriends who haven’t been on a date in years. Years! I happen to date way more than they do.

    Anyways, I adore your blog! Keep it coming!!

    xx,

    Katie

    katiesuperlady.blogspot.com

  • CatP

    As a plus size girl, I really have problems to find a guy who is not homeless, toothless or mentally insane. I dated some guys who i met at online dating platforms. In the end, they were not really interested in my person but in my body. just sex, thats it. That is why I became quite desperate and started asking myself WHATS WRONG WITH ME? People, even friends, often tell me that I have a beautiful face..haha yeah beautiful face which is worthless without an acceptable body.In Germany, where I live, plus size people are not accepted, or less accepted than in the US. There aren’t that many young plus size girls, no cool shops..so you feel like a weirdo…so for me, i came to the conclusion that i really have to lose weight which should be the key to sucessfully dating:-)

  • http://twitter.com/DDisciplines Mari

    I think it’s a little ridiculous to say that all skinny women have men lining up around the block for them. As someone who’s skinny & has had a number of skinny & PSP friends that just doesn’t hold true with experience. It’s more about personality- some of us have more charisma that attracts guys than others, regardless of our weight. Also, when I’m in a ‘no-men’ mindset it seems as if there isn’t a single guy in the world (except the toothless & homeless) who would be interested in me. When I’m on the hunt there seem to be more options, sometimes with guys lined up around the block & other times with slim pickings. It just seems much too simplistic to say that all skinny women have men waiting to date them.

    • thebiggirlblog

      Good point!!!!

  • Eva

    First off I have to say that when it comes to realising if a guy likes me, I am completely hopeless – I won’t notice unless you really spell it out for me! I’ve been told by friends I’m very picky when it comes to guys, but I have never looked at this and thought it was a bad thing. Just because your pool of eligible men might be smaller from the off because I’m a large girl doesn’t mean I can’t narrow it down even further because of my personal taste – as CeCe said why would I have to settle for the homeless, toothless, jobless!? So when guys have been interested and friends have told me to ‘get in there!’ they struggle when I tell them I’m not interested. They call me picky, but truthfully for me there’s just no spark or attraction. One friend called me crazy for not wanting to date a guy at uni who was loaded and clearly interested, and just didn’t understand when I told her that I just wasn’t attracted to him. Regardless of having to worry about your own love life as a BBW it seems you end up having to justify your choices all the more.

  • http://twitter.com/mindyrobertson Mindy Robertson

    My experiences from online dating make the question about being a Plus Size Princess … blessing or curse, very person specific issue. It is a fact that when a person has been reasonably successful in strengthening their self concept, their body image is a less troublesome doncern. And it will also make a difference when you have a strong core group of supportive friends and family. However, when these positive factors are absent or at very low levels, being plus size in today’s world is a definite curse, more often then not.

  • Caro

    Indeed!!

  • TJ

    It is absolutely and unequivocally a curse to date as a plus size woman. Thin women get the nut jobs and horror stories too but my anecdotal experience and that of women I’ve conversed with online and in person seems to square with the notion that the onslaught of losers is worse for larger women and the diamonds in the rough are fewer and farther between. Of course, these are broad generalizations and I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, but we live in a society that privileges thinness. Period. Being fat often means that you are “invisible” and devalued. When people do “see” you they approach with negative stereotypes that stand in the way of forming a healthy, functional relationship. Life is a constant tap dance of trying to prove that you are worthy in spite of your weight and dating is probably where that is most the case. It would wear me all the way out if I let it.

    The ubiquitous platitudes about confidence and carriage are just that… platitudes. I am confident, pretty according to most, carry myself well, dress and groom for success and still have minimal luck with dating. The only difference between me and my less confident friends is that some of the losers won’t try it with me and I am quicker to cut folks loose when they treat me in a manner less than I deserve. I have become very good at separating the wheat from the chaff but the wheat is very rare indeed. I waste less time and spend less energy on heartbreak but I’m still not finding the one. I have neither a “beggars can’t be choosy” attitude nor unreasonable expectations and ultimately it’s all the same. I’ve dated men who tipped the scales at nearly 500 lbs. and tiny little 140 lb. guys. PhDs or blue collar average joes, old enough to be my dad or a few years my junior, 5’4″ or 6’6″. It’s all the same.

    I wish I could be more optimistic and I haven’t entirely given up but I am a realist. Any online dating site will show you that most men have crossed a woman like me off of their list right off the bat because of my weight. They’ll throw “no fatties” or “no BBW” up there quicker than they’ll put up any other characteristic. Apparently they aren’t worried about education, employment, personality, anything. You can be an axe murderer, just don’t be fat. I’m not going to argue or try to change anyone but the pool I have to pick from is small and when you get rid of the homeless, the abusive, the stupid, the drugged out or alcoholic, the married, the “you’re good enough to fuck but I can’t date you” types, the creepy fetishists and all the other misfit toys it’s positively minuscule. Then we have to worry about mutual compatibility and attraction? Let’s just say I am not holding my breath.

    • Miss Maven

      OP here, been meaning to get back to your comment about my comment for sometime now. I apologize for imposing my view on you, i was having a bad day and made assumptions I really shouldn’t have.

      But here is my story. I have seen too much, been on the being ignored end more times than I can count and it has really made me cautious/depressed/ extremely anxious to the point I considered medication.

      I have tried, really I have, even hired 2 matchmakers for advice at different times (and I am in my 20′s) . Been on every dating site. It’s like all my worst fears and anxieties i had about this subject were reveled to be true.

      For my late teens early twenties, such things happened; getting stood up on valentines day, talking to a guy for few months, then getting dumped for a girl he met 3 DAYS ago (he told me bc he wanted to be in a relationship with her), while with 2 friends dancing a drunk guy came up to us, he tried to dance with friend 1, then friend 2, then walked away without even looking at me, was at bar one time with a friend, had a guy much taller than me stand in the middle of us with his back faced toward me talking to a friend and pretty much cutting me out of the conversation, another time i was talking to a guy who invited me to a party, when he was leaving he said to me 2 times, “and bring your friend” “And DON’T FORGET to bring your friend”, another guy (diff time) invited “US” to a party, but when I called to get directions he ignored my calls (but answered my friend calls when I asked her to try to get a hold of him, when i found out i tried calling him once more, didn’t answer, I turned back and headed home), countless times guys have talked to me for 5-10 mins only in the end to ask “can you introduce me to your friend”, i asked if someone was sitting at a seat and the guy said “yes”, I was like “can we sit here until your friend gets back?” he said “no”, but when my friend sat down, he made no objections. Given my number to many guys who seemed interested in me and they never call me back. Countless times I have been the 3rd wheel (bc friends ended up being with someone and I was left to babysit them). Treated more like liability then an actual person.

      And I seem to only attract guys who just want to get laid (and put the LEAST amount of effort into it compared to the effort they put into my friends), much older men (who i will not date bc i don’t have much dating experience and it is strange why a man 20+ my age would be interested in me in the first place), ghetto black men (who make “big booty” comments), African men (fresh off the boat who tell me I am their ideal and they will wife me, this is without me uttering a word to them), white men who want to experiment (they say things like “I never had a black girl before”) East Indian guys (who talk to me until a white woman comes by), uneducated with children white men (I have degrees, have no clue why guys with highschool education only, + children, working as a stocker at Walmart would contact me) cheap/broke men (who ask me to pay for my part of the date then try to kiss/sleep with me) And lets not forget men with a fat/chubby fetish (some who are actually decent looking/decent job, but i am NOT to be someones side girl.

      • http://twitter.com/thebiggirlblog CeCe Olisa

        Nothing to apologize for, I found your comments thought provoking and this post has been good for all of us! Everything you’ve listed I’ve been through… everything! I want to make sure that I don’t ever forget how hard it is just because I have Robert in my life… dating as a PSP is HARD. I’m sorry that you’ve been through all the rough things, but happy that it hasn’t affected your understanding of what you deserve. I’m in my 20′s too and I know its hard, but I believe there are guys out there who can/will give us what we’re looking for. xoxo, CeCe

        • Miss Maven

          Thank you CeCe, I appreciate that.

      • Miss Maven

        Regarding MALE FRIENDS/male acquaintance, telling me early on that they date petite women (as if they are afraid i will develop feelings for them) some accuse me of c*ckblocking them because the girl they liked was talking more to me then them, bank tellers/cashiers (I tend to be friendly and make small talk with them) drop the word “my girlfriend” into the conversation QUICKLY and sometimes the most awkward/inappropriate times. I asked a cashier if he had plans for the summer he answered “Well me and my girlfriend might take a vacation”. He could of just said “I might take on vacation”. Other store workers tend to be short and give me one word answers or little help in stores. I was at Ikea and this guy carried a pillow case or something small for this girl from the back and walked slowly with her to the cash register. I asked him to help me get down a heavy table (which was in a box because it required assembly), he barley looked at me, walked quickly, put it in my push cart and walked away. Did I mention I was with my grandfather who is in walker btw? Yeah. A co worker of mine used to constantly tell me “i will date you if you lose 20 lbs” This was unsolicited.

        So because of all this I have started to take extreme measures to lose weight and I am losing bc I value being treated decently more than I like the taste of food anymore. The only taste I have left in my mouth is a bitter one. And I came to the conclusion that if I want to be married or have children this is what I have to do or else this is how people will treat me for the rest of my life. I am also looking into cosmetic surgery which for some might sound extreme, but I am absolutely fed up.

        I have lost nearly 100 lbs and while not at my goal yet I can see the difference in treatment. I pass as chubby now and not obese so I’m under the radar of society to visually stand out and no longer look like i’m the biggest girl in the room (even though I usually am, but since I am closer to normal weight the difference is not as much contrasting). Store clerks talk to me longer, random people smile at me on the street, women tell me how cute I am and touch my hair, girls who are MUCH thinner than me ask me for dieting advice, actually EVERYONE is asking me for advice including the women who have made fun of me (who ironically, even at my biggest, weighed much more than me and are much older than me)

        All this work and know what? It still doesn’t cut it. I feel like now I am being compared to girls 125 lbs, so each 10 lbs is more make or break now. I’m still not thin enough to be considered normal weight or dating weight for most men.

        I admire all the women on here that were able to live normal lives, find good jobs, find love, and feel accepted and fulfilled in their lives and wish you all the best in your journeys regardless of what lifestyle you choose. Just for me, it hasn’t been so.

        • http://twitter.com/OuterSpaceGirl SuperNovA

          Hello CeCe, I just wanted to say I just found your blog an hour ago and I am loving it so far.

          I wanted to comment to MissMaven. Your comment really made me cry because I have been through stuff like that. I have been fat since the age of 2. I was picked on a lot in school for being fat and tall. Boys didn’t like me and didn’t even want to hang out with me. Men now ignore me unless they are my father’s age 60+. At 26, 27 next month, I have never been on a date in my life. I had one boyfriend when I was 14 for four months; turns out he really liked my best friend at the time.

          I’ve given guys my number and nothing. I’ve tried online dating; talked to a few guys and then everything just went flat. I was actually about to go on a date with until the day of he told me he was broke and he couldn’t take me anymore.

          I lost over 80lbs and my dating life never improved. I still didn’t get hit on. I actually gained 40lbs back, which I am trying to lose once again. I have actually giving up that someone is going to come into my life. It’s just doesn’t feel like it will happen. You know how you see the women on tv talking about how they are positive and optimistic that someone will come into there life, I don’t even have that feeling. I tried to have that feeling but kept getting disappointed.

          The only thing I can say to you is keep your head up. I know it hurts, but, you have to make it through. I’m currently focusing on getting my teaching certificate, that is something positive I know I am going to have in my life.

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  • funfash

    Great article – It can be either a blessing or a curse! It’s all about what’s inside.