Thursday night Robert and I were riding the train home after having drinks with his boss. We were tipsy, laughing and being silly. I had been doing the Gangnam Style dance all night and the song was in my head, so I found myself singing “heyyyy sexy lady!” and shaking my hips while holding onto him for balance on the train.
“They’re probably going to play that song at Geo’s wedding next weekend” Robert said, laughing at me.
“Ohhhh you’re right! You need to learn the dance before then so you can do it with me,” I said tapping his chest with my finger,
“I need to learn it, and you need to get better at it,” he said teasing me.
“Excuse me, I can Gangnam Style with the best of ‘em,” I kept dancing in front of him and before I knew it we were having a pretend-argument about just how well I could do the dance.
“Okay, okay!” I took a deep breath between giggles, “on a scale of one-to-ten, how well can I do the dance?”
“On a scale of one-to-ten?” Robert asked, I nodded. “On a scale of one-to-ten… you’re a nine!” he replied in an over the top sweet voice while he stroked my arm.
I pulled away dramatically, “you’re so ridiculous! If I were a nine you would not be suggesting I rehearse this dance…. never mind the fact that you don’t even know the dance!”
We went round and round like this for a few stops. Laughing and teasing and challenging each other about dancing together. I don’t know when she got on, but suddenly I noticed a (skinny) girl across from us listening to our conversation with a smile on her face. Every time Robert made a silly comment, I’d roll my eyes and catch hers to give her a look like “men, sheesh”.
Out of the blue, she walked over to me, “I’m sorry… I can’t take this anymore,” she said. “You are GORGEOUS! you’re a great dancer and don’t let him tell you differently! Don’t let him make you think you’re not a beautiful, gorgeous girl… he’s just a stupid guy… he doesn’t know anything! You are gorgeous, BELIEVE THAT!” then she squeezed my hand and got off of the train.
I stood there thoroughly confused.
As far as I was concerned, I was having a playful fight with the guy I’m seeing about a dumb dance that we might have to do at his friends wedding. But somehow she thought that I was an insecure girl who was being made to feel bad about herself by a guy.
The longer I date Robert, the more I am coming to terms with what people project onto our relationship when they look at us. Because I am a Plus Size Princess and he’s a normal size, tall, attractive dude I’m constantly navigating through the fact that some people don’t think we “match”, like the girl who was shocked when she saw his picture, or last month when Robert was buying my drinks all night and sitting right next to me, but a female asked if a girl three feet away from us was his girlfriend (as if I was just an invisible non-factor).
I think the lady on the train gave me that pep talk because she assumed that I didn’t think I was attractive and she assumed that I was desperate to be with Robert, so I was allowing him treat me badly. I can’t help but wonder if she saw Robert having that same playful argument with like… Kelly Rowland or some model, if she’d feel the need to make the same speech.
I’m just fascinated by what people see/project onto PSP’s with attractive boyfriends.
Thoughts??? Do any of you struggle with this?