We Just… Fizzled….

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Last week, I was standing on the subway platform at 8:30 in the morning half asleep and in my own world. As the 3 train rolled into my station, I began to scan the cars to see if there would be any available seats. The train slowed to a crawl and when the doors opened my eyes fell onto a guy that was “my type”, very corporate in a suit with broad shoulders, facial hair and a soft leather messenger bag sitting on his lap.

I stepped into the train and realized that he was looking at me too. I glanced away and when I looked back, his eyes were still locked on mine, then he gave me a smile and a little wave. After a few seconds, I realized it was Owen… a guy I used to date.

“CeCe, good morning…”

“Hey Owen, how are you?”

“Good… good… you’re looking beautiful, as always”

I laughed, “thanks”

“Here, sit down,” he said, offering me his seat.

As I sat down, I felt really uncomfortable. Looking at Owen, I couldn’t figure out why we stopped dating. We never “broke up” we just kind of “broke off” from each other over time. As we began to catch up about work and how we’d spent our summers, it all came back to me slowly.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Owen. He is a well-traveled CPA who takes his little brother to Knicks games a few times a year. He’s funny and smart and would probably be considered a catch by most girls. I just don’t feel anything for him. I think we’re both confused by our lack of chemistry because we continued to date on and off for a year. Every few months, he would call and ask me out… I would go, but eventually things just kind of… fizzled.

We’ve all had guys who just vanished and didn’t call us back, and we cared because we were into them… but when two people just kind of stop calling eachother even though there’s nothing wrong, it can create a grey area that’s odd to navigate.

I think that’s why I was so uncomfortable running into him, I think it would have been easier if Owen and I had a bad break-up because then I’d know how to treat him! As most of you know, I have some pretty crazy dating stories (remember the guy with no teeth? or the dude who lived in a shelter? *shakes head*) when I’ve run into those guys or guys that I’ve officially broken up with, I’ve known what to do, I’ve been able to dodge them or give a curt hello and keep it moving and that made sense to me.

But because Owen and I stopped dating for no particular reason, I found myself feeling unresolved. Also, because he would still reach out from time to time I never felt that we were ever completely “over”. Apparently, he felt the same way because I got a text message from him a few days later asking if I wanted to have dinner. I explained that I was seeing someone and we left it at that.

When it comes to dating, I feel like I hear people (myself included) classify their dating history as a series of  awful endings. But sometimes there are people who we just date… and then we stop for whatever reason.  Owen isn’t “the one that got away”, “my crazy ex”, “that jerk I dated” or anything. He’s just a guy I used to date but didn’t have chemistry with, so we just let things fizzle. Oddly enough that was very hard for me to wrap my head around.

Have any of you had a dating situation just fizzle out?

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  • Jeniese

    Yes I have. But I often say just because someone is a nice guy, doesn’t mean they are the nice guy for me. You have to trust your feelings.

    • thebiggirlblog

      So so true… I think sometimes we feel pressed to just be with someone, ANYONE and that’s not the point of dating!

  • shesprettybig

    Yes, I dated a guy online and via phone and skype for over a year. We had a amazing digital connection. I can’t even describe the kind of feelings that came over me when I talked to this guy. But then when we finally met and hung out it just wasn’t the same. He wasn’t the same. I mean he was still the same guy physically (it wasn’t one of those fake pic situations) but he wasn’t “himself”. His online personality was much more interesting. We tried to connect several times in person but it just didn’t happen. We still talk and have this interesting long distance spark but it’s not what it used to be because I know that when we hang out in person its not there, at all. He actually moved to my city and we run into each other on occasion and its really weird. Even though we text occasionally and that’s not weird at all. I find myself having that same problem, not knowing how to treat him.

    Love your blog btw

  • Bianca

    I did have a dating situation “fizzle” out. I wouldn’t say he was a “catch”, but he wasn’t a bad guy either. I just wasn’t feeling the chemistry. He would shower me with compliments and showed me off to all of his friends/acquaintances, I was a few months out of a bad breakup and I loved the attention, but in the back of my mind I wished it were coming from someone else.. someone I actually felt a connection with. We dated three months and we never officially “ended” or had a “breakup” discussion, there was just one weekend where we had said we’d see each other, and then neither of us ever called or texted the other to confirm.. and that was that. It seemed like we had a mutual understanding about it. About a year later, we reconnected on Facebook and it was similar to your experience with not knowing how to react. I don’t have a Facebook account anymore and luckily I haven’t ran into him in person anywhere… I can only imagine how awkward that might feel.

  • Lyla

    Awww, he sounds great though… but yeah, if you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. But hey… how about sending him to Cali to meet me?? I might feel it. LOL!!!… Beware too though, I’ve attended a few weddings with the marrying couple’s love story being re-told starting off very similarly to what you describe here.

  • Roxanne

    I had that once with the guy I call my Transitional Man, of my Facebook Mutual Friend post. http://wp.me/p1sXPw-h He was good on paper, quite a catch, but it went no where. He sends me a Facebook message every once in a while. Nice, smart guy.