Would You Date the Men Who Want to Date You?

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I was reading a magazine while doing my laundry and I came across this:

I snapped a picture and posted it on my twitter and facebook pages with the caption “thoughts?”

A few of you were like “duh. Men approach me a lot!” a few asked “what do these men consider to be ‘plus size’?” I also got a lot of responses saying “Where are these men?!?”

That third response resonated with me. The dating life of a Plus Size Princesses can sometimes feel like a scavenger hunt as we keep our eyes peeled for men who don’t have a problem dating a woman with curves (or lumps). I can remember going to clubs with my skinny friends and keeping my fingers crossed that just one guy in the club would be cool with dancing with me. And if they asked for my number? It was like lightning had struck!

So I’m thinking, if 78% of men polled would truly “Rather Date a Confident Plus Size Woman Than and Insecure Supermodel” why is it that PSPs don’t feel like we’ve got a chance with 78% of the men out there?

(side note: For this post I’m going to skip over the confidence piece, because I get annoyed with the constant “have confidence!” advice out there. But I will revisit the confidence element in another post.)

Okay, back to this 78% thing. Here’s what I’m wondering. Glamour mag didn’t say 78% of attractive doctors and lawyers over six feet tall would prefer a +size girl with confidence. They said 78% of men. So that includes of all types of men, not just what we consider ideal.

When I first moved to NYC, I was approached by men as much as (or maybe more) than my skinny friends, but I never went on dates. Why? Because the men who approached me weren’t “what I was looking for”. At that time, the only guys I would give attention to were the ones who looked like boy band members (don’t laugh, it’s what I liked!). I didn’t care what race you were as long as you could dance, had a megawatt smile, dressed well and had a sharp haircut. Those guys weren’t interested in me and the ones that were turned out to be gay, so… yeah (actually, you should laugh at me!).

I’m not saying we need to lower our standards. If you’re a TBGB reader you know that’s not what I’m about. (If this is your first time here read Superficial Fat Chicks or Can a Big Girl Date a Hot Guy). But I’m wondering if that 78% of men who would consider dating us is comprised of dudes that we’re passing up for reasons that don’t matter.

I’ve talked a million times about making little adjustments to my non negotiables for a man. As a 5’10 girl, deciding that I no longer needed a guy who was above 6 feet was huge for me. But guess what? If I was still holding onto that 6 foot rule, Robert, at 5’10 and 3/4, wouldn’t have made the cut.

A few years ago I was walking on 72nd and Broadway, ranting to myself about how I never attracted the “right” kind of guys. As I crossed the street, there was a tall man who worked for NYC Sanitation emptying a garbage can. Like this guy I thought to myself He’s probably attracted to me but… and before I could finish my thought, the sanitation worker told me I was beautiful and asked if he could call me. I politely declined, but if I were single and could do it again, I would give him a chance. 

I wrote him off based on his profession and that was wrong. He wasn’t bad looking, he could have been the most well read/caring man in the world and… he worked for the city which means he had health insurance!

My point is, before we whine that men are just passing us by, lets look around and make sure we’re not letting a good one go.

Just a thought!

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Thigh Chafing Remedies – No More Chub Rub (part 2)

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For me the beginnings of chub rub start with a little pinching feeling on the inside of my thighs. It doesn’t take much… maybe a five-minute walk down the block bare-legged before a painful quarter sized blister begins to form and I’m miserable for days after. I’ve heard many suggestions to stop chub rub, I’ve tried them all and none of them work.

Baby powder didn’t work. Pure cornstarch didn’t work. Vaseline didn’t work. Deodorant didn’t work The list goes on and on…

Of course, I could always wear spanx/shorts under my dresses, but we all know how I feel about that. I mean, what’s the point in wearing a light airy sundress if I’m bound up like fort knox underneath? I also don’t want to worry about my spanx showing when a breeze lifts my skirt a bit or when I sit and my skirt rides up a few inches.

Last summer I made a life changing discovery: a product that relieves inner thigh chaffing/chub rub. The Monistat powder gel was the first product that actually worked for me when it came to putting out the fire that would burn between my thighs. I purchased it, I loved it, I swore by it.

Well this summer, I saw a commercial for a new anti-chaffing product by Gold Bond. I love that this issue is getting attention and I’ll support any company that’s trying to address it. So I tracked some down:

This stuff is different from the powder gel because it’s a stick (like deodorant). I have to say… I REALLY like it! I think the deodorant style application makes sure I don’t waste any on my hands, it lasts longer and it has no odor at all. I still love the Monistat version, but its nice to know that I have options.

I can proudly say that I have worn dresses and gone bare-legged every day for the past 6 weeks with no issues using the Gold Bond. And when it comes to the fashion show that I’m doing next week, I’m excited that I can wear anything they give me and not worry about wearing shorts underneath or getting blisters from walking down the runway… these products really do change everything!

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Dating Abroad: The Rules (Presented By: Jazzed Free Dating)

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There is no hard and fast rule for dating people in a foreign country. Just as every culture is different, so is the deal for courting, relationships and marriage. Here are some essential tips before diving into a dating adventure when overseas.

 Say ‘bah’ to the language barrier

 The language barrier is just another level to the new experience. Getting to know somebody in spite of language differences can be challenging, but ultimately rewarding. Many travellers are charmed when locals attempt to speak their language. Likewise, learning some of the local lingo can win brownie points in the dating game. It shows that a traveller is interested in the local culture. The BBC offers free online language resources and fun activities that are easy to pick up anywhere in the world.

Think twice on going Dutch

 The exploits of 20th century feminism have meant that men and women often share equal costs, including date night expenses. However, some parts of the world haven’t adopted this attitude. In fact, it’s considered offensive for a woman to pay in parts of the world. In most northern European countries it’s quite acceptable and similar to Australia. In southern European countries gender roles are a lot more old-fashioned, and as such, the expectation is that men will take a woman out and treat her to a good meal. When in doubt, it pays to check first with someone local and in the know.

 Underwhelming and overwhelming behaviour 

 Another important factor is how you approach someone when asking them out on a date. For example, in Germany and most northern European countries it’s acceptable to be nonchalant and cool about asking someone out.

While in parts of South America it may involve a declaration of love, strong romantic wooing with flowers and other assorted goodies, mostly from men towards women. Avoid cross-cultural confusion by watching what others do. Many social dating sites connect people with similar interests. By mapping what people like through a complicated algorithm, they cut through the cultural barriers. Joining a dating website could be just the ticket for a dating and travel adventure. For more information, check out a few different sites that take your fancy.

 Public displays of affection

There are cultural differences between how much physical contact people should have. So before getting touchy-feely with a girl in Thailand at the night markets, think twice. She will be incredibly embarrassed, as it’s an absolute no-no to kiss in public.

This is the complete opposite of Central and South America, where the display of affection is celebrated between people. So don’t be shy in these countries. Men are known to declare their love for women after only a couple of hours or days at times. They are open and proud of their love for one another.

In India, Africa and Asia, the opposite is true. Often there’s a complicated social stratum to navigate through. This can include involving the parents of the woman, having a dowry, getting married and so on. Dating abroad can be a minefield of culture shock and faux pas moments, but it can also be a great adventure. Consider some of these ‘rules’ when jumping into your dating adventure abroad.

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TBGB News: CeCe’s Walking in the BlogHer ’12 Fashion Show & Style Spotlight

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Hey Lovelies,

I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I’ve been asked to walk in a fashion show during the BlogHer ’12 conference next week.

I’m so excited… I’m so SCARED!

This event has been pretty hush, hush but last night I got permission to share the info with my Plus Size Princesses. The bloggers that they’ve asked to do it are all phenomenal women, so I’m honored to be in such good company.

The show will feature selections from 6pm.com and Elizabeth Arden will be taking care of our faces. Most importantly, we will be styled by the ever so fabulous Kathryn Finney! A full write up of the fashion show can be found here.

For those of you who have been asking for photos of me… I’ll be sure to take some during the show.

xoxo,

CeCe

P.S. Please pray for me that I don’t fall on my face!

 

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Relationships: Overcoming Insecurity

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Last night I attended an artist showcase hosted by Roberts cousin. The event would be swarming with Roberts friends and family so I wanted to look cute. I managed to pull myself together in a black strapless maxi dress, wedge sandals, a chunky iridescent necklace and my new strapless bra (that kept “the twins” right where they needed to be).

When I arrived at the gallery, Robert introduced me to a few people I hadn’t met before and we settled into a pretty good night with music, spoken word and a fashion show along with cocktails and appetizers. I always like watching Robert interact with “his boys” so I pretty much played the background, listening and laughing when appropriate. As Robert talked with the guys, he would do little things like stroke my bare shoulder or lean over to explain who people were as they got up to perform.

In the middle of one set, a girl named Deena came over to Robert and his friends. After she said hello to everyone, Robert put his arm around me to pull me closer to the group, “Deena, you remember CeCe right? You met her a while back…”

“Oh yeah! How are you?” she said.

“I’m fine… good to see you!,” I replied, breaking free from Robert to hug her, “I need another glass of wine, can I get you anything?”

“Sure, actually I’ll come with you!” she said.

I made sure Robert didn’t need anything and then Deena and I headed to the bar. We ended up chatting by ourselves for a long time. She caught me up on her life since I had last seen her which included a new job, moving to a new apartment and a break up with her boyfriend. Robert caught my eye from across the room and I gave him a smile, letting him know that I was fine talking to Deena. We continued chatting about her dating life and how she felt about being back on the market, and then she said “what about you, are you seeing anyone?”

I almost spit out my wine, because I thought she was joking. But she just looked at me waiting for an answer. Once I realized she did not know that Robert and I were an item, I quickly said, “Well, um… yes. I am.” Deena wasn’t around Robert every day, but they catch up enough that she should know the answer to her question. I searched her eyes once more for any indication of a joke, but she just smiled.

“That’s nice, good for you” she said. And then changed the subject.

On the way home, I told Robert what happened. He frowned, “I don’t know why she’d ask you that, I’ve told her all about you. She knows we’re dating. Deena can be really… weird sometimes.”

Then Robert asked the million dollar question, “why didn’t you just tell her you’re seeing me?”

Something you all should know about me is that I am never good in the moment. Maybe it’s because I’m a Cancer, but I’m the type of person who will meet a crazy situation with complete silence and then 24 hours later think of a million things I wish I had said. While some people can confront any situation right away, I’m not like that. When I get upset or uncomfortable, my immediate reaction is to retreat. I need time to collect myself and pull my thoughts together before I can address things that bother me.

As I’m sitting here writing this story to you, I feel like an idiot for not just saying “Yes, I’m dating Robert”. It seems so simple! But one of Roberts friends (a female friend) not knowing that he and I are dating sent a swirl of questions into my head. Why doesn’t she know we’re dating? Isn’t it obvious that we’re together? Is he keeping it from Deena? Is he keeping it from other people?

Deena’s question sent me head first into an ocean of my own insecurities. I realized that although Robert has never given me any reason to feel like he was keeping our relationship a secret from anyone, there’s a part of me that is waiting for something outrageous like that to happen. I hear so many stories about Plus Size Princesses who get “played” by guys in one way or another. I’ve got my share of crazy dating stories and I think in the back of my mind I’m wondering if its possible for me to actually have a real/legit relationship. I think I’m waiting for the “catch” and so Deena’s question sent me into a bad place.

I hate that my insecurities give other people that kind of power.

Now, I’m realizing how personal insecurities can be detrimental to relationships and how important it is to work those things out as much as possible before we drag other people through unnecessary drama. This is something I need to work on.

Have any of you had your insecurities get in the way with your boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends? How did you address it?

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Plus Size Fall Fashion Preview with SimplyBe.com

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Yesterday I attended a lunch with some of my blogger pals, to take a peek at what SimplyBe.com has in store for the fall.

For those of you who don’t know, SimplyBe is a European brand that is branching into the US market (they’re also available in Germany). Their clothes range from sizes 10-28 which I love, because Plus Size Princesses on both ends of the spectrum can find things that fit.

Here are a few of the things I really liked from the preview. I’ll be placing orders soon so I can tell you how everything fits!

P.S. that little heart detail is the elbow patch on the gray sweater… so cute, right?

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