Don’t Trust a Man Who Changes The Plan

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-Hey beautiful what are you doing tonight?, the text from Daniel read. It was 5pm on a Friday and I was settling into a hair appointment.

-About to get my hair cut, I replied

-I’m at a lounge on 25th street, you should stop by!

Daniel and I had met online and after 10 days of chatting on the computer and the phone, it was time to meet. Daniel suggested that we meet for ice-cream on Saturday and then see a movie. Today was not Saturday, it was Friday so I tossed my phone back into my bag without responding. Daniel had made solid plans with me for Saturday; ice-cream and a movie… today was Friday and suddenly he wants to meet up? No bueno.

In my experience there is a bait and switch that guys tend to do in online dating. They will get you to agree to a nice sensible date and then change the plan at the last-minute and suggest something quick and casual. This last-minute change is often due to a change in their family or work schedule. Something that as a potential girlfriend, you will not want to argue with. Suddenly you go from say… a leisurely bike ride through central park to meeting them for a drink at 11pm near your apartment.

This bait and switch usually has two parts: A.) stroking your ego by saying the rushed date is because they really want to see you B.) Timing last-minute change also lands on a day that forces you to choose between seeing them quickly and right away or waiting another week or two to meet them.

So when Daniel sent a last-minute invitation to “stop by” on Friday even though we already had plans to go on a date Saturday, I saw the writing on the wall. A few minutes later another text came in from Daniel. I take a deep breath and decide to play along, our exchange goes like this…

-Hey, I’m off tonight… I hope I get to see you

-I’m getting my hair done. I’ll just see you tomorrow, cool?

-No sweetie, I work tomorrow night

-When did that change?

-My schedule got mixed up. I’m working all weekend.

-:-(

-Its still early….. think you can make it down here?

-I’m in a hair appointment

-We may have to reschedule then. Too bad… I really wanted to see you.

It was like a script! Tactics A and B were both being used on me, but I wasn’t falling for either one. I eventually wrote back to Daniel saying that we could reschedule whenever he was free and (shocker) I never heard back from him.

I can never figure out why guys do this, but I assume they’re either trying to do a cheap date that ends in a hook-up or do a “dating drive-by” and just get a look at me without actually taking me out. I will never trust a man who changes our plans at the last-minute, so I don’t think I’ll ever really find out what the end-game is. I’ve just had this happen to me more than once, so I figured I’d mention it. It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially if you just want to go on a date!

Have you ever had a guy plan a great date and then change everything at the last-minute? Did you go? If so, what happened?

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  • http://twitter.com/LeahSephira Leah Sephira Salazar

    Sounds fairly douchy of him to do. But yeah its just so typical. Ive not had the exact same scenario but something similar once. It IS like you say like a script. the typical “Its not you its me” bs :P
    But to be fair, his loss!

    x Leah

    • Curvy, Cute and Christian

      It really is a script! I really am starting to think that guys have these secret “Men Meetings” where they all decide what they will say to girls for various occasions. Meeting No. 250- How to get a cheap date: Just tell her that your plans changed at the last minute and get her to meet you somewhere cheaper. SCORE!

      UGH! A lot of guys need to grow up QUICKLY and we women have to stick together and say that we will not cater to these “late-minute dates.”

  • Karen

    Yeah but I tried not to read too much into it or analyze it too much. At best they’re disorganized and I don’t like flaky guys and at worst they’re doing the bait and switch.

  • Jilliane_72

    Omg has happened to me a few times! Thank goodness I am not the only one.

  • Curvy, Cute and Christian

    This has totally happened to me, too! And, me being the sucker that I am (or was), I would feel guilty when I could not accommodate the change. Then, I realized how rude and inconsiderate those last minute plans are for my schedule. It’s one thing when we are an item, but when I don’t know you that well, that is completely unacceptable! Good job, CeCe, for seeing through that trick and for establishing that’s a no-no! I’m glad I’m not the only PSP dating online who’s experienced this trifling behavior…SMH.

    • Anonymous

      augh… Trifling indeed! SMH

  • Jess

    I had a few guys do that to me, but I’ve got a kid, so I tell them nope I don’t have a sitter

  • http://alymusing.blogspot.com/ Aly

    I once dated a guy (for longer than I would like to admit) who was very flaky and would keep changing plans last minute, or would cancel a date but then would call me when we should have gone on the date to see if I was still available. He did this twice before he realized I was not going wait around for him to get his life together and he never cancelled or tried to do a last minute date after that.

  • Skarthikroshan

    It happened some times but this is very common now a days.

  • LC

    This happened to me as well. smh.

  • Belatedbloomer

    Learned something new today, Cece! Thanks a lot!

    http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com

  • Black Barbie 125

    This is how men treat women they don’t like. Again, I had to learn the hard way.

  • Disappointed

    Thank you for your article! I had no idea about the bait and switch strategy…until tonight. So this guy, cancels the SECOND time an hour before meeting citing traffic issues, then agrees to meet an hour later since that would work out (upon my suggestion)…so we were supposed to meet at 8pm, agreed and confirmed. And boom! I get a text about how it would work out best for him to meet at 10 pm now since he had plans to meet his friends. Wow. And then he is trying to convince me about it – that he will pick me up and drop me home, in spite of me saying that we could meet another time and it’s a little weird to meet that late! (The first time, he canceled last minute saying he was busy with work).He kept insisting about the 10pm idea, so I texted him saying I had made other plans and will text if I get free. That shut him up. Flake! But I must say, it’s disappointing as now I have no plans and I am sitting at home watching TV when I could have been out with someone else!! But I see my mistake here – of trusting him to keep his word. Oh well, I thought of giving him another chance. :(

  • Vann

    This happens to me all the time!! It’s so annoying :( once they do that to me basically they lost all their chances with me; I don’t give them a second chance…well it’s not like they are looking for one too :/
    Anyway girls like us don’t deserve those kinda bs. It really is their loss!

  • serialdater

    good advice. i’ve had a date pull up near my house impromptu and offer to pay for chinese food near my apartment. what a prince.