How Do You Flirt? (Part Two: Thirstiness)

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“Raj, you’ve got to meet this girl, she’s awesome!” a hipster guy yelled to his friend as he draped his arm over my shoulder.

Once I realized that bar banter is mostly about carrying on silly/clever conversations, I was good to go. Especially since I wasn’t really trying to meet anyone at the party. But somehow my silly/clever convo’s with different guys would turn into actual conversations.

In between chatting it up with Jess and whatever guy came our way, Robert and I were carrying on a conversation via text. At one point my feet got tired, so I curled up in a corner with my phone. “Where’s CeCe?!” an Asian guy who I’d had some brief “bar banter” with asked Jess. When she pointed me out on the couches, he rushed over and plopped down next to me. “There you are!” he said. “Get off your phone and join the party…”

This was weird.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so popular with men at a party before. Over the course of the night, I felt like there was a constant flow of guys, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed. At one point, even Jess leaned over and whispered “are you still dating Robert? ‘Cause you’re reeling them in tonight!”

It was the kind of night that I would have longed for, when I was “looking”. It was the kind of night I’d imagined would happen all the time if I had lost a substantial amount of weight. I’ve lost weight, but not enough to where it would affect my dating life. So what made me such a guy magnet? I was still thinking about it on the subway ride home and then I remembered something an old friend said to me when we used to attend the BBW parties. I had been complaining about how I wasn’t really meeting anyone and she said,

“CeCe, I don’t want this to sound harsh but… you should try to relax when we’re out. You always look like you’re taking the night super seriously and it makes you seem– thirsty. Guys can see thirstiness from a mile away, so they avoid you. They’re not trying to get engaged or anything– they just want to dance, have fun and see where the night goes. Just try to have a good time and things will happen.”

She was right. I think I always had “could this be it?” in the back of my mind when I met guys so, it seemed like I was on the prowl (which I guess I was). I just wanted to be in a serious relationship, so that “thirstiness” was hard to shake. I always tried to heed her advice, but I knew I wasn’t doing a good job. I was looking for something more serious, but I was projecting that desire and it was too much for a bar/club setting. I was scaring guys off.

Now that I’m dating Robert, I truly couldn’t care less about the guys that I meet. When I talk to them, I’m not “thirsty” or “pressed” to make a love connection and I think that might make guys want to talk to me more. Even thinking back to when I met Robert: He always talks about how he thought I was a snob at first. I think because we met at work, I didn’t have my “could this be it?” feelers up. I was relaxed, focused on work (almost aloof, even) and somehow that lack of thirstiness translated into him making a point to get to know me better.

It’s quite a paradox, that having a guy in my life makes me more at ease with other men and then more desirable to them. You know how the guys you’re 100% UNINTERESTED in are the ones who pursue you the hardest? Maybe its because those are the guys who never see our “thirsty side”.

If I ever find myself “looking” again (hopefully, I wont ;-)), I’m really going to try to keep my thirstiness at bay.

Do any of you feel like you might come off a little “thirsty” when you meet guys? Have you observed “thirstiness” in other girls?

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  • Malliesmommy

    OMG! This is so true… Like my granny says,”FEAST OR FAMINE.” If your not looking or interested in someone, there is a abundance of men. When your looking nothing is around.

  • Vanessa

    Yea, I (ashamedly) definitely do that myself. I can’t help myself some of the times, it just happens. But I’m determined to start over this summer and focus just on me. Move off the dating sites and focus on getting my weight, self-image, and self-awareness under control….I’m moving to find ME over the next few months, and not Mr. Right. Even at 28 (when I feel like I’m already being put on the shelf). I’m anticipating the next few months and how I’m going to do it! I’ve already set a goal….a 5k I’m doing with friends in September!!! No more ‘Thirsty’ attitude from this girl! Fun, healthy, flirty, and confident here we come! :)

  • Adaow

    You are so right….. Somehow lately, i have some men around who start texting me (is it a sign?). While I start thinking to give up for any relationship, seriously.

  • http://twitter.com/DateDaily DateDaily.com

    Like the idea of ‘thirstyness’ it’s sounds much better than ‘desperate’ which is thrown around way too casually these days. It’s so true though, there’s nothing that makes you more attractive to the opposite sex than the ease and confidence you have when you’re attached. Such a Catch-22!

  • Emma

    I never thought I was. But now I’m starting to think I do. I never really feel totally relaxed when I go out and I find myself looking out for people rather than just enjoying myself.

  • chantal

    i never really thought of myself as giving off a ‘thirsty’ air about me-i definately know i am different around people-for example over last summer i was working for the govt of canada-and i was able to strike up and maintain friendships with married people-because in my mind they were safe-i really didn’t care what they thought of me-and somehow those ended up being the people who were ‘attracted to me’ whereas i clammed right up around the actual ‘potentials’ so it made me look all the time like i wasn’t interested-for me its more of a comfort thing i think rather than a thirsty thing-i am always looking around at people, smiling and making eye contact-but thats where it ends-they try to talk to me and im done-im just socially handicapped around single men-around anyone else im fine and they all think im great-i have noticed the difference-i just haven’t figured out how to fix it lol

  • http://bexxxtacy.blogspot.com/ Bexxx

    So I’ve been in a relationship for like 6 years and whenever my single friends complain about not having boyfriends I always say you just need to relax! Just let it happen, don’t try to force it. Then, I read about single people who are tired of being told that they need to “relax and just let it happen” but it is seriously the best advice ever! I mean, just relaxing in general is good advice.

    Also, whenever I go out now I always work in that I’m in a relationship right off the bat so guys don’t get any ideas. Unless I’m vying for some free drinks, of course.