I Love My Boyfriend…Thoughts???


“Do you say you love each other?” Dean asked, while taking a long sip of his Tequilla Sunrise.

“Um… we’ve kind of said it. I dunno…” Jay seemed a little uncomfortable with the question as he looked to his friend Omar for a rescue. Omar quickly chimed in, “well, they haven’t been boyfriends for very long… only a few months, right?”

It was Sunday Brunch at Papasito, a restaurant I discovered on the Upper West Side. Papasito does an all you can eat/drink brunch buffet featuring unlimited mimosa, Bellini, tequilla sunrise etc. and an endless supply of traditional Spanish food, an omlette station and the best french toast I’ve ever had… not weight loss friendly, but DELISH! Oh, and its only $20!

5 Gay men + 1 Plus Size Princess + Unlimited cocktails = lots of girl talk… or as we like to call it “gurl talk”.

Dean motioned for another round of drinks for the table, “but if they’re boyfriends, doesnt that mean they love each other?”

“Not necessarily,” Adam chimed in.

“I don’t make someone my boyfriend unless I love them,” Dean said. “I date them and once I know that I love them, we make it official… exclusive… or whatever.”

The table was quiet for a moment while everyone pondered that statement.

“I feel like, having a boyfriend means exclusivity more than anything else,” I said through bites of my juevos rancheros. “If I decide to date someone exclusively it’s because I like them the best out of everyone I’m seeing, so I want to devote 100% of my dating energy to figuring out if I could love them and see a future with them.”

“Right,” Adam continued, “you make someone your boyfriend and then hopefully you grow to love each other.”

“Interesting,” Dean said. “I didn’t know people did that.”

Once I got home and the alcohol wore off, Dean’s theory was still in the forefront of my mind. I’ve had girl friends who felt that after ___ months it was time to say “I love you”. I’ve always felt that love was something that grew with time, but based on what Dean was saying, every boyfriend he’s ever had has been a time he was in love.

Robert and I were such close friends when we started dating, that I already loved him. With Robert its been more about watching that love change/grow/evolve. But in general, I’m guarded and very slow to say “I love you” so the idea of having a boyfriend that I don’t love is fine with me.

I’m wondering if that’s not normal, though… do most girls automatically love their boyfriends?



  • http://austinstf.tumblr.com slavetofashion

    I think love is one of the trickiest things to define and express. It’s sad that the English language only has 1 word to express such a myriad of emotions. I personally use three words – luff, lurve, and love. I think luff is what you feel when you first meet and start dating someone – you know, the puppy love, the infatuation, etc. Lurve is when you stop just dating and become a couple. It’s a deeper connection and it’s past casual dating. Love is reserve for long time partners, close friends and family. That is the unconditional, in it for the long haul, love you even when I’m mad feeling. I think a lot of people fall into the trap of calling every romantic notion and attachment “love” and I applaud you for not rushing it.

    • Anonymous

      OMG, I LOVE that… three words, three stages… I think you’re on to something! xoxo

    • Onecrazyasian

      Omg. So true!!!

      So many phases of love. It hard to explain. It evolves as the relationship evolves.

  • Dena Upton

    I see it as the difference between like, love, and in love. I like a guy, and I want to date him. I love a guy, and want him to be my boyfriend. This to me is like a best friend kind of love. It’s a type of trust for me. I think that love grows, like you said, and later on you find out if you are “in love” with him or not. You can love a guy without ever becoming in live with him. That is why things are so complicated haha.

    • Anonymous

      Love vs. In Love… that’s where things get tricky! lol

  • Tweekalina2

    When dating, I feel I only see the surface of who this man is, we hang out but not a whole lot and I don’t introduce him to family or all of my friends. I don’t see the point if we may not see each other after a couple weeks. The dating period is like the probation period of a possible monogamous relationship because I don’t wanna go all in without some hope of winning in the end. Love is so diverse and complicated that I wait until I’m in a bf/gf relationship to fully allow myself to trust and give all of me (and him the same) too see if we like each other enough to love each other.

  • http://twitter.com/erin_pace Erin Pace

    As someone previously stated, there is a major difference between being in love and loving someone. I have been in relationships with guys where I knew that I loved them, but I wasn’t necessarily in love with them. I never put a time limit on telling someone I am in love with them. But I do think about after a certain period of time I know that either a) I can see myself falling in love with him; or b) I don’t think I can see myself falling in love with him. When I reach that point in my relationships we have “the talk”. I do not necessarily think it you have to be dating a long time to know whether or not you are in love. My boyfriend and I have only been together now for five months, and I knew that I loved him after only 8 weeks! Love is tricky emotion.

  • http://twitter.com/Stacy_Corrigan Stacy Corrigan

    Based on my experience having fallen head over heels in love with my man at first sight and still in love after 5 years I believe that you know right away if you love someone. I don’t believe that love grows on us or that we fall in love with someone over time. I believe that if you aren’t in love with your partner now, you won’t be in love 5 years from now just because time has passed. I’m a believer of asking the universe to “try again please” until you are with the person who is right for you. I know that’s easy for me to say since I’ve Manifested My Man, but I also know that this kind of love is worth waiting for. There isn’t anything else that compares to the bliss and quality of life that comes from true love.
    Stacy Corrigan Chief Manifester and author of soon to be released Manifest Your Man (R).

  • http://www.facebook.com/johnysantangelo Johny Santangelo

    One can judge in just 15 seconds, whether he/she clicked. : http://www.youmeetme.com