Online Dating: “What are You Looking For?”


I was reading a post on Dating is Warfare last week and it reminded me of one of my biggest online dating mistakes.

I had signed up for a my first profile on a dating site at a point where I really didn’t want a boyfriend, but I wanted a guy to go out with (movies, coffee, whatever). I wanted to keep it light and I wanted to keep it fun. When my profile questionnaire asked me to select what I was looking for, it was pretty simple. My options were Relationship, Dating, Hang Out, Pen Pal and I selected Hang Out.

I started getting a lot of sexual messages from guys which I promptly deleted. Then I started talking to a cute red-headed guy and by the third day of chatting, he asked when I was free. I told him my schedule and then he started getting really graphic and sexual asking what we would do when we saw each other. I responded saying something like “Um… I thought we’d go to the movies or something. That’s all.” After going back and forth for a bit, I was very clear with him that we would not be hooking up. After a long pause, he said, “I don’t understand, your profile said you wanted to ‘hang out’ if that’s not what you’re into– you should really change it so you don’t waste people’s time.”

Whoa. I had no idea that “hang out” was a code for “hook up”, I thought it literally meant hang out/spend time together.

Needless to say, I changed my profile selection right away to “dating” but like Dating Trooper, in my effort to keep it light and easy I made myself look like I just wanted sex.

Lesson Learned.

Have any of you made any Online Dating mistakes?

  • La-Shanta

    Well! I had no idea that “hang out” meant “hook up”. No wonder I keep getting the guys who just wanna screw. But, are we sure that “dating ” isn’t some guy-code for the same thing? I’m almost at a give up point. :(

    • Yoliebee

      “Dating” is pretty much the same thing. It means I would like to get to know you better while sleeping wit you, but I don’t want a commitment of any kind. Basically, anything but “Long Term” means hook up.

  • Dena

    I have put that I wanted someone to chat with, and I have had men assume it means I want to hook up. I don’t know what to say if the words I put mean something totally different haha.

  • Jess

    I’m pretty sure everything is guy code for “hook up”. I have my dating profile set for relationship and I recently had a guy actually ask how much “time” with me would cost…. yeah….

  • Eric

    That’s so true – I hope he gets his just desserts! LOL

  • Barry

    Lol – so true! I hope the next blog really tackles similar issues in the way that this one did! Keep up the good work!

  • Kellie B

    So it wasn’t a dating mistake but more of an ignorance of these “terms”. My girls and I were in Mexico celebrating a birthday and these guys asked “do you guys party” and we thought HECK YEA! But when we learned the meant stranger orgy in their room we learned the answer to “do you party” is HELL NO lol.

  • Stacey

    I had no idea about that either when I first signed up to OK Cupid. They should really put up some kind of guidelines on that website… I learned that men will assume and try anything, especially if you meet them online. Just be careful!

  • Vivi

    I’ve put up a profile of myself once with a picture and all I got was sexual responses. Very, very annoying.

  • Maddy

    LOL, I keep getting messages from creepy older guys…like, older than my dad. EEEEEWWWWW!