Can a Big Girl Date a Hot Guy?

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“CeCe’s dating a really great guy,” my friend Rebecca gushed to her coworkers.

It was “Thirsty Thursday” and I’d met Rebecca and her “PR girl” coworkers for a few martini’s and tapas in midtown. Put five girls in their 20′s together with a few drinks and inevitably the conversation will turn to… boys. My friends coworkers had all been complaining about the idiots they were dating and making ominous statements like “there are no good straight men in New York City!”

Rebecca’s statement was meant to prove that there were still great guys left in the city. Her coworkers followed up with a line of questioning on exactly how/where/when we met, how long we’d been dating etc.

I answered all of their questions and tried to change the subject to other things, but one girl in particular kept pressing me about Robert. Something about the way she was asking questions made me feel like she was trying to challenge me in some way. It was almost as if she was shocked that I (a Plus Size Princess) was dating someone and she (a no-carb, fat-free, skinny-minnie PR girl) was not.

I love talking about Robert and how he makes me happy, but this felt different. Rebecca continued to gush about Robert and me “Oh my God, you should have seen them at her best friend’s wedding this summer– they were the cutest couple on the dance floor…”

I smiled and tried again to change the subject, “I dated a lot of guys before I met him though– have you girls ever tried  online dating?” We spoke about dating websites for a while and I thought I was off the hook, but Rebecca’s coworker wasn’t finished.

“Do you have any photos of your boyfriend?” she asked.

“Um, sure…” I said pulling out my phone. As I scrolled through my phone and found my favorite photo of Robert and me. In it, I am smiling at the camera and Robert is looking at me with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Turning my phone screen to her, I had a feeling that the low-fat skinny-minnie was going to “sh*t bricks” as Rebecca likes to say and that’s exactly what she did.

“Oh My God, he’s HOT!” she exclaimed taking the phone from my hands and staring at it for a few seconds before showing the other girls who gave genuine “awww’s”. She handed the phone back to me. “Wow, good for you…” before taking a long sip of her drink.

“Thanks,” I replied. I wanted to yell “WINNING!”, but I figured that would be too much.

Here’s the thing, according to society’s standards big girls aren’t supposed to have hot boyfriends. But somehow I ended up with a really attractive guy. In the beginning I would worry about people thinking “what is he doing with her” when they saw us. But to my surprise guys (and homeless men) stop Robert all the time to tell him that he’s a lucky guy.

Sadly, women aren’t always so kind. I’ve had girls try to flirt with Robert in front of my face and it used to really do a number on my self-esteem.

All of that changed a few months ago when Robert and I went to karaoke with some friends. Robert scrolled through the song catalog and found  Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot like Me by The Pussycat Dolls. “I want you to sing this for me,” he said with his boyish grin. When my turn came to sing,  he cheered me on while I danced and strutted around the bar… the whole bar went nuts cheering me on and Robert loved it! In that moment I realized yes, I’m dating a hot guy… and he thinks I’m hot too. Outside of that, nothing really matters.

Have any of you ever dated a hot guy? Did it make you insecure?

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  • Dena

    I have never dated a hot guy, but I have always felt like even in all my plus sized glory that I could. The thing that gets me is that somehow it’s a crazy idea for people that a big girl could get a hot guy, but the dirtiest of guys seem to think they are worthy of a supermodel. I do a lot of looking on online dating sites, and I get messages from the nastiest guys because some how the fact that I am plus sized means I should take anything that wants me. But when I, a beautiful PLUS SIZE woman, work up the nerve to even message a semi attractive man, I get blown off or harassed by them. People are crazy! You go with your sexy man girl!

    • Yoliebee

      Same here, babe! When I’m online dating, I get the worst guys, and I hate to be mean, but 20 years older or really short, or Indian or something is just not my thing. Just because I’m plus sized does not mean I’m desperate. I’m beautiful, smart, successful and I’m a catch. I’d like a man who treats me as such.

      • Lukey_dee

        As a guy, bigger girls in general are waaay harder to get with, the defensiveness kills me!

  • KandiCoated

    Most of the guys I have dated have been HOT and I’m talking about from high school on to now(I’m 28), it bothered me most in high school, because I was insecure and thought that I was just lucky to have them, now I feel, hell they are lucky to have me! LOL. Some women can be catty and mean but I’ve learned that those types don’t just do that to us big chicks, but to anybody with a fine man. The side eye’s and snickers can be a little off putting because it’s like damn, just because I’m overweight does NOT mean that I’m unattractive or not worthy of a sexy guy, but the moment is fleeting because while they hate, I know that my man loves every inch and pound of me and those naysayers can choke on a twinkie.

  • Zara

    First, I have to tell you that I LOVE your blog! Your writing is always honest, funny, and totally relatable (is that a word, lol)! You and I are so much alike its scary! I am a PSP and I am hawt fiyah! My bf is cute and wonderful. I ran through so many duds it isn’t even funny, before I met him. His love and acceptance of me has helped me realize what I always have known in my heart that I am worthy of a wonderful and good-looking man. And I know about all of those skinny girl haters out there. Just wave hello and keep it moving. Take care and I look forward to many more posts!

  • http://shesopinionated.com B.Good

    All I date are hot guys…lol. But yes, I’ve dated a hot guy (or two) in my time, and yes, I’ve wondered “what does he see in me” or wondered if he has some kind of fetish. Thinking back, I’m sure I missed out on a guy or two because I was all in my head about why he wanted to approach me.

    But as I wised up a bit and gained more confidence in myself, I too realized that the hot guys I’ve dated were genuinely into me for me, and thought I was a hottie too. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    I’m glad you and your hottie found each other. Continue to flaunt each other and be hot together!

  • C

    I seriously teared up reading the end of this post where you sing for Robert, that is so cute! Totally a triumphant movie-moment out of the blockbuster hit CeCe: The Awesomest Ever. :)

    I have also run into those girls who assume you are unloveable because there is more of you to love . . . I kind of feel bad for them because they actually could have been eating carbs all this time and still get the handsome fellas. Way to rock that skinny-minis world. Maybe she’ll eat a cookie once in a while and start working on her personality (not that skinny chicks automatically have crap personality . . . but from your post it sounds like that might be more her problem).

  • Knight

    Oh my GOD I love this story! Except, you are hot and you know it so it doesn’t make any sense. You do know it, right?

  • blondennyc

    being a former plus size girl–i can tell you ALL women REGARDLESS of their size have the question “what’s he doing with me” running though our minds. it is how we are wired, we seem to somehow have this feeling that he’s looking for something better than us and he’s simply biding his time with us till the better thing comes along.
    i agree with dena “dirtiest of guys seem to think they are worthy of a supermodel”.. but honestly i feel it’s a WOMAN thing NOT a size thing. i am possibly more insecure today at a size 6 than i was at a size 30 ..why some may ask? it’s simple (at least to me) i have a lot more competition today than before. yes, i maybe “normal” (for whatever credit that is due)but i’m also 5’4 and in the city of manhattan littered with super models i might as well be a size 30 as many think it to be i’m still plus size…but i digress… all women can date a hot guy the real question should be does he honestly love us for who we are and not what we look like? that to me is the real question

  • Colleen

    I am a plus size princess and my boyfriend is wicked hot. I have never questioned his love for me because of my size. I do get stares from skinny girls all the time and have had some of them go right up to him and try to flirt with him in front of me as if I am not standing right there. I have no problem telling them where to go, and neither does he. I outweigh him by close to 140 lbs, so I’m pretty sure this is why we get stared at all the time.
    Keep enjoying your hot guy, cause those other girls are just being catty and jealous that they probably don’t have the personalities to keep a hot guy interested in them very long.

  • Sage

    I haven’t dated at all! im 23 and im too scared to go out on a date with a guy that i think is cute. i dont believe it, to the point where i stop myself from “getting hurt” by not trying in the first place. Guys that ask me out are usually bummy looking. im mean seriously- one dude looked like he just rolled out of bed. he was missing teeth and i could smell the alcohol from his breathe. he looked me up and down and then asked for my number. not even a hi, or whats your name.. but ” you, can i get your numba”. i looked at him in disbelief.

    I want to be with a guy im attracted to. Yes, i like hot guys, and average guys too. i dont think i should end up with someone with balls just because im single and i need to be with someone. why does our society act this way. i would much rather be single. than with someone i dont like and unhappy.

    • Magen

      I’m exactly the same. I’m 19 and a plus size girl. I’ve also never dated. I’m scared of the rejection on my end. I’ve also had someone interested in me but he wasn’t attractive at all. I agree with you. I would rather wait and be single than to be with someone that I’m not attracted to or doesn’t make me happy. I don’t think I should settle just because I’m not what society thinks I should be.

  • http://twitter.com/girltrueheart lusty sagittarian

    CeCe!!! Yesssssss! I am so happy to read this post! You have it goin’ on! I had the opposite experience with women friends oddly enough. I have always been with men that other women described as hot, but I would always tell myself that couldn’t be possible (whether I was heavy or not at the time). But looking back over the last 20 years, including a 7-yr marriage, and photos upon photos, I can see that yes, they were incredibly handsome men (and my hopeful forever man now as well). You seem to see the truth in your life. That’s a gift. Live in the light of the truth, don’t fool yourself or shame yourself into distorting that light. Always cheering you on.

  • LoveLiveNiecey

    I am so happy for you CECE!!! & Just like others I relate to your blog all the time. I have dated a few guys & I think their hot & when I showed my friends their pictures they thought they where hot too. As I grow older (Only 20) I realize my confidence grow, Because when I was in a relationship with these guys I didn’t believe they where hot. Like it just confuse me on why a hot guy would want me? My insecurities run deep. But like I said as I mature my confidence mature also. Now Im beginning to ask myself why wouldn’t an hot guy want me, I’m about to start traveling the world, in a year i be finish with college & i have to much to offer. But thanks for your post to encourage me (& others) a little bit more. All us PSP Need to stick together.

  • Lee

    Hi Ce Ce
    Firstly, love your blog, I’m an older PSP andI relate so much to what you write as well. if I look back all the guys I dated before i got married were hot and they persued me, I’ve never lacked for male attention, many of my friends are men, and this used to surprise me,because all the time I was getting the message from society that I should be unlovable. A lot of rubbish, but I have battled this at every size. my husband , who is gorgeous, thinks I’m hot, he’s always telling me I look like Faye Dunaway. Funnily enough I could not see it because I had been conditioned by how society saw me, but I think he may have something -when I am more objective there is a definite resemblance.
    On the negative side, woman can be so judgmental, I was walking down the street the other day when this woman gave me the full up and down look with a disapproving look on her face. I was looking really great, but she made me shrink, just awful. I never get this from men

  • Glam_Rach

    Loving this post and so so so true!!!

    I’ve been a lucky girl and dated a lot of hot men! In fact it’s a but of a running joke amongst my friends that I’ve dated the hotest guys and they comment they don’t need to see a photo of a new guy cos they know he will be hot.

    I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with the Maya Angelou poem ‘Phenominal Women’ … I like to think some of us PSP have that effect. It’s all in the attitude. I’ve got a good make friend who is very hot who I used to date but he is a bit of a mam about town so dating wise it didn’t go anywhere but we still hang out. He one said quote matter of fact…. Rachael you know why guys are drawn to you- your smile, it lights up a room. Your always smiling and your always giving off such a positive vibe. Your just you. …. I tho I this sunk in and I have accepted a lot more since then.

    But yeah love it when the skinny minnies are shocked! Is that bad of me lol :-)

    Thanks for sharing

  • Lee

    Love that poem Racheal! Posting it here for all the other PSPs to walk tall!Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
    I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
    But when I start to tell them,
    They think I’m telling lies.
    I say,
    It’s in the reach of my arms
    The span of my hips,
    The stride of my step,
    The curl of my lips.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    I walk into a room
    Just as cool as you please,
    And to a man,
    The fellows stand or
    Fall down on their knees.
    Then they swarm around me,
    A hive of honey bees.
    I say,
    It’s the fire in my eyes,
    And the flash of my teeth,
    The swing in my waist,
    And the joy in my feet.
    I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    Men themselves have wondered
    What they see in me.
    They try so much
    But they can’t touch
    My inner mystery.
    When I try to show them
    They say they still can’t see.
    I say,
    It’s in the arch of my back,
    The sun of my smile,
    The ride of my breasts,
    The grace of my style.
    I’m a woman

    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    Now you understand
    Just why my head’s not bowed.
    I don’t shout or jump about
    Or have to talk real loud.
    When you see me passing
    It ought to make you proud.
    I say,
    It’s in the click of my heels,
    The bend of my hair,
    the palm of my hand,
    The need of my care,
    ‘Cause I’m a woman
    Phenomenally.
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.

    Maya Angelou

  • B

    What’s wrong with an average looking nice guy?

    I have dated average looking to extremely good looking men and at the end of the day, all that really matters is how they treat me, not how “hot” they are. If a guy is a real sweetheart and treats me well, I will, with much pride and no hesitation, show a photo of him to whoever asks.

    This world is so Kardashianized.

  • Elle

    Ha. I see where B is coming from. My fella is abercrombie hot according to the masses, but I always saw him for who he was not what he looked like. Which is why he pursued ME. Before me and him started spending more time together I had a skinny minnie friend go after him ruthlessly even when she knew we had mutual interests in each other. The fact that he rejected her is what made me start seeing him for the wonderful guy he was. Not just a hot guy. And yes a few weekends ago we were walking downtown holding hands and we got the stares when we walked into a posh bar. I didn’t feel insecure. I felt angry that people felt it was okay to stare and turn their noses up. Screw those people.

  • Janny

    Cece, my boyfriend is HOT! In the 6 years we’ve been together i’ve had those moments where a girl finds out he is my boyfriend and looks at me like ive grown two heads more times then i can count. He loves me just the way i am as a plus size princess and i adore him, we are getting married in 3 mnths and still women try to flirt with him when he is with me! I have grown a thicker skin about it, i am worthy and deserving of love, we all are. and even though its so stupid that people think we cant have great looking boyfriends just because we are chubby or overweight its comforting to know i’m not the only one going through this.

  • yummy.P

    hi Cece!!
    I’m Audrey
    i’m really happy to put a comment on your blog..
    i’ve spend a lot of time reading you, and definitively i like how u’re writing! so crazy!it seems as we’re living the story at the same time as you and for real…ADDICTED!
    first i’m not REALLY a PSP i’m on 12 but as i’m living in India now it’s considered as …OBESE
    i’m coming from Cameroon in central africa; and there it wasn’t already easy to assume those “curves”!
    Anyway!
    talking about dating a “hot guy”…
    i can say yes i had.
    i was around 18, he was 4 years older, a saxophonist soooo handsome!
    i was really crazy ’bout him!lool
    but when we were out, i was feeling uncomfortable, with all the pretty girls he was working with,
    the fans and collegues. I wasn’t specially beautiful or sexy in the way i was dressing…
    but it seemed not to disturb him at all…i don’t know…he wasn’t that much talkative…
    ow i forgot! he wasn’t single! pretty girlfriend but things were going bad between them
    so…definitively not good for me.
    finally i just stop dating him..after a long!
    and now..he is still in my mind :)

  • Rosigirl

    You shouldn’t take it out on thin girls. There’s no “winning” because of anyone’s size. Everybody in the world who is a good person deserves the best, regardless of thier size. And the best isn’t always physical. The best is how your man makes you feel. Life is not a competition – no matter who you are, there is always someone “more” than you – thinner, richer, fit, healthy, funny – the list goes on and on.

  • LIFEASSLIZ

    I TOTE5 AGREE WITH YOU. I WEIGH 232 POUNDS AND I AM 10 YEAR OLD AND I JUST LUVV URRRE BLOGSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THANK ANYYY GRURL CAN GIT A HAWT GUY IF SHEE PUT HER MIND TO IT. YOURR READERS IN CALII LOVE YOU! KEEP IT UP YUU MAKE MEE SO HAPPE! -LOCVE LIZZ

  • smiles

    I love your blog. You should turn it into a screen play for a movie. I’ve been asked out by a superhot guy but I didn’t have nerve to say yes. Everywhere we went girls were staring at him. He did tell me he liked me just the way I was though.

  • Dunnamanda42

    Hey! I have never done this before. But I’m really discouraged! What the hell is wrong with men? I’m 40, I am over weigh, but not gobby fat, I have been told I’m very pretty. I can’t get a date! I don’t want a husband; I dont even think I want a boyfriend or relationship. I just want a “Friend with Benefits”! Whats wrong with me?!? I work & dont need anyone to pay my bills, or do anything else for me except be my friend & have sex! Is that really so hard to get?

    • Yoliebee

      No, it’s not hard to get. I have guys that only wanna screw me coming out of my ears. Give me your email address, I could send 100 your way. If you can’t find a no strings attached guy, then you’re going about it all wrong. Put up a profile on Plentyoffish.com or “POF”. Say you’re looking to “hang out” or even use the “intimate encounter” category. Put up a couple of cute pics, nothing too revealing, let them use their imagination, and you’ll get more responses than you can handle. Young, old, short, tall, thin, fat, white black and every color in between. My problem is finding someone who wants more than sex from me, and those guys are few and far between. Of course, I will say, having a fwb is not the answer. If you aren’t well practiced at controlling your emotions, you’ll just fall for him. Trust me on that mess, it’s tough.

  • http://twitter.com/mrh1921 Jackie Gillespie

    I’m dating a “hot guy” and you’re right, women judge him for not dating a skinny girl. All his guy friends are jealous for seriously scoring a good one. One of his buds who claimed they would never date a ‘fat chick’, met me, and apologized publicly for being so closed minded. He had no idea a PSP could be ‘hot’. Now admittedly, I get some interesting looks because my guy happens to be paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair ( I tell you what though the built in exercise that comes with that… the arms and chest on this man *drools*) so a lot of the time people this we’re settling for each other because who would want us?

  • DKells

    I know exactly what you mean. My current boyfriend is jaw droppingly gorgeous. His ex was a size 2 and I’m a size 12. We worked together and clicked straight away. Remained friends because he had a girlfriend at the time. He then broke up with her and a month or so later asked me out. I was shocked. Although I felt we had a special connection, I just thought physically, he wouldn’t be interested. Not because I’m down on myself, I think I’m beautiful! But whilst I’m not huge, I’m definitely “too fat” for a lot of guys out there, and especially guys who look like him.

    But after a few dates he actually confessed he’d liked me for ages and that his ex (who I’d been introduced to at work functions) used to constantly quiz him about me because I was physically more “his usual type”. He said her jealousy ruined the relationship.
    She wasn’t over him and when she found out we were dating, hurled abuse at me through facebook. All her insults were “you fat this” and “you fat that”. I’m sure she would have thrown abuse at any girl he was dating but it was definitely like she was insulted that he had picked a “fat girl” over her.

    Weirdly enough, dating him has made me more secure. Seeing and hearing about his ex in her full on insecure crazy, just proved that it’s destructive behaviour. If a guy is going to cheat on you, he will. If he’s going to leave you for someone else, he will. Worrying about it constantly won’t change that, and if anything, it will only drive him away. Love yourself, and the right man will love you too. And if he doesn’t, it’s his loss.

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  • Mallorytiffany

    Oh my how I wish I would have read this when you posted it. I was dating this really hot charning guy and he always wanted to go out and do things togeeether but my own insecurities totally messed things up between us. I wouldn’t alow myself to gain the same confidence with him as I have haad in previuos relationships when the guys waas just okay looking. If I knew then what I know now oh how I would have done things so much differently.

  • EricaJ

    i know this is old but i am new to ur blog and i swear i have had this samw reaction when im out with my man or when people meet him for the first time.. people assume im dating an ogre since i’m a big girl…what tips could u give me to boost my confidence because i know i am beautiful, but some people assume my man is supposed to be ugly since im big no matter how pretty i am and it bothers me when girls blatantly disrespect me or do it behind my back… :(

  • Jaded

    When I was in college, I couldn’t believe this super hot guy was into me. His exes were really hot. We have a long history of not getting together. Totally the one that got away for me. I learned my lesson, and to stop letting my insecurities get in the way.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kbarsky Kim Woldoff Barsky

    I was in a relationship with this guy who whenever I saw him or people met him were always staring at him or saying how hot he was..It made me feel insecure bevause even when we moved in together and I was scared to ever meet his friends because I thought they would judge why he was with me…mind you I was 20 or 21…It was like he lowered my self esteem..Now at 30 I know I was crazy!

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  • SuperJewGirl

    Thank you for writing this! The last guy I dated was a former model and even though I could see how much he liked me I had a really hard time believing he could be into size 16 me. I still feel disbelieving and suspicious when good looking guys flirt with me. I’m working so hard to break the stereotypes and prejudices that fat girls are ugly, don’t deserve love or should settle for anyone who will take them, but it’s so hard to undo a lifetime of programming from society, hollywood and the fashion industry!

  • TheRealist

    One in a million. I’m lucky in I’m treated like a proper human being by men as they pass me over for skinny girls all the time. The rule is you can’t find love until you are skinny, that’s what I’ve learned from my experiences…and I’m not coming at this as if I look like Beyonce.

  • fluorescentplatypus

    Cece, I found your blog about a month ago and just wanted to thank youv for having the courage, wit and heart to do what you do. You inspire me every time I visit here (which ALWAYS ends up being way longer than I expect but that’s okay) and you give me hope. I’m 20 years old, but I wanna be you when I grow up! xoxo

  • Guest

    I have a huge crush over a super hot guy but he just seemed not into me. He doesn’t like plus size women. :( i cant even look at the mirror now.

    • thebiggirlblog

      Don’t let his opinion of you change your opinion of yourself… I’m looking at your avi photo… you’re adorable!

  • Jessa

    Nope never dated in general actually. I think the plus size thing for you helps because you’re white. Sorry but try being a black woman and plus size.

  • Lukey Dee

    Beauty is what you make it, like art it is subjective and everyone has their independant idea of what it is. Society’s idea of what beauty is is a commercially generated lie. Be yourself, be confident, give love.