Texting & Dating: One Week Rule

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Are any of you watching Tough Love: Miami on VH1? Last week Steve, the matchmaker/dating coach, did an exercise on texting with the “hopelessly single” women he works with. I’m not a huge fan of texting unless I know the person really well, in my experience too much gets lost in translation and so I try to avoid it at all costs. For some reason guys LOVE to text so this week I thought we could talk about some of the things guys do via text that’s just ridiculous. Ready? Lets begin!

Stewart was a guy that I met at a party through friends. He was new to New York and we hit it off dancing at a party. He was a perfect gentleman and was kind of shy about asking for my number, which was adorable. We met on a Saturday and on Sunday Stewart sent me a text to say hello. We texted back and for for the duration of the day and Sunday evening he called me and we spoke for about 10 minutes.

Monday morning, he sent me a text Good morning, hope you have a good day at work.

Monday afternoon he sent me another text Hi, hows your day going?

I responded to his text messages while I was at work, but as the week went on, a pattern formed. Stewart text me to check on me in the morning, afternoon and evening. But the text conversations never went anywhere. Other than “fine” and “thanks, you too” I was running out of ways to respond to him. Did he think we were getting to know each other? If he did, he was sadly mistaken.

I decided to give him 7 days to make plans to see me again, if he didn’t I would assume he was looking for a pen pal or something.

Friday night, he called me and asked what I was doing that weekend, “I don’t have any plans,” I told him.

“Me either, I’m just here at the house,” he replied.

“Cool,” I held my breath waiting for him to suggest that we do “nothing” together.

“Alright well, I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.

…and that was it.

He continued to text me morning/noon/night for the next few days but I just stopped responding. In the past I may have pestered him about making plans, but I just felt the whole thing was silly.

Why do guys try to maintain relationships purely via text? I’ve read that it’s a way to keep girls on the back-burner “just in case”.

Whatever the reason, after 7 days of texting I just give up!

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  • hipshimmy

    I have a guy who acts similarly. He sends flirty texts sporadically throughout the week, but when I try and nail him down with specific date plans he goes MIA. I’ve called him out on it and his reply was “Cos it keeps you wanting more”. When I then asked him why he wanted me to want him more he went silent again. Clearly I’m just his “just in case” girl. I have better things to do though :)

  • AbbyEmme

    I just heard from a guy that I casually dated for a while back in March. I ended things with him rather hastily and I have regretted it for a while now, so I was actually happy when I heard from him last Wednesday. BUT, he is trying to reconcile via text, which is incredibly frustrating! He even texted “so, can we try things again because I would marry you” …pretty deep for a text! I just keep saying “I hope we can have this conversation in person soon” but he keeps it going! He does work A LOT but that is really no excuse. So, I’m doing the same thing – if by this Wednesday, (the 1 week mark) we still have not seen each other face to face…something is wrong and I’m jumping ship!
    Ps. I’m a fairly new reader and I love your posts!!

  • crown

    Texting is fine as long as there’s some dating involved. We have to remember that alot of guys hate to talk on the phone. It’s not their fault, it’s just the way some of them are wired. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he’d text me all the time, but wouldn’t have any to say if I called him. We’d make plans and see each other weekly, but I couldn’t get much out of him from calling. I say if I guy prefers to text to keep in contact with you but he’s steady taking you out, it’s alright.

  • http://www.socialitedreams.com vonnie
  • Deloris

    I like the info given about the 7 day text rule. I am in the same situation with the father of my oldest child he wants a relationship but is in another state he texts all the time which is ok but I now want more and continue to ask him to come to me, but I get the run around and now I am getting bored and am starting to move away I will have to redirect my feelings on the text issue and demand he make the moves needed to be a family or he is outta here.

  • Spinsterlicious

    I always think guys who do this are making a sloppy attempt to feign a relationship…just in case they ” need” you at some point. I think your 7-day rule is a smart one.
    -The Spinsterlicious Life

  • http://zombieloveaffair.blogspot.com Danielle

    Guys get weird on text, like all the emoticons really creep me out and the guys that use them, use them A LOT!! I don’t need a freaking wink after every sentence you creep! They are too lazy to call you. I don’t have an issue with text if I am dating someone, especially if we are both working and its just broken back and forth texts when we have time, but I require real communication.

  • http://www.alltheweigh.com Kenlie

    So..I’m kind of dating a younger guy now, and he sends text messages. He lives about 2 hours away, but he has driven to my house see me a couple of times and also met me in the middle for lunch and a trip to the museum, etc which makes me think he is actually interested.
    When we’re together, the conversations and activities are amazing…but I wish he called more often. He said today (over IM) that he’d call me and that I could call him anytime because he’d answer, etc. And I told him straight up that I like attention. (No, I’m not kidding.) And he was pretty receptive and called a few hours later when he was home.
    It’s too early to know what will happen here, but I don’t mind texts as long as we keep seeing each other in person and talking on the phone from time to time too. If he texted or IM-ed without any talk of seeing me or calling me, I’d be bothered by it too.

    I should be sleeping now so I don’t have giant bags under my eyes when I see him tomorrow. Le sigh……….

  • http://onecrazyasiangirl.blogspot.com OneCrazyAsian

    I think it’s an age thing. I dated younger guys (20-29) and they seem to hate to talk on the phone and have full on conversations via text. Even my guy friends. The older (31 +) seem apt to text very little, get frustrated with conversation text and just call, regardless of attitude toward texting. Even the guy friends there too.

    But if I was seriously wanting to date a guy, I like this 7 day rule. :)

  • http://twitter.com/RenegadeChicks Renegade Chicks

    Guys shouldn’t only communicate through texting! So stupid! We came up with some rules for guys too! What do you think of them? http://renegadechicks.com/tried-and-true-tips-for-texting-as-a-tool/

  • Martins Paeglis

    Great advice we came up with some ideas for texting if you have problems
    http://gotextgirl.com/texting-with-girls-and-boys/

  • thecurvydigest

    I am sooo implementing this 7 day rule. I have been talking with a guy I met online about 3 weeks ago, he has canceled our first meeting 3 times now, all for seemingly legitimate reasons. He only contacts me via text and its usually the hey how’s your day going thing. I asked him to call me to discuss our meeting plans and he texted me after he was supposed to call saying he got held up at work. Then never rescheduled a day to call me and hasn’t brought up the phone since. I’m thinking of blocking him and keeping it moving. I don’t have time for this foolishness. I already told him I’m not meeting him without hearing his voice.