Pretty Girl Rock

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When I got off of the subway last night, I was ravenous! Happy Hour with Robert and some of our coworkers had turned into a late night of debauchery.

I didn’t feel like cooking, so I popped into a restaurant near my apartment. The dining room was empty, but the bar where I needed to place my take-out order was packed.

I told the bartender what I wanted and as I waited for my food I noticed that the bar was swarming with older men. Not super old, but too old to be slumming it at a restaurant bar on a Wednesday night. To top it off, they seemed to be under the impression that they were “doing it big” because one older man kept yelling “we’re shutting this place DOWN tonight!”

*blank stare*

Anyway, after a few minutes one of the older men approached me and introduced himself as Mike.

“You are the sexiest thang in here…” he whispered, leaning in close.

“Nice and thick…” he looked me up and down.

“They don’t make girls like you anymore…” He licked his lips.

I smiled politely, but said nothing. I could see his wheels turning trying to figure out what approach would stir my interest. He took a deep breath, “you know I love to see a girl like you looking so good because the media would have you believe that a thick-miss like yourself aint pretty.”

Was he REALLY trying to get “deep” on me?! I craned my neck looking for my food order, but the bartender was tied up with other things.

“I feel pretty,” I said flatly.

He paused, taken aback. “Oh, okay. That’s good.” I felt like I had disappointed him. I guess I was supposed to give a sob story about how Beyonce’s body makes me feel bad about myself.

Once I stated that I had a little bit of confidence, Mike had nothing more to say. Before I knew it he was back with his friends.

Everyone has their views on what it must be like to be fat and this isn’t the first time that someone has projected their view on me. People come ready to encourage me and lift my spirits all the time, little do they know– I feel good about myself!

The assumption that weight and low self esteem go hand-in-hand is not always correct. Of course I have my moments of frustration with my body, but I spend most of the day happily focused on other things.

It cracks me up that when Mike found out I thought I was pretty, he walked away. Mike assumed a big girl like me would be so happy for his attention that I’d make an easy conquest, but… He was wrong!

I hate it when people make assumptions… Don’t you?

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  • http://becca-christensen.blogspot.com Becca

    I know exactly what you mean!

    I was playing cards with a group of guys last night. One of my PSP friends is getting married this weekend and one guy says to me with a big, fat grin on his face ‘So, are you going to get her lingerie?’. I responded ‘Actually, I probably will’. To which he proceeded to ask why anyone plus size would WANT lingerie. I responded, ‘Do you also wonder why anyone would want to see plus sized women naked? Or marry them?’. Some people….

    I love that you’re proud of your body and that you work hard to keep it healthy and to get the results YOU want – not the ones other people want for us.

    Love,
    B

    • TheBigGirlBlog

      @ Becca: That’s so awful… Plus Size Girls have boobies, hips etc. we should DEFINITELY be rocking lingerie we’ve got the goods to fill it up haha :-)

  • http://womenarefrommars.wordpress.com/ NikkiB

    Bravo! Great post! Ugh. Awesome how ol’ Mike thought he was telling you something you didn’t already know, and that you’d be oh so flattered by his attention. Doesn’t he have some things to learn.

    • TheBigGirlBlog

      @NikkiB: Thanks girl, sometimes we have to remember that we’re awesome… he caught me on a good day! ;-)

      xoxo

  • Ruthi K.

    I truly wish that I had the level of confidence that you have! There are a lot of days that I just truly hate myself because of my size. Love your blog, btw. It has been truly wonderful to read!

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @ Ruthi K. Trust me, I understand… I don’t think confidence is something that can be taught, but sometimes when I’m feeling low I just have to get over myself. The world is waiting, ya know?

    xoxo

  • http://fatfatalefashion.blogspot.com Ariana

    Get it girl. Like you need to be thankful some guy tells you you look good? Please!

  • http://sadestartingover.blogspot.com http://sadestartingover.blogspot.com/

    Yes. People think that you are unhappy with yourself. If you feel you are pretty on the inside and live your life that way, its almost shocking when someone projects that on you because.. well.. you feel good about yourself so you FORGET that some other’s dont share your same view of you. It’s startling. But then you go back to being sexy and pretty and you forget about it all over again (thank god) lol.

  • Vanessa

    I know exactly what you mean. I’m 20, and I’ve had guys trying to get with me specifically because I’m big, which isn’t better than guys hitting on thin girls specifically because of their body. I’m self-confident and I don’t NEED a man, not in that low self-esteem kind of way lol. It took me awhile though to really build my self-esteem.
    I live in a big city, and a lot of men approach me daily. And whenever they tell me I’m pretty, and INSIST I am, AND try to get my attention by telling me so, I get colder. Nothing’s in it for me: I feel pretty.
    However, if a man approaches me and start a nice conversation without ever really bringing up or insisting on his physical attraction, I’m a lot more interested in him. I’m interested in what he has to say, who he is, not in him trying to get me to be thankful for boosting my self-esteem!

  • Carolina

    It’s funny how people make the same assumptions all over the world… I live all the way on the other side of the Atlantic and it’s the same. People think Big Girls are sad, with low self esteem and ignorant. The funny thing is, Big Girls usually are much more fun than other women simply because we DO love ourselves, and we DO have confidence! And it’s much harder to get that when you don’t have the stereotyped kind of body, it’s true, but that’s why our confidence is bigger!

  • LoveLiveNiecey

    This Post Has TRULY Lifted My Day. Like I Totally Understand Where You Are Coming From. People Truly Believe Because You Are Plus Size That Your Ego & Self Confidence Isn’t high. Little Did They Know I Think Our Self Confidence Is More There Then The Skinny Girls Are. Most Of My Friends Are Skinny & I Hear Them Complain DAILY About Their Body & This & That. I Just Look At Them Roll My Eyes & Tell Them To STFU!!! I admit we go through our down moments but don’t think it is a weight thing its an FEMALE thing. Many People Have Told Me The 1st Vibe They Get From Me Is Im conceited & I believe they tell me that because it is something new to see a PLUS SIZE PRINCESS so confident in her self. So I must think Im all that. BTW the worst comment I have ever received from male & female is “YOU HAVE A PRETTY FACE FOR A BIG GIRL” -____- *blank stare* so cause I’m big I’m suppose to be an UGLY SLOB!!! I swear people in their stereotypes.

    Thank you for this posted it allowed me to VENT my FRUSTRATION With Society.

  • Effie2too

    @Ruthi K – I’m with you – I’m a lot older than most of you I’m guessing, and have struggled with the self-esteem/self-confidence bit my entire life (what a waste I realize now). I do have moments of sheer joy though, along with a husband who was heaven sent for sure!!! I remember a guy I once worked with saying he really liked sleeping with big women because “they’re so grateful”. I could only offer a blank stare and say “eeewww – go away”!

  • Ruthi K.

    @Effie2too, I’m 27, almost 28, and I have been overweight my entire life. About three months ago I found out that I have a severely underactive thyroid, which explains alot, lol. But these past three months have been torture. I work out 4 days a week and, I’m really ashamed to say this, I’ve been basically starving myself, and when I went back to the doctor today, I had gained three pounds! I broke down crying. I’m not one of those body-hating women, but I would like to be able to wear the clothes I truly love without wondering if my “back boobs” are showing too much, lol. One day I know that I will be truly happy with myself, I just hope that my own daughter never has to face the same looks of pity that I receive in public. You guys are my heroes!

  • Len

    i love that you have the words that i can’t ever seem to muster up…. you’re like the carrie bradshaw for big girls. =) sorry if that sounds corny, but seriously… i wish i were able to articulate my dating experiences as well as you do. and they’re so similar that i’m so glad to finally be able to put words to them. thanks!!

  • http://rebkas.blogspot.com/ Kas

    I struggle with myself sometimes as well… I was forutnate to find and marry a man that prefers ‘curvy’ women and he loves me for who I am. HOWEVER, before him, it was hard to be confident in a world where size 4 is considered ‘average’.

    I love that CeCe is confident and self assured and I wish that I could be as well. THAT’S what makes people attractive to me- not the physical part so much.

  • Leah

    Well done. Wish I could have seen the look on that guy’s face.
    That approach is used on women of all sizes, and I hate the implication that all we need is an appeal to vanity.
    I’ve watched men approach tall, thin, model types and they ‘neg’ em instead of praising them, in the hopes that this TOTALLY BIZARRE lack of adoration will intrigue the woman. Sometimes it even works. Meat market psychology is disturbing.

    I like your blog!

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