I can’t remember how I discovered “Ruby”, a television show about a 700 pound woman who has whittled herself down to the 350 pound range (I don’t know about you, but that puts my weight loss goals into perspective!). Anyway, I’ve watched the show pretty regularly since last year and I love it for many reasons including the fact that at 700 pounds Ruby was beautiful. I also loved that she had a long term boyfriend (Denny) when she was REALLY BIG.
I was chatting online with one TBGB reader last week about Ruby and she was wondering why Ruby can’t seem to move on from Denny even though their relationship seems to be pretty toxic. Ruby will say in one episode that she doesn’t think marriage is for her but in the next episode, she’s asking Denny if he thinks they have a future (i.e. marriage). Although she never says it, from what I can see, Ruby thinks that Denny is the only man that would ever marry her. If Ruby thinks anything like me, she probably figures that if Denny found a way to accept her at 700 pounds, loving her at 200-300 pounds shouldn’t be a problem. And that’s enough to erase all the reasons that Denny is bad for her.
As Plus Size Princesses, how many of us indulge relationships that are bad for us in fear that we won’t find anything else?
How many of us settle because we assume we can’t do better?
I know I’ve done it. The first time I fell in love, I knew the guy wasn’t someone that could make me happy in the long run. This guy had some major issues, but I loved him… because he “loved” me. I can remember laying awake at night listening to him describe our future together on the phone. He would paint these pictures of our life together, our kids and how happy we’d be and while it all sounded lovely, something inside of me knew that his issues weren’t going away and I could never deal with them for the rest of my life. I wanted (and deserved) more but I was scared that, at my size, I wouldn’t find “more”, so I stuck around. Oddly enough, in the end, he broke things off with me.
Of course as a PSP, dating is different. A lot of us live in fear that we wont find Mr. Right and get married, but there are plenty of skinny women don’t find Mr. Right either. But you can’t score points if you never get on the field.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Ruby feeling like she might not find the love, that’s a real and normal feeling at any size. My issue is that she’s only giving herself two options: A toxic relationship with Denny or Being alone forever.
We can’t continue to attach ourselves to men that are bad for us out of fear.
After my Mr. Wrong let me go, I was terrified. I felt exposed and alone, but soon enough I started to date and if you read this blog, you know I’ve dated lots of guys. Some were amazing and others were nuts, but I dated.
I put myself out there and I didn’t wait to lose weight before I did it. As the saying goes, “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”. So, if you kiss a frog and he doesn’t turn out to be your prince, let him go so you can go kiss some more!