Do You Watch “Ruby” on The Style Network?

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I can’t remember how I discovered “Ruby”, a television show about a 700 pound woman who has whittled herself down to the 350 pound range (I don’t know about you, but that puts my weight loss goals into perspective!). Anyway, I’ve watched the show pretty regularly since last year and I love it for many reasons including the fact that at 700 pounds Ruby was beautiful. I also loved that she had a long term boyfriend (Denny) when she was REALLY BIG.

I was chatting online with one TBGB reader last week about Ruby and she was wondering why Ruby can’t seem to move on from Denny even though their relationship seems to be pretty toxic. Ruby will say in one episode that she doesn’t think marriage is for her but in the next episode, she’s asking Denny if he thinks they have a future (i.e. marriage). Although she never says it, from what I can see, Ruby thinks that Denny is the only man that would ever marry her. If Ruby thinks anything like me, she probably figures that if Denny found a way to accept her at 700 pounds, loving her at 200-300 pounds shouldn’t be a problem. And that’s enough to erase all the reasons that Denny is bad for her.

As Plus Size Princesses, how many of us indulge relationships that are bad for us in fear that we won’t find anything else?

How many of us settle because we assume we can’t do better?

I know I’ve done it. The first time I fell in love, I knew the guy wasn’t someone that could make me happy in the long run. This guy had some major issues, but I loved him… because he “loved” me. I can remember laying awake at night listening to him describe our future together on the phone. He would paint these pictures of our life together, our kids and how happy we’d be and while it all sounded lovely, something inside of me knew that his issues weren’t going away and I could never deal with them for the rest of my life. I wanted (and deserved) more but I was scared that, at my size, I wouldn’t find “more”, so I stuck around. Oddly enough, in the end, he broke things off with me.

Of course as a PSP, dating is different. A lot of us live in fear that we wont find Mr. Right and get married, but there are plenty of skinny women don’t find Mr. Right either. But you can’t score points if you never get on the field.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Ruby feeling like she might not find the love, that’s a real and normal feeling at any size. My issue is that she’s only giving herself two options: A toxic relationship with Denny or Being alone forever.

We can’t continue to attach ourselves to men that are bad for us out of fear.

After my Mr. Wrong let me go, I was terrified. I felt exposed and alone, but soon enough I started to date and if you read this blog, you know I’ve dated lots of guys. Some were amazing and others were nuts, but I dated.

I put myself out there and I didn’t wait to lose weight before I did it. As the saying goes, “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”. So, if you kiss a frog and he doesn’t turn out to be your prince, let him go so you can go kiss some more!

RIBBIT!

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  • http://www.metanotherfrog.com Skye Blue

    Love this! What Ruby is going through is what many women go through for various reasons. We all need to remember that we shouldn’t stay with someone who is bad for us, because of our fears of being alone.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • kiki

    this is just what i needed to hear this morning! *Deep sigh*

  • http://getrealweddings.wordpress.com/ Laura

    I don’t watch this show, but what you described does seem to be common with women at any size. I’ve been in the same situation at a young age and my best friend, who is very small, was in the same situation when she was in her early 20′s. But I can honestly say that both of us have learned from those experiences and have moved on. In my opinion, every relationship is a learning experience. You can’t dwell on the past, but you can look back on it and realize what mistakes you made and be careful not make them again.

  • http://thetaleofgoingnatural.blogspot.com Leslie@ The tale of going natural

    The Ruby situation makes me so sad. I really wish she could walk away from Denny. I have had that situation though, but I learned to walk away from it.

  • http://thetaleofgoingnatural.blogspot.com Leslie@ The tale of going natural

    i am watching an episode of Ruby now! yay!~

  • http://www.twitter.com/mikaboo1 Mika

    I love this blog!! I need to start watching that show! When does it come on?

  • http://skinnyemmie.com Emily

    I love Ruby, but her relationship with Denny is ridiculously toxic. That being said, I don’t think he’s as bad as people make him out to be – he’s been a good friend to her for over a decade – it’s hard to walk away from that.
    I do agree that she needs to open herself up to other possibilities, not just Denny or no one. She has a lot of other issues going on she’s trying to address, and at this point even thinking about a relationship is fruitless until she can fully address her past and then embrace her future.

  • http://21centuryrelationships.blogspot.com/ nathan

    I’m a fairly thin, athletic looking guy, but this:

    “The first time I fell in love, I knew the guy wasn’t someone that could make me happy in the long run. This guy had some major issues, but I loved him… because he “loved” me.” I have been there. More than once. Most of my 20′s was about being afraid to go after the women I actually wanted to date, and instead, taking up the interest of women who I didn’t really want to be with – but who wanted me. And some of them had major issues as well, but I overlooked that, again, because they wanted me.

    But wow, what a dead end, miserable path that is.

  • Erin

    I was very recently guilty of this same thing. I know he wasn’t the one or even close but he was better than being alone.. I hate the limitations we put on ourselves because of what we believe we deserve. Love Ruby! and love this blog!

  • http://www.justmewith.com Roxanne

    I’ve only seen parts of Ruby but I get what you’re saying. It’s ignoring that nagging feeling because the other person you’re in a relationship seems so sure and loves you. Many of us can state reasons why we think it might be harder to find someone — weight, age, kids, disability, and those things may contribute to the length of time it may take or the size of the pool of suitors, but it really shouldn’t be a choice between a bad choice or being alone forever. That is really sad.

  • Brittany

    I’ve only seen an episode or two of Ruby, but this post really struck a chord. My last serious relationship was EXACTLY what you describe here- I stayed around, got hurt repeatedly, and let him destroy the tiniest shred of self-confidence I had left. Three-plus years later, I’m STILL trying to rebuild myself. I almost cried to hear it put so eloquently. I’m a brand new reader but I’ll definitely be sticking around for more of your sage advice.

  • Yolanda Green

    Ruby’s show is inspirational. For me, settling for a toxic relationship stops me from having to start all over again with a new person. After being in a long term relationship with a best friend of 15 years. The dating scene isn’t for my; I’ll just go solo.