You Can’t Hide The Fat

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It was 6:00pm last Friday night and I stood dripping wet in front of my gym locker holding a gym towel 3/4 of the way around my body. I had an event to attend right after work. It wasn’t feasible to run home and “get pretty”, so I decided to pack a bag and get dressed at the gym across the street from my office.

As the women around me rushed to get ready for their workouts I was pulling clothes out of my locker with one hand while using the other to hold my teeny tiny gym towel up. Although I’m always bigger than the other girls at the gym, I’ve never had a problem being naked in the locker room. I can easily whisk my bra off and pull on a sports bra or peel off a dress in exchange for gym shorts and a t-shirt without a second thought. But as I prepared for my event, I felt completely uncomfortable.

Then it hit me; there’s a big difference between doing a quick change in public and getting dressed in public.

Getting dressed is more intimate. It involves more personal maintenance; applying lotions, creams, deodorants, powders etc. (and as a big girl with extra rolls nooks and crannies, I have to follow slightly different rules of hygiene to make sure I stay fresh like a daisy!)

I had a decision to make: I could either gather my things and go into the bathroom stall to get dressed in private, or I could move forward with my routine in public without apology.

The idea of laying my pretty clothes out near a toilet didn’t appeal to me and I didn’t have a lot of time before my event started, so I decided not to hide.

I stopped trying to cover my rolls with the teeny tiny gym towel because 1.) people probably had better things to do than stare at my naked body and 2.) If they did, its pretty clear that I’m a big girl and all the teeny tiny towels in the world wont change that.

So, I stood in front of my locker with my arsenal of lotions, creams, deodorants, tweezers, powders, etc. (yes, I’m high maintenance, don’t judge!) and I got ready in 40 minutes flat. As I left the gym feeling refreshed and ready for the night, I began to think.

How much time do I waste in life trying to hide my fat?

Especially in the summer. I’ve had too many summer mornings where I stand in front of the closet looking for an outfit that will hide my stomach, arms, inner thighs and keep me cool all at once. That outfit doesn’t exist! When I started showing my arms more last summer, it became way easier to get dressed in the mornings. I guess I started to realize that trying to hide something that is not going away is a little ridiculous of me.

As Plus Size Princesses we often spend so much time trying to hide our bodies. Some of us stuff ourselves into Spanx, some of us swim inside of baggy clothes… we all have different ways of hiding. But in the same way that a towel wouldn’t make my naked body any less fat, the things we do to hide our fat from the world don’t really work.

Of course, they make us feel better and foundation garments like Spanx create a smooth silhouette that I love. But even in the best girdle, I’m still a PSP. Even in the baggiest T-shirt, I’m still a PSP. I just think its important to put things in perspective. Maybe focus less on hiding the fat and more on making the fat look fabulous!

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  • http://www.coloredgirlsblogging.com Erika Jewel

    You know, I remember when you wrote the piece about finally deciding to show your arms…isn’t it liberating? I finally got that way (to a certain extent, lol) a few years ago and I remember my mother coming for a visit 2 years ago and being completely unapologetic. She visited in August, and in Maryland, it’s still hot as fish grease outside. We were going somewhere and I put on my favorite maxi dress and dolled up and grabbed my keys. She said “Aren’t you going to put on a shrug or something to cover your arms?” I was like “ARE YOU CRAZY!? It’s 123 degrees outside (I’m dramatic), I’m not about to have a heatstroke for anyone. If they are offended by my fatty arms, they can remain that way.” She looked at me shocked, then shrug her shoulders and off we went. LOL That was a very defining moment, so I can completely understand you. I can’t say that I’m all that comfortable in the gym locker room though, especially when coming from the pool. There is something about peeling off a wet swimsuit that I find utterly unappealing, though truthfully, I feel that way about slim people too, lol.

  • http://www.hawkeyegirl.blogspot.com Kelly

    Thank you! This is exactly the message I needed today, a reminder that I should embrace myself while still working on myself. Thanks again.

  • http://LiteralGemini.blogspot.com LiteralGemini

    I totally get your message. I think that is why I am more confident now as a PSP than I was when I was thinner. When I was thinner, I was always worried about looking fat, but now that I am “fat” I realize no amount of clothing, spanx or underwear is going to make me look thin, so it is what it is. Very nicely written and nice message. Although, like the person before me, I am still not comfortable walking around naked in front of people. I think that goes for slim people, I dont like them walking around naked in front of me… and by the way, what were you doing with tweezers??/

    Literagemini.blogspot.com

    • TheBigGirlBlog

      LOL @ LiteralGemini: I have PCOS (I’ve written about it before) excess hair is a symptom, so I don’t go out for the night without searching for stray hairs that may have popped up. Its annoying, but what are you going to do?! *shrugs* ;-)

  • http://www.rhapso-DY.com Rhapso_DY

    Cece, I love you! You find a way every time to make one little thought into a whole movement!

  • http://www.weartheshift.com Madge

    I love this piece so much and totally LOLed at the dilemma of trying to find an outfit that would hide my fat, make me look cute, and keep me cool all at once. A truly familiar dilemma!

    Thanks for the reminder that accepting and working with reality is both a better use of our time and KINDER than trying to hide.

  • http://singlemuchny.com Nicole

    Oh Cece, you always put it in such nicer words than I. LOVE this. I applaud you for just doing it out in the open. I’ve been insecure about it for so long that I probably would have opted for the toilet. :( I’m growing more and more confidant everyday so hopefully one day I’ll let it all hang out with no worries at all. :)
    As always, thanks for sharing. <3

  • http://www.brewingdaily.blogspot.com Katie

    This is an AWESOME post!!! I have worked for YEARS to embrace the fact that I am a big woman and that I shouldn’t hide that fact under baggy clothes.

    I too had to embrace my arms and be okay with showing them. And you know what, I get a ton of compliments since I have. Something about showing more skin, men tend to like! Lol!
    :-)

  • http://twitter.com/girltrueheart Lusty Sagittarian

    Reading this just after I’ve peeled off the spanx for the day. Oh yeah, this definitely hits the spot. Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.maurametolove.com Maura

    Fantastic post…Own that PSP body!

  • http://daysofturmoil.blogspot.com/ the Constantly Dramatic One

    I think this is one of the best posts you have ever written. I have been hiding myself in Spanx…but that shit works man =)

  • Kylee Jahnke

    Brilliant. Thank you so much, you have just saved my life!!I was really panicking because my client wants to check this live tomorrow. Spent AGES trying to work it out, really appreciate your post!Damien

  • http://twitter.com/unbubbleable GreyLadyBug

    I have always said that women dress for women more than for men. (in a traditional way I mean). Thank you for the post doll!

  • http://twitter.com/moesoto1967 Melissa Soto

    So true! All us PSP have an issue with food, but we can’t hide ours. Other people have addictions – alcoholics, smokers, etc. but they can hide their problems from the world. We have to carry ours around for the world to see. So – stop trying to hide it. Embrace it and be who you are with no apologies.

  • Ara

    I loved your blog!! I go through the same process every summer morning! Trying to create an outfit that I can still look cute in but hide my arms :/.. I’ve recently gave up trying to hide them. I wasted alot of time and energy looking for the perfect outfit.
    You made great points and Ill remember your post next time I wanna get dressed

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  • Rose

    I totally love the truth you speak. I i have sweat problem which I try and hide onto of the fat issue. Even shopping is a mission choosing something that hides the fat hides the sweat and looks good?? Who am I kidding….I feel like your blog opens eyes that we are all having the same issues we just don’t speak…thank you for your boldness.