Superficial Fat Chicks & Other Myths (A Big Girl Rant)

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Two things happened to me last week that bothered me, I mean really bothered me. I’m going to give you the two scenarios and then I’m going to try my best to explain why I was so annoyed:

Thursday: My girlfriend Kayla invited me to have drinks with a few girls from her grad school program. We met up at a hotel bar for happy hour and Kayla, who just moved to New York from California, was asking us about New York Men. As we all shared our thoughts on men in the city that never sleeps. Suddenly, one of her friends paused the conversation, “wait a minute… Kayla, what kind of guys are you attracted to?”

Kayla laughed, “well, that’s the problem! The guys that have been approaching me since I moved here are not my type!”

“What’s your type?” I asked.

“I really prefer a guy that’s kind of… round, like… chubby,” she took a breath “the guys in New York obviously spend a lot of time in the gym, which is great. But, I like a guy with love handles!”

“Oh,” her friend stammered, “that’s not at all what expected you to say! That’s weird… you like chubby guys even though you’re like HOT!” then her friend looked at me “I mean– not that hot people can’t be attracted to chubby people– but, I dont know that’s interesting!”

Fast Forward to Sunday: I was catching up on my DVR and lo and behold there was a plus size Millionairess on Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker named Robin. If you didn’t see the episode, you should watch it. Robin is pretty clueless which makes for the kind of train wreck episode that you can’t stop watching. I’m not going to recap the entire episode but in a nutshell, Robin is only interested in dating someone that is super attractive. Common interests? A good heart? those things are not important to her. She just wants someone who looks like Matthew Mcconaughey.

When the “Matchmaker”, Patti, heard that Robin ( who’s easily a size 24) wanted to date someone who looked like Matthew Mcconaughey her reaction was to focus on how “superficial” Robin was and then to ask what made Robin think that she “deserved” a Matthew Mcconaughey look-alike.

*deep sigh*

After these two incidents, my mind has been swirling with “Why’s”. I’m going to try to organize them here, hopefully I make sense, here goes:

  • Why can’t a Plus Size Princess “deserve” an attractive guy? I would love to know the equation to find out who “deserves” who as a mate. The word “deserves” implies that attractive people are worth more as human beings, which is absurd. People are soooo much more than their looks! I believe that I deserve a guy with a good heart, winning personality who cares about me and if that guy happens to look like a Calvin Klein model and I don’t, that doesn’t mean I deserve him any more/less than the next girl. If you end up watching the episode, you’ll see that the most attractive guy in the room was not a good person! So, no one really deserved to be with him.
  • Why is it that the minute a plus size girl expresses ANY kind of physical desires in her mate, she’s considered superficial or shallow? I know that being overweight is considered by many to be the ultimate human offense, but… when a woman gains weight she doesn’t have to gain an “I’ll take what I can get” mentality. We all have things that turn us on/off and that’s okay. I’ll tell you what Plus Size Princesses do “deserve”: PSP’s deserve to be in a relationship where there is MUTUAL ATTRACTION. A fat girl with preferences is not “picky”, “shallow” or “superficial”.
  • Why was the idea of my friend Kayla (who is gorgeous, with the perfect hour glass shape) liking a chubby guy so outrageous? She didn’t say she liked serial killers, she said she liked love handles! Give me a break.
  • Why is it that even though I have strong opinions about this stuff… I’m still surprised when hot guys flirt with me at the gym?

Thoughts???

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  • http://2manycupcakes.blogspot.com/ 2manycupcakes

    I love watching Millionaire Matchmaker and recently purchased Patti’s book as I thought it would be a good laugh. Two chapters in and I actually have found it quite soul destroying!! She basically says that men are not attracted to women who are overweight and that to attract a mate one must have long straight hair. She claims this is what men want- no ifs and and definitely no big butts! I put down the book after the second chapter and will probably never watch her show again.

  • http://themerrytraveller.blogspot.com The Merry Traveller

    Big girls, being bodily imperfect, is one heinous crime that the society cannot abide because we are walking physical reminders of our imperfection. Ever heard of “out of sight, out of mind”? Since big girls cannot be out of sight, therefore it stands to reason that we cannot be placed out of mind and we easily become the targets of ridicule.

  • Doll

    well its all in the stereotypes i guess

  • http://chubbyfeelings.tumblr.com Mari

    I’m a big girl who likes big boys, but apparently they just want skinny babes.
    I agree big people can deserve anyone they like, but I hate the fact that the big ones have some kind of prejudice against their equals.
    That’s, of course, here in Rio de Janeiro (Brazil), temple of hot bodies.
    The only place i find dates is in NYC, when i go once a year. That’s so annoying! Can you imagine? One, two dates per year?? And that’s in a good year!

    I’m really tired of all those things. Just want to settle down.

    (Sorry about the rant, i’m really frustated lately.)

    • TheBigGirlBlog

      @Mari: Gym guy is on the back burner as I figure out things with Robert <3 but he was super cute! Next time you come to NYC maybe I'll hook you up ;-)

  • http://chubbyfeelings.tumblr.com Mari

    Oh! Another thing! What happened to the gym guy? He sounded so cute… lol

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @2manycupcakes:

    Its funny because I just watched a wedding show where the bride was a size 30 with SUPER short hair, like basically bald. She was happy and on her way down the aisle… shows how much Patti knows lol

  • http://losplaceresculpables.blogspot.com/ Dante Vegas

    OMG! First, I want to say I saw that episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and was so disappointed because Robin was batshit crazy, but also Patti showed her straight up ignorance that episode.

    Second, I’m attracted to tall guys. I don’t have nothing against shorties but I’m 5’7, I have big hair, and if you add heels to that just aint no way it’s going to work boo.

    I will say I’ve had shallow moments, and I’m not perfect but I definitely don’t think my wants are ridiculous.

    Great Post Girl!

  • http://shesopinionated.com B.Good

    I watched this episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, and while Patti’s critique may have seemed a little “harsh”…she had a point. I agree that the word “deserve” is not appropriate. But Robin was being very superficial about her criteria, to the point where it just became ridiculous. She didn’t care about his heart, she only cared about his looks. She was willing to buy this guy’s affection. Sad, sad, sad.

    This girl was probably not the best example for your point, because she has more issues than just being “a big girl” with a preference.

    But just to be clear, I don’t think anyone deserves anything based off of looks alone.

  • American PSP in Germany

    I have had this same problem. I was sitting with friends chatting away about guys, when a skinny friend/acquaintance says, “I saw this big girl with a super hot guy yesterday. I don’t understand why all of the ugly girls get the hot guys.” I was so taken aback by her statement, I really couldn’t speak. When I got myself under control, I just casually asked…”Are you saying that all big girls are ugly because they are fat? And that I, being a big girl, am not allowed to date a guy because he is hot?” I know I am big, but I also know my mind and my wants. I should not have to settle because of my weight. Does that mean I might be single longer…maybe, maybe not. Here’s to hoping that all the amazing super hot guys fall for all of us amazing super hot PSPs!
    Oh and by the way…I am new to your blog and love it! I stayed in all day Sunday reading your archives! Great stuff!

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @B. Good:

    You’re right, she’s not the best example but I think you guys know what I’m getting at :-) in a twisted way those two might actually deserve eachother because they want superficial things like arm candy, Maserati’s and Ducati’s.
    :-(

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @ American PSP in Germany:

    First of all, welcome and thanks for reading!

    Secondly, wow! that must have been an awkward moment to say the least… kudos to you for speaking up, sometimes I find it hard to call people out in those situations. Unfortunately there are people who think fat & ugly are synonymous, but as PSP’s we know that’s not the case *flips hair* ;-) lol!

    xoxo

  • http://kemiade.magntize.com/ Kemi

    I think that stuff is so ingrained from us in childhood that pretty goes with pretty and the thought follows that basically bigger people should either be with other bigger people or “ugly” people…

    People have forgotten what really matters in a relationship, does he treat you right, are the both of you compatible, etc.. Those are the things that matter because beauty can fade, but character usually doesn’t..

    The only physical trait that I find myself sticking on is height. Like Dante Vegas said, I’m also 5′ 7 and I prefer to have a guy that is at least my height, he doesn’t even have to be taller than me..

  • http://songsoftherubaiyat.blogspot.com Bethany

    People are flipping ignorant. Racism, sexism, sizism – it all boils down to people’s own insecurities. What the American PSP in Germany’s acquaintance really meant was “Why can’t I get a hot guy?” People use the term “fat” to mean “less than” or “unworthy.” I’ll bet this “skinny” friend is either obsessed with not becoming fat or already thinks she’s fat.

    I’ve had the same thing – people make a negative a comment about fat people, then turn to me and say something like “But obviously YOU’RE not fat – you’re buxom/curvy/vulumptuous, and besides, you’re gorgeous!” No, I’m not “curvy” – I’m a size 22/24. Sure, I’m tall, but whichever way you swing it, that’s fat. But, yes, I am gorgeous and not IN SPITE of my size. Perhaps (dare I say it?) my large size contributes to my attractiveness.

    I think we need to make an effort to call these people out. It’s ignorant, it’s hurtful, and I’m a firm believer that when it comes to being uncomfortable, it’s an eye for an eye. If you say something that makes me squirm, I’ve got no problem throwing it right back at you. Way to go, American PSP!

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  • http://singlemuchny.com single much

    I saw that episode and hated Robin just as much as I hate Patti. This isn’t the Matchmakers first sizest offense. She has made many comments about ‘Plumty Dumty’s in the past. She always equates it to ‘not taking care of yourself’ too which is even more disgusting. Fat does NOT equal unhealthy!

    I couldn’t agree with you more Cece. I was squirming through that entire episode. I question whether Robin is for real or if this was an interesting PR move on her part. Patti on the other hand is totally real and her views are pretty sad. The thought that one deserves someone good looking because THEY are good looking is pretty ridiculous. However, it does annoy me when heavy people are sizest against other heavy people. It’s not a matter of deserving it’s just hypocritical.When large men are against dating larger girls I am sometimes furious about it. I’m like, ‘hello!’Shouldn’t you be someone that can relate??

    Further more. It is a serious problem in this country that we can’t hire someone based on race, sex or sexual orientation however we are allowed to NOT hire someone because they are fat. Why is it that we still accept this prejudice? I’m baffled by this.

  • http://twitter.com/girltrueheart Lusty Sagittarian

    I read your rant and I raise you a hug. ;-) And offer some additional brainfood for thought.

    At the risk of sounding like one of those constantly positive people you just want to smack sometimes, I am here to tell you that while those discriminations and stereotypes definitely exist (I suffered through them too!) and are incredibly painful, there – are – men out there who will like you “just as you are.” I’m a believer. One of them found me, and I am telling you there is a difference in how he thinks. Quite simply, he states, “You are so much more than just that one thing [fill in the blank with that thing that bothers you or someone discriminates against you for].”

    In other words, you are more than just your extra pounds. You are more than just your job. You are more than just the contents of your wallet (Thank you Fight Club). You are more than just the color of your skin. You are more than just your height, eye color, baldness, etc etc etc whatever perceived flaw or shortcoming or less than perfect part of you that society is implying you simply don’t measure up in – their – eyes. The moment you let that define who you are, you’re heading in the wrong direction for finding intimacy.

    It isn’t about settling. It is about acceptance. Of yourself. I know, very hard to accept yourself when you’ve never had anyone in your life who accepted you “just as you are.” But the work it takes to get there is a two-way street.

    In my opinion, the questions to ponder aren’t how do we get people to stop discriminating (they won’t) or how do we get people to broaden their minds and perspectives, preferences etc. We can’t. All you can do is live your life by example, live it to the fullest, and try to surround yourself with people of a like mindset. After all, you can lead a person to new knowledge, but only they can change their perspective.

  • http://www.knightramblings.blogspot.com Knight

    You have to stop hanging around ignorant people and watching ignorant people on ignorant shows. It’s a vicious cycle. A sane person doesn’t go to that unfortunate woman for real advice. We can only watch the show with the mindset of “what an interesting train wreck they all are”. You know like The Real Housewives or Jersey Shore.

  • KellzTheDiva

    I absolutely hate that people think Plus Sized Divas can’t be in a relationship with a man who is just “lick the bowl” fine. For instance, there is this guy who lives in my neighborhood. It never fails that we bump into each other. Is he attractive? Hell no. Not to mention that he dresses like a bum BUT tries to impress me every time by pulling out a [small] wad of cash. Oh and did I mention he has one eye. That alone creeps me out because he doesn’t wear a patch or anything but that’s besides the point. I tell my best friend, who’s a male, about this guy. My friend tell me, since I want companionship so bad I should just take what I’ve been getting. EXCUSE ME?! Is it because I’m 250+ pounds that I have to settle for the guy with run over gym shoes, hole filled clothing and one eye?! I think not. I don’t settle, never have, NEVER WILL! I’d rather invest in a 100 pack of batteries and buy a “rabbit” instead! LOVE the blog!

    http://tha-kspot.blogspot.com/

  • karla

    I was mad at Patti too but Robin was such a nutjob I just couldnt defend her. Now I definetly have an eyebrow raised at Patti like uh-huh Patti I got my eye on you. I also screamed at Patti give me fat over ugly any-day!!
    because Patti sure isn’t a looker herself.

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @Single Much:

    AUGH! The who “taking care of yourself” thing KILLS me… people say it all the time and its so ignorant.

    *sigh*

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @Lusty Sagittarian:

    *bows* I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!

    Your words are dead on… I usually share your mindset, but those incidents were too much for me for some reason. Thanks for putting things in perspective!

    xoxo

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @KellzTheDiva

    LOLOLOLOL @ 100 pack of batteries!

    xoxo

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @Karla:

    I know… Robin was a mess which made it hard to defend her, but yes Patti has a pretty narrow mindset.

    What makes me annoyed is that she has no problem setting up her awkward male clients with gorgeous models. That’s a double standard, but… whatever!

  • TheBigGirlBlog

    @Knight:

    I know… I know… :-/

  • http://thejenesaisquoi.blogspot.com/ Jeniese

    I am so glad you made this post! I wish how many timese I could count how many people have told me that I should like bigger guys and be grateful for any man who showed me attention! NO I SHOULDNT! We should be able to date whoever we want. And so should everyone! People are people.

    Although I thought Robin was a nut job I was appauled at the way Patty talked about her. The views of people and how they think us PSP should date annoy me on an everday basis!

  • whipdizzy

    I saw that episode and was mortified. Patti’s behavior wasn’t surprising to me in the least, she has said anti-fat things before. While I *completely* disagree with her views on fat meaning not taking care of yourself, I can see where she (as a business person) has to find what the client prefers with regard to the men who prefer thinner women. Most of those guys come in with a specific idea and preference in their heads and are not paying all that money to have their views on societal standards challenged (as much as we all would like that). That said, I think some of her comments regarding “deserving” to the female millionairess were WAY off base. I don’t think she would be asking an “ugly” make millionaire why he deserves a stereotypically beautiful woman. She will call the guys to task on behavior, but not so much on looks since it is almost a given that the money makes up for it where the men are concerned.

    However, I was more horrified at the behavior of Robin, the plus size client. Supposedly she was in PR and there is no way I would want that woman representing me in anything. I found her to be a horrible example of a successful plus size woman – face it, we get enough bad press without her awful behavior being another example of it. Her flirting was truly bad, I seriously think that one of those guys could have said “Oh, I’m a serial killer” and she was have giggled and said “I loooovvveee serial killers”. And then the wine through a straw and the hello kitty stuff – could she have been more infantalized by this process? I think those are things that should have been addressed more instead of harping on whether she “deserves” a hot guy! Robin definitely has some issues, but whether she deserves a good looking man is not one of them!

    What I would really like to see would be a successful and gorgeous plus size client who behaved like an adult and showed the world that women of all sizes can be successful and beautiful, inside and out and that there are men out there who respond to that. Even better than that would be to have a male client who prefers plus size women and not have him be treated like a freak or a fetishist. Pipe dreams, I know, but it would be nice to have more awesome portrayals of plus size women in the media!

    Also, I’m really sorry that friend at the bar said that kind of thing in front of you. It’s really sad to me when people have those sorts of opinions, but even worse when they let them out and offend someone else. Depending on the company, I’d have called her on it right then and there but I know there are times that would make everyone else uncomfortable. Hopefully you don’t have to be around her very often! What a shallow friend!

  • Chandra

    “Why can’t a Plus Size Princess “deserve” an attractive guy?”
    The issue is about entitlement, not size. Nobody “deserves” a certain type of mate. Patti was questioning Robin’s sense of entitlement, not her worth or value.

    “When the “Matchmaker”, Patti, heard that Robin ( who’s easily a size 24) wanted to date someone who looked like Matthew Mcconaughey ”

    Hmm..what’s with the judgment, CeCe? What do you mean she was “easily” a size 24? When people use that qualifier in that contesxt (“He was easily 250 pounds”) they’re typically making some kind of negative assessment. It sounds like even you think a plus size woman is out of her mind to think she can get a hot guy.

    “Why is it that the minute a plus size girl expresses ANY kind of physical desires in her mate, she’s considered superficial or shallow?”

    How is this any different than when slender people express the same desires? I don’t think this is an issue about size. I think it’s common for people who desire specific physical traits about a mate they’re accused of the same thing.

  • http://www.theTsaritsasez.com/ Alexandra the Tsaritsa

    I agree with Chandra^ that the Matchmaker was merely trying to understand where the Millionairess sense of entitlement came from.

    As for love handles, there’s nothing wrong with them! And the girl who made that comment about attractive people going for chubby people, then looked at you is a b-i-t-c-h. What the fuck, learn some manners!!

  • http://singlemuchny.com single much

    Cece, I’m now bowing to you for stirring up such an amazing conversation. Some great comments/opinions on here! Lusty Sagittarian as per usual has some fab incite. Basically you should have these rants more often. :) BTW how badly did you want to give Robin a make-up lesson? ugh.

  • juliette

    I can’t type fast enough to respond to everything I thought when reading this post! I saw that episode too and I cosign almost all of the comments, although I did wonder why a woman who is supposedly rich would be dressed so badly? It’s almost like they wanted to portray a crazy, badly dressed fat girl and then say “Isn’t it incredible that she thinks she should have a good looking guy?” Okay, I know that “reality” tv floats on portrayals of the lunatic fringe and tries to make us believe the stereotypes, but this was off the charts. I also saw the wedding show with the plus bride with the short hair and she did look beautiful. I also loved that most of the “bigger brides” on that show selected strapless or sphaghetti strapped dresses. And finally, I had a boyfriend for a number of years who was a personal trainer. He clearly appreciated the larger figure and spoke often of how many of his friends/colleagues were attracted to larger women but weren’t sure how to “deal” with those attractions. But it’s getting better, right?

  • http://www.gen321.wordpress.com gen321blog

    I don’t even know where to start! I will start with this; I too, have been guilty of feeling a little bit of surprise when guys who are super fit, express an interest in me. *shrug* Idk. I think you just expect that someone into fitness, would want to be with someone else who is into fitness. I am not surprised if he is a handsome man, because I think I am very pretty, but fit will throw me off. Secondly, I know many “regular” or “hot” women who love chubby or big men. Some consider them big teddy bears or whatever. *shrug again* Last, I don’t watch the matchmaker show but I am willing to bet, that if that had been an overweight man, she would not have asked him the same question.

  • http://zombieloveaffair.blogspot.com Danielle

    It sounds like thats what that friend honestly believes. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised that if you settled down before her, she would be a bitter hater. It doesn’t seem like your friends with her, so thats a good thing.

    What pisses me off about people like that is they lump you into one stereotype, for every person who is overweight. Like my dinner constantly consists of Big Macs and supersized french fries. Maybe you should read my book instead of judge my cover.

    Seriously, with people like that I just want to ask them how life is over in Perfectville.

  • http://www.curvaliciousdva.blogspot.com Amanda

    Well I think we definitely deserve a great guy and yes we can have standards! Sheesh, the fact that people think PSPs should take what they can get makes me sick… my boyfriend is HOTT and I’m not saying that because he’s my boyfriend… he is by almost any standard exotic, sexy, and hott! And he likes curvy girls… Sadly he does have to take a bit of crap for it because it isn’t as socially acceptable to like a girl with love handles but he’s man enough to go with what he wants and not with what “society” says he should… You have every right to feel the way you do! Its time the world stopped treating us as worthless just because we are curvy… It’s disgusting and we know better

  • Piper

    I just recently discovered your blog and I love it! As a size 24 PSP, I find your articles refreshing! You’ve given me newfound confidence. R U going to post any pics of yourself? I would love to see the face behind the blog.

  • nichola

    People who go for people based purely on looks will ultimately be let down. Looks fade, and certainly don’t make you laugh or keep you warm at night. If your hot body boyf had an accident which left them ‘disfigured’ would you love them any less? Don’t get me wrong I have crushes on hot guys all the time, celebrities usually, but even then they have to be MORE then just a pretty face. Just like going after someone with money, when the money goes, does the love follow it? It’s about connection and compatibility, and EVERYONE ‘deserves’ to go after someone to share those things with. With hard work those things will last. Looks and money are tenuous at best x

  • DLovely

    Ahhh…finally! I’ve been waiting for a post like this to get my brain a-churnin’! First of all, I am plus-sized. (22/24 to be specific) I work in the healthcare field where most women are petite and starving themselves to be thinner. And what have I noticed about all of these beautiful, intelligent yet insecure women? THEY ALL HAVE BOYFRIENDS/FIANCE’S/HUSBANDS. My best friend is a size 6. She is my fiercest cheerleader in the self-esteem category but when her (chubby) boyfriend comments on slight weight gain she practically starves herself to be “thinner”! WTF?! Maybe our rage should not be with other women. We females (PSP, thin, curvy, etc.) are competing for MEN! They put insecurities into our heads that we are not beautiful when they blatantly admire other women in our presence. We allow them to point out our physical shortcomings without repercussion. (Imagine telling your man he has a small you-know-what when he tells you to lose 10 pounds) By killing ourselves to look differently, we’re telling them that the grass is greener on the other side. We ALL need to put men in their place, no matter what size you are. I’m a PSP and I demand that a man pay for the first date, act gentlemanly and talk to me with respect because above all else, I am a LADY. I firmly believe that if all women banded together with this mentality, then all men will begin to see women for the beautiful creatures we are…not just body types! And vice versa for shallow females!

  • http://www.themarathonsmistress.blogspot.com Toddy

    My new boyfriend has been going to the gym every day for 3 years and is in great shape. Meanwhile, due to illnesses and weight gaining medication all last year I am at least 30 pounds overweight and totally out of shape. But we really just belong together. We understand each other. Like each other. Belong together. Maybe he’ll encourage me to get healthy. And I want that for myself too. But I honestly believe he sees me for all that I am, not just a number on a scale and would stay with me even if that number didn’t budge. Cheers, T.

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  • Jane

    I loved your article and think you had great points. First of all, Robin is not superficial at all. The show creates a character they want people to see. Robin is a smart girl who dates intelligent guys with advanced degrees. Her ex graduated from Cornell and Columbia and was a big firm lawyer. They just made her look superficial though editing. Also, it is offensive to say that just because a girl is plus sized that she deserves a 5 instead of a 10. What are we? Second class citizens? Ugly? Deformed? Of course not. Plus size girls like Robin are gorgeous, accomplished, fun, sweet and are deserving of love. Just because the show made her out to be superficial for the storyline doesn’t mean she is. Also, the message is totally backwards to other plus size glamor girls. Robin has a lot to offer a guy. She is gorgeous and fun and smart and owns her own business and her own apartment. She has a lot to offer a guy and she takes care of herself just fine. And to think that some guys ::GASP:: actually prefer women with curves is shocking? Give me a break. Guys love girls with hips and curves. The archetype of fashion models who have starved men’s bodies with zero hips and curves is created by the fashion industry and is not attractive to most red blooded American men. I dislike the message this show sends to plus size girls because, in real life, Robin is quite a catch and deserves a great guy, as do all of you plus size princesses!

  • Jane

    P.S. To the writer of this blog, don’t be surprised when the hot guy at the gym looks at you. I get catcalled all the time. You are gorgeous regardless of a dress size and if you radiate confidence and beauty, guys pick up on that!!

  • http://molivinlarge.typepad.com/molivinlarge/ Monique

    Absolutely love this post. I am so glad to know that I’m not the only one who’s still slightly insecure when a good looking guy approaches me. But it also annoys me to no end when I see a cute “chubby” guy who’s only interested in skinny chicks. Direct quote on one guy’s dating profile was, “Size 2, 4, 6 and 8; those are sizes I appreciate (no BBWs need respond).” Now this man was definitely a big guy with a paunch on him. Seriously?!?! If you don’t want to date “fat chicks”, what on earth makes you think “skinny chicks” want to date you?

    As annoying as Patti can be, some of her advice is fairly straightforward. But the numero uno thing that bothers me: Millionaire Matchmaker services are free. REALLY!?!?!?! You’re offering your services to MILLIONAIRES for free? That, and she gives free reign to her criticism of others but apparently has yet to look in the mirror at some of the things she walks out of the house in.

  • http://nessalovesmakeup.com Vanessa

    Oh. I am so annoyed with those two scenarios! It is frustrating that people assume that PSP’s can’t be picky; I’ve heard comments like that too. I’m a size 16 and I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want now :-)

  • http://every-and-any.blogspot.com/ Sophie

    I’m a small girl whose always been a size 0, but I’ve never been attracted to a particular size or shape when it comes to guys! It’s just all about chemistry for me and sometimes that may be with a guy who has Ryan Reynolds’ abs or it could be just a short guy with an average physique.

    I can somewhat understand where Patti is coming from though. I remember in another episode, the millionaire was a guy who was overweight and he ONLY wanted to date small girls with fit bodies. Patti said to that, “Well you might have to kind of compromise on that because you don’t even take care of your own body and a fit girl will want to date a fit guy who also likes staying in shape, exercising, etc.”

  • Grace

    Patti seems to project many of her own issues onto the women she sets up on the show. She’s revealed that she’s struggled with her weight and body image, and each time she spews such viciousness toward heavier women, I can’t help but wonder if that’s the kind of stuff she tells herself. She’s also been quoted as saying she can’t help women over 45–guess who turns 50 this year? I know it’s a cliche thing to say, but I chalk it up to insecurity on her part.

    This is a great conversation you’ve started!

  • Desi

    “Why is it that even though I have strong opinions about this stuff… I’m still surprised when hot guys flirt with me at the gym?”

    It’s because you have (we all have) heard those sterotypes all our lives so whether we agree with them or not our subconscious starts to believe them :-(

  • Bundle _o_Roses

    Some men just like heavier women! why can’t some of these thin women get that through their thick skulls. I’m a size 16 and in a relationship with a real cool fit brother. He loves my body, he even told me once that I was teh first plus size female he ever dated. He says he ws always scared to date a pretty plump girl because it was socially unacceptable. he broke the mold, and he loves it! I have proven everyone wrong my entire 28 years of being on this earth. I have made my own path in life by proving everyone wrong that crossed my path.Why so many thin women single? they many attract more men, but most seem to stay single! LOVE DOESNT HAVE A SIZE!

  • http://girlslashwoman.wordpress.com G/W

    I completely understand why you’re annoyed. I’m freaking annoyed too and here’s why
    Why can’t a Plus Size Princess “deserve” an attractive guy?
    - PSP’s do deserve attractive guys but only if they’re GOOD PEOPLE. For some reason, society is perfectly okay with bitchy pretty girls and old rich guys but they can’t stand nice pretty PSPs with hot men! I think it’s their own prejudices and fears. Women work hard on their bodies and are convinced that if they’re attractive enough, someone amazing will love them. However, if that amazing guy falls for someone with a bigger body, this kills their theory and all their hard work… so they’ll just reject it.
    Why is it that the minute a plus size girl expresses ANY kind of physical desires in her mate, she’s considered superficial or shallow?
    - People are idiots. Why is it okay for plus size men to express interest in a Jessica Alba-types? It’s just plain sexism at work here. Women are now being undermined on a totally different level. We’re pitched against each other in the battle for mates and we’re told that we’re always substandard and that we should go for what we can get. I used to be really picky- I still am. But apparently, it’s only now that I’ve lost 60 lbs when I’m allowed to be picky. I mean, WTF!
    Why was the idea of my friend Kayla (who is gorgeous, with the perfect hour glass shape) liking a chubby guy so outrageous?
    - Try replacing Kayla with Kyle, a six pack and a preference for chubby girls and -then- watch the hair fly.
    Why is it that even though I have strong opinions about this stuff… I’m still surprised when hot guys flirt with me at the gym?
    - Because billboards, TV, magazines… they’re all telling you differently. You can try holding your convictions because you’re sure you’re right but will you really eat an apple if the whole world is telling you, it’s poisoned? Probably not.

    This is something that continually pisses me off. I used to blog about it when I was bigger but I never really went crazy because I blamed myself and my weight. It’s only now that I’m small when I’ve realized the torture I was put through and that women are still put through if they don’t fit into this crazy ideal of what “looks good”. Now, I’m a freaking fat-loving fanatic… which is sad because I feel like it’s only when I lost the weight when I could regain my voice. People will only take me seriously now that I’m skinny. Before, if I ever tried criticizing the media, I’d get those “oh well you’re just saying that because you’re fat” looks. I’m so mad about it and I’m glad you guys are too!

  • Alex

    I totally understand this! I have an adorable and wonderful boyfriend and whenever we go out in public I feel a horrible feeling as if people are saying why is HE with HER. My boyfriend has expressed that he thinks I’m beautiful from the day we met (and that he is into “curvy” girls, what he really means is that he does not like skinny minnies), even though he is so reassuring I feel like people judge us, and that I have to be on guard all the time. Ugh. It’s horrible!
    (And as for as someone saying something about this Patti lady thinking guys only like straight hair, that makes me sick! I have amazingly curly hair that won’t be straight for the toughest straight iron and it is beautiful.)

  • http://Pjpunky.blogspot.com Punky

    Isn’t it ironic that we all have our own preferences and “types” yet when someone else tells us their preferences all of a sudden they’re shallow for not being interested in dating EVERYONE!

    I think we’re all allowed to be shallow in some level. You’ve got to know what you want.

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  • Chubby Chaser

    Dont be surprised. You big gals are looked down upon by alot of men, but in my case, I love big flabby women, Ive been conditioned to seek them out and fall madly in love with them. Skinny girls do nothing for me emotionally or physically http://generationexpatblog.com/2011/08/01/confessions-of-a-chubby-chaser-in-china/

  • Anna knight

    i`v seen a lot of plus size girls going out with hot guys like super hot and i wonder how they get them, i mean do they come in a paket once a months cos i seem not fine a guy that wants me. i mean they flirt with me but thats it it never gos anywhere after that. but my days r changing im in college and now theres this boy he dose sports and bes really buff you wouldnt even think hes 17. anyway me and him started talking on facebook and he started flirting with me but i didnt flirt back, then out the blue he tells me he loves me i thought it was a joke at first so i said it back to him. so we talked and talked and i dont know whats happening, im shocked because he asked me out i said yes but we havent gone on our date yes. cos i just injured my knee really bad. hes being such a sweet heart on and of facebook. i mean should i believe this guy is this all really. i never had a boyfriend before could he be my first or is he just playing with my mind. what should do, should i suck it up and just go for it and if i get hurt broken i`ll always have ben & jerry haha. please some one tell me what to do. im a plus size girl and im coming in to the world of dating thanks xx

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  • Moser Grey

    Hot guys flirt with large ladies for one reason: easy sex. I’m not exaggerating, it’s the guy talk that goes on when the gals are not present. Hot guys believe large gals would be more willing to drop their panties due to their sheer joy that a dude with rock hard abs want them, when all the really want is a wet hole (sorry for being vulgar, trying to get my point across. Of course the large ladies believe they can change the dude, but yeah… not going to work. Once they had their fun, the fit dude is outta there and the large lady gets all bitter and all men are pigs, blah, blah, when all it really is? She has piss poor taste in men.

    Furthermore, what do you mean by a “I’ll take what I can get” mentality? Oh, you’re large but you expect someone who takes care of themselves and are fit to look past the flab, but you’re not willing to do the same with large guys? Maybe that’s the reason you’re single? Ya?

    • Anonymous

      I’ve posted about guys who think like you. We all know you’re out there but… thanks for reminding us!!!
      I’m not single. My boyfriend is hot. Our relationship is not about sex. *shrugs* Thanks for reading!

  • Erik

    Great discussion here. OK, I am married to a wonderful woman with curves. Even before I met her, I gravitated towards women with a little something extra. Skinny girls with no curves or those with insanely disproportionate boob jobs are not for me. Also, I have always liked nice legs, especially thighs that are tanned and have some meat on them. I am not talking about chunks of cellulite; I am talking about a healthy woman’s body. My wife has an amazing body, but she is not what Cosmo or those women’s mags would consider the ideal female body. But for me, my wife IS my ideal. It’s unfortunate to read articles where someone in the media has some ridiculous comment about someone else’s body. They have no idea that some poor girl in high school in Anywhere, USA just read that and may be struggling with body image and then resorts to an unhealthy way of trying to lose weight.

    In case anyone is wondering what kind of guy is attracted to a woman with curves, I am 6’4″, about 250, and in good shape. I should get to the gym more than I do, but I never have to worry about my wife kicking me out of bed.

    Relax, people….

  • Rick

    I LOVE heavier women a lot more than thin women (sorry to offend any thin women out there). I love curves on a woman and thin girls seem to not have too many of them. Give me a woman 20-40 lbs overweight and I am HAPPY, and she will be to!!! I used to date a girl who was a size 16 and she was so incredibly sexy that I could not keep my hands off her. She was a feast to the eyes. If she was a size 6, it just would not have been the same.

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  • Tann How

    I’m 18 and a year ago I met someone who I never thought could go for someone like me. He’s super tall and extremely thin and he is good-looking. He’s better looking than all the guys I’ve seen in university and in school.I’m way shorter, am overweight and don’t have a beautiful curvy shape(I’m an apple shape as opposed to an hourglass or a pear or even a nice ruler). It’s not even like I’ve an amazing, sparkly girl-next-door personality either. I was so stunned I couldn’t make one single move although he expressed his interest in me. It’s probably because I never had anyone attracted to me in high school and as a university freshman, I was really hit on by guys as some kind of casual entertainment(besides their serious, committed long-term affairs). And so I’m not with him. I don’t see him anymore. I thought that other people were superficial. But aside from uber low self-esteem and lack of feeling of self-worth, I was being superficial myself- I was judging him and a potential relationship based on his looks and mine, just like every one else would. But I still find it hard to believe that someone like him could really feel anything like that for me. Man, it’s sooooo annoying I have this mindset and it is horrible as hell, that I can’t change it.

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  • fitness guy

    I know this is an older post but I fully agree, the “thin” and “fat” league compartmentalization doesn’t really make any sense, as if we’re all bound to one of these compartments and not allowed to date outside it. Everyone should be allowed to have desires and standards, even if they’re “opposite” of your own body type, as long as you don’t speak negatively about what you don’t like. Everyone have their desires and turn offs, just be open about what you like and keep the turn offs to yourself. Simple as that and we’d all have a better world!

    As a fit guy in a relationship with a “bigger” woman I’ve heard this talk of “leagues of attractiveness” more than enough. But it is as simple that I prefer women that aren’t fitness queens and that she prefers her men ripped, based on those preferences we do take action to stay attractive to each other, because what matters is what _we_ see as attractive and not everyone else’s opinion.

  • Amelia Allen

    Yes! This is amazing.