Online Dating: Stop Asking Me For Pics… Please!

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Last week I went through all of Time Waster Guys text messages before deleting them. One text in particular stood out.

Can you send me some more pics?

Why are online guys always asking for pics?! On my profile, I have five photos. Two head shots and three full body shots (all tasteful, of course). These photos are so that any guy I’m talking to knows exactly what I look like. Most guys only have one or two photos, but somehow my five photos are never enough, they’re always asking for more!

Me: I have photo’s on my profile, did you see them?

Him: Yeah, that’s all you have? lol

Me: Yup

Him: Aww… too bad :-)

Time Waster Guy asked me for photos again on the phone during that fateful conversation we had last week and I explained to him that if he really wanted to know what I looked like, he could plan a date to see me in person (…and we all know how that ended).

I’m not dumb. I know that by “more” pics, Time Waster Guy was asking for “sexy” pics. I know that he wanted me to go into the bathroom with my cell phone, take off my pants, stand in front of the mirror, put my leg on the toilet seat, arch my back, put my hand on one hip, snap a picture of my butt in lacy panties and text it to him. Then he’d probably reply with something like “nice” (which would be kind of a let down after all the contorting I had done on my bathroom toilet).

I know I can be traditional, to a fault sometimes, but the whole “sexy pics” thing is something I’m not budging on. Men are finding a way to be involved with us and never ever be in our presence. They text us, email us and then boom, we’re supposed to strip down and create soft porn for them to save in their cell phones?

No thanks.

There is something special about hearing someones voice for the first time, looking them in the eyes, feeling their energy, smelling them, touching them… this is how we as humans connect. And before you start thinking that I need be wined and dined from the start, let me say that its possible to connect with someone over $1.50 cups of coffee in Central Park (I know, because I’ve done it). I don’t need a guy to spend money on me, I just need him to spend time with me and to put out energy and effort to be around me.

When Time Waster Guy asked me for the additional pics, I was disgusted with him, but then I had to take a minute and think. Maybe its not his fault, maybe it our fault as women that guys think they can get us naked without even meeting us.

These guys think its okay to ask this Plus Size Princess for “sexy pics” because there are other PSP’s out there who send out half naked photos to anyone who asks. If every girl who was asked for a “sexy pic” refused, maybe guys would realize that meeting a girl in person is way more exciting than an image on a screen!

Men are hiding behind “LOL’s” and “:-)” and we’re letting them… that’s not okay.

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  • Doll

    agreed. so not ok

  • http://www.theliterarygothamite.com Lauren

    I’m totally with you. So gross.

  • http://www.socialitedreams.com Vonnie

    oh god, there’s nothing i HATE more than that question over and over….you want to see how I look, get off your lazy cheap ass and take me on a date then! you won’t need 15 pictures…and you’re right, I’ll have more pictures than them posted and they want to keep asking for photos. sorry, not undressing down to my bra to snap a photo for you, keep it moving.

  • http://www.hilarity-in-shoes.com C_Girl

    Well, I have come to see that there are certain red flags that let me know early on to jettison a guy, and the more pics plea is definitely one.

  • http://thetaleofgoingnatural.blogspot.com Leslie

    I remember getting those when I was out in the dating world. If they asked multiple times I would get pissed as hell and snap a pic of me just waking up. Head scarf on, drool the whole nine. They left me alone after that.

  • http://co jo

    I hate when women get blamed for men’s bad behavior. It’s women’s faults that men ask for too many photos, implicitly sexy ones? That’s the attitude that keeps women oppressed. I agree that a woman should stand up to pressure from men to send photos if she doesnt want to, but I bet there are some women out there who enjoy sending sexy photos and that’s ok too. If a man does something disrespectful it’s HIS fault period. Don’t blame other women.

  • http://www.everdaywear.blogspot.com V

    I agree with you CeCe! It’s not okay for guys to be like this and stopping them in their tracks is what’s necessary. Guys ask stuff like this b/c they want to see if you’ll take the bait, if you do, he’s going to ask again and again. If you don’t, he knows you’re not that kind of girl. I’m not into Dr. Phil, but one of his quotes stands very true…”You teach people how to treat you.” I think if you give into guys and let them treat you like trash, they will do it over and over.

  • Just Saying

    Sexy pics are solely for the exclusive b/f…ONLY.

    There is something happening on those online sites for sure. I’ve been asked many times for “more pics” and have refused only to have all communication end. I’m fine with that.

    There are a few women out there will low self esteem that ruined it for the others.

    A male friend told me about this time last year, that men will ask heavier women to do and for things they wouldnt ask a thinner woman. When I asked why, he informed me that “some” men think heavier women are lonelier and are willing to be a little more freaky just to get some attention or lovin.
    (apprently their think we’re not getting any)

    Crap. He’s right.
    There are a group of men out there like that. I’ve encountered them. Many of them. Refused them all. Sad that there is that shitty idea floating around out there with some men.

  • http://luxelittlethings.blogspot.com tee.

    “Men are finding a way to be involved with us and never ever be in our presence.” Ah, I love this! (Most) guys will forever try to get the most through doing the least. And the internet just makes it all so easy.

  • Jaclyn

    When I got the “more pics” request I just cut off all communication. Life is too short to deal with shallow idiots – just ignore them.

  • http://missmelisamae.blogspot.com MissMelisaMae

    You nailed that one on the head, girl! Nicely put!

    XO

  • http://www.metanotherfrog.com/blog Skye Blue

    Love this! it’s amazing how little some men are willing to invest in meeting women, and even more amazing at how many women let them get away with it.

  • B.Good

    I think we’ve been talking to the same guy, lol.

  • http://www.thehopefulromantic.co.uk the hopeful romantic

    What an awful experience. You were right to react as you did – before you knew it they’d be up in the internet somewhere (don’t get me wrong if that’s your thing -do you). Now if only we could get the message through t teens.

  • http://www.skinnydip.ca Skinny Dip

    This entry is totally on point.

    I think I would have responded exactly the same way you did – “if you want to see more, lets meet for a date” (but, at the time same time I’d be turned off). I agree that this kind of behavior is becoming the norm rather than the exception to the norm…because we let it be. Its time we all put our foot down.

  • http://http://singlemuchny.blogspot.com Nicole

    OMG. I have had this SAME problem on several occasions. It’s such a disappointment. I NEVER send pics like that to a guy unless they are in a SERIOUSLY dating me. Also, they have to earn it! Do these guys think we’re nuts? We are just going to send a sexy picture of ourselves to a total stranger?! It could end up on the internet for God’s Sake!
    I’m always shocked that men are ballsy enough to request this. Do some women actually just jump at the chance? I’m passing no judgment if that’s what you’re into but it certainly shouldn’t be something a guy can ask so casually.
    I’m sorry this guy was such a douche. NEXT PLEASE!

  • http://www.datehater.com Date Hater

    Great article. I’m a guy and ask for more pics sometimes. I usually do that under these circumstances:

    1) Their pics are total BS. Examples are, only headshots, they’re way off in the distance, intentionally misleading angles, blurry.
    2) I can tell she’s the type of person that wants to talk online for weeks before she’s willing to meet. With a bigger upfront investment, I want to know what I’m getting myself into.
    3) I feel like she wouldn’t get offended. I rarely ask for more pics, but all things being equal, more is better.

    But, from your article I can tell you’re none of these things and I probably wouldn’t have asked.

  • http://twitter.com/girltrueheart Lusty Sagittarian

    I couldn’t have stated it more accurately myself. People, men and women, need to be held accountable for their actions.

  • http://www.coloredgirlsblogging.com Erika Jewel

    Grrrr, You already know how I feel about this.

    I blame myspace, lol.

  • Theresa

    Since, I’ve never dated from on line (only because I’ve been married for many years!) Isn’t there a way to post that you’re not sending additional photos on your stat page (or whatever it is that they actually see)? Maybe women should start asking them for more photos first…lol! Men won’t change unless you make them! Great post!

  • http://bookofdistraction.blogspot.com Moons

    It is such a disappointment. He isn’t the right guy for you.

  • Len

    amen. all that needs to be said… so stop doing it already to all the starved-for-love but settling for scraps chicks who keep reinforcing this lame idea and practice to men…. so disgusting how guys can deem this sort of pornographic, demeaning request acceptable… and absolutely revolting that there are women who cave to it and delude themselves that their replies to our debasement is “appreciation.”

  • 5haron

    Nuff said. I have put my IM name, PIN, etc. out there for friendly conversations & guys have constantly asked for add’l pics – meaning sexy pics. This is AFTER I tell them up front that I do not and will not send pics. If you want to see me, I will honestly explain myself – full figured, tall light-skined woman of a certain experienced age – & they still continue to persistently ask for pics. I agree that we, as women should take a stand & not be so forthwith with the sexy pics to just anyone.

  • http://diet-blog-success-stories.com/blog Debbie

    Is it just male egos running wild…thinking if we are big women, we are also easy, happy to dole out because we are so needy…where do these men come from? Don’t give them a second thought….they are so not worth the effort….

  • Crystal

    I’m so happy I stumbled upon this blog. This post in particular is EXACTLY what I go through.

  • Kelley

    PSP getting naked for men on dating sites? Where do princesses of ANY size do that? Those PSPs are Plus Sized Prostitutes! I’m just sayin! If YOU don’t respect you he’s not going to either!!!!!!!!!!

  • Truth always

    its cause were trying to figure out how you look. we dont want naked pics!!!! some girls have pics from like 5 years ago! AND only put up some that make them look much better than they actually are. Experience talking here. LOL

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  • http://datingandmatinginamerica.com Kelli

    LOL — I used to get this one. That and asking for my IM handle are two big “hit the reject” button mistakes in my book.

    But, I have to admit… for a while I would just mess with them. I had a bunch of pictures of me with progressively more and more clothes on that I would dole out every time they asked. The stupid ones were like Pavlov’s dogs… just kept bonking their nose on the computer screen asking for more. At one point, I sent one guy a picture of just my foot. It finally got the point across. (And it made me laugh.) I’ve also done the, ask them for pics thing. But after my first few penis pictures, quit that in a real hurry. Yuck.

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  • http://Plentyoffish Roxygirl

    OMG I’ve had a guy ask for more pics.. I said no sorry but that is for Boyfriends only.. And he continues with how he wants to fly me out and spend the day with me and that I am his girl and he will take care of me financailly.. So please send naked pics… OMG what is wrong with men now days

  • Elise

    So glad I found this. I tried to find insight into this behavior. Yesterday, I was asked to send a pic and I sent my face in picture only. I thought that was what he meant until I woke up and pondered the request. I am not even sure if he meant to ask for sexy pictures but it’s a hell to the no if he did. Thanks!

  • Neen

    Omg I needed this…thank you thank you

  • Ashlee Hinds

    Agreed!!!!!!

  • Peace

    June 1, 2014: Worldwide That’s Enough Day

    All women everywhere close our legs and inform men that if they want those legs open again, they will improve their conduct to us, they will groom themselves as well as gay men do for each other, they will treat us with respect, and they will stop requesting nude and demeaning porn pictures of us. No nookie ever again until compliance.

    Level up, ladies. 6/1/14, pass it on.

  • Robin

    I just saw this after my own “have any more pictures” request and was like, no not really what you see is what you get…and of course they are like “boring” and I am like, later! sorry this girl doesn’t play that game….I am not a boring girl by any means but I draw the line at pictures to random strangers. *time wasters*

  • Alexa

    PREACH IT!!!!
    it’s just the craziest thing… all of the sudden you start to wonder what are men AND women thinking…it is a sad sad reality…

  • Thursday Tacos

    Well, good for you for showing full body shots. Many women won’t go that far, hence the legitimate request for full body shots. In his case, he may have been a pervert and looking for nekid pictures.

  • timetoletgo

    Don’t assume guys want nude sexy pictures, when he asks you for a “sexy picture”. After all if you are cute, beautiful all the above that apply then in some pictures you look sexier. That’s another reference for sexy picture ladies, so don’t assume other things.