Online Dating: Don’t Waste My Time….

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I got home from work on Friday and I was exhausted, I could not wait to make dinner and curl up on my couch to watch bad TV. As I scrolled though my DVR list, my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hello Beautiful,” said the deep voice on the other end. It was a guy I had met online a week prior. For a week I’d been telling this guy to actually pick up the phone and call me instead of sending a text. It seemed like he was finally getting the hint. We chatted for a while and then he said,

“So, what are you doing tonight?”

“I don’t really have plans,” I said, wondering if he’d take the opportunity to set up a first date.

“Oh, okay… I’m trying to get my car situation taken care of. I’m waiting to get it fixed. Would you date a guy who didn’t have a car?”

“I don’t really care about that kind of stuff, that’s what the subway is for,” I could feel myself getting bored. After he rambled on about his car situation some more, he started to ask more specific questions.

“What would you want to do?” “What movies are out right now?” “What time could you meet up?”

I answered his questions and started to muster up the energy for a last minute date, just as I prepared for him to suggest a meeting place, he paused.

“Alright well, I think I’m just going to lay low tonight. Maybe we can do something next weekend. ”

I paused and then said, “Okay, have a good night.”

“Hold on! You don’t have to hang up… we can keep talking on the phone, right?” he gave a nervous laugh.

“I don’t think so. Take care.”

One of the annoying things about online dating is sifting through the guys who are dead set on wasting my time. These men seem to be looking for pen pals, people to text with all day or phone friends. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that they want girls in their lives, but they don’t want to put out any time, effort or resources towards keeping them. These men seem more content to chat on the phone during their lunch break than to actually invest in a relationship. Unfortunately I’m at a place where I want and need more. The “talking” phase of a relationship is supposed to last about a week in my opinion.

If a guy wants to keep things on the phone/text zone for a long time, I just have to cut him loose!

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  • http://www.socialitedreams.com/ vonnie

    there are SOOOO many time wasters online, I just don’t get it. What was the point of him asking all of that stuff for the evening and then talking about next week? I don’t do last minute dates, especially not for a first date, but still why even act like he’s setting it up?

    They all do seem to want to just text/email/im for life and then flake when it comes time to actually DATE

  • http://www.rhapso-dy.com Rhapso_DY

    I understand the frustration of a time waster, but I honestly don’t mind it when a guy wants to take the time out to chat. I don’t do it enough. Sure you guys can chat on a date, but it doesn’t always have to be about having a guy spend money on you to know he’s interested. It seems like that’s something you’re looking for.

  • http://scandalinthechoirloft.blogspot.com D. Scandal

    Thank you! It’s not just me! I feel the same way! It’s like they just want to e-mail for a while and waste your time, or worse, text you constantly every day without ever making an effort to do anything!

    I soo hear you on this.

  • http://http://singlemuchny.blogspot.com Nicole

    Good for you girl! I run into this problem all the time. I’m like, why are you dating if you’re not really ready to date?? Sometimes guys are totally clueless. I’m actually writing about a clueless guy right now. I’ll keep you posted. :) I hope in the future I can cut it off as soon as I sense it rather than let them get a way with it.

  • http://www.hilarity-in-shoes.com C_Girl

    This is one of my pet peeves. The other one is the email fail: where you send an email that asks a few questions…just early, get-the-ball-rolling kind of stuff, and the guy writes back with answers but asks NO QUESTIONS OF HIS OWN. Seriously, if you’re going to make me do all the work already, at the flirty email stage, this will not work.

    Unless there’s a compelling mitigating circumstamce, I don’t reply to emails that don’t ask me any questions, and I don’t keep communicating with guys who haven’t been willing to meet after a week. As you said, I don’t want a pen pal.

    I think they do it because they prefer the IDEA of a woman to an actual, flesh-and-blood, complicated human being who might–god forbid–have needs and desires that have to be taken into account.

  • http://www.coloredgirlsblogging.com PJ

    Oh. Em. Gee. What’s up with that? I’ve been through that more times than I care to admit. First of all, why is asking you to CALL me vs. text, bbm, etc me like pulling teeth? (It’s funny, I just blogged about that this morning) I’m convinced that these folks just want a distraction in their day. They don’t and can’t possibly really want anything more.

    This is my first comment on your blog, though I’ve read it for quite some time. I guess we were just on the same wavelength today.

    Whew…

  • http://pleasebgood.com B.Good

    I’m dealing with one right now. It’s been a week of talking, I brought it to his attention, and he did the same thing. Asked all the questions leading up to a date, and then putting off for the next weekend. Womp womp. Time to stop answering the phone, lol.

  • http://missmelisamae.blogspot.com MissMelisaMae

    Oh girl, I know that feeling all too well and like you, I don’t have the patience for it. I do a pretty darn good job of wasting my own time without getting help from others.

  • http://twitter.com/girltrueheart Lusty Sagittarian

    I highly suspect he may have wanted a last-minute booty call. But I don’t mean to sound so jaded! Whatever the reason, he’s not worth the time. Repeat after me, “Next!”

  • http://www.thesavvybrunette.com @MsNycole

    I completely understand what you’re going through, in fact I’m in the middle of a draft on online dating. Just as Lusty Sagittarian said, it sounds like this man was looking for a potential booty call.
    The thing that bothers me is when I go on a first date with an online guy and it seems to go great. He’ll text after or call after and talk about how much he wants to hang out and then ALL OF A SUDDEN….NOTHING. I don’t hear from him again. If he was talking about a 2nd date and how much he wanted to hang out and then all of a sudden he disappears I’m shocked, I think he must be married or with someone right?

  • http://msjanelle.blogspot.com freeyourheart

    wow. was he serious?

    i totally get him wanting to text and not call. i worked as a customer service rep for 2 years and was on the phone 40 hours a week, and i’m kinda over it and prefer texting, but um… after building up to a date then suggesting it next week? that’s kinda the most.

    it would be hilarious fodder for a sitcom if it wasn’t so tragic. and real. smh.

  • http://quarterforherthoughts.wordpress.com/ IntrigueMe (Quarter For Her Thoughts)

    Agreed! If they’re not going to step up to the plate, cut them loose!

  • http://www.themarathonsmistress.blogspot..com Toddy

    CeCe-new reader of your blog. Look forward to reading more. Thanks to CGirl for sharing this w/ her blog buddies. However, hate to disagree with ALL above me but Im gonna have to. When did we all become so cynical? When did we demand start demanding perfection? Do we want real “flesh and blood” men? Or only the idea of men that say and do everything right when it comes to dating? Im sick of guys who waste my time and dont follow through too BUT this guy called. You hinted, he called. It was the first live conversation. You were bored w/in secs/mins yet still wanted a date? When you wanted to get off, he wanted to talk to you more. How bad would it have been to have a longer chat? To get to know each other and increase his confidence through easy pleasantries and small talk? If hes single and online dating, one reason could be hes never been good at dating, another could be hes been burned/rejected before. I wasnt on the phone, you were, but maybe next time give the 1st time caller the benefit of the doubt? Just a thought. Cheers! -T http://www.themarathonsmistress.blogspot.com

  • http://zombieloveaffair.blogspot.com Danielle

    The guy wanted attention from a female that would give it to him. Plus he was probably sitting at a Jiffy Lube and had nothing else to do and decided to call you. 1 week is more than enough time of emails back and forth, then you should meet. I personally don’t like more than 2 phone calls during that time. If I can go without giving them my number, all the better!

  • http://www.rookiewifediaries.blogspot.com Lindsey

    Good for you for not letting him waste your time! A real man who is interesting WILL do whatever necessary to meet you and show you a good time. This guy was a loser.

  • Pingback: Online Dating: Stop Asking Me For Pics… Please! | The Big Girl Blog

  • http://bookofdistraction.blogspot.com Moons

    I totally agree. When a guy likes you, he will do whatever it takes to date you. If he had to wait for you, he will surely do that. This guy is a loser. Do not go out with him again.

  • older/wiser

    It is much too easy these days for men to play their little games, only now technology is on their side. A man should have to work to get a date, non of this texting garbage. The date is planned in advance and it had better be interesting. I don’t do coffee. That is a waste of time. Online dates always want to do “coffee”. I can have fun doing anything and my time is valuable and when I am out is out doing something fun or I would rather be hanging at home in my pj’s. Seriously girls, don’t let these idiots walk all over you. A man is just not that important in the grand scheme of things. If he does not pursue you then don’t pursue him. Cut em loose and take some time for yourself. You are worth more than this. Over 50, yes 50, still cute and happily demanding respect from the other sex.