I absolutely love your blog and I check it every day; the reason I’m emailing you is that I’m going through a tough time in my relationship and I very much need advice/opinions on the situation from women that can understand where I’m coming from.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I’m not sure that the relationship is going to work out because of something he said a while back. When he met me, I was a size 14 and at the beginning, everything was great. A few years ago I started gaining weight and got up to a size 20/22, without really any reason; a few doctor’s visits confirmed that I had PCOS. I busted my butt working out and dieting, but the weight wasn’t just melting off. My boyfriend started making comments about my weight and telling me not to eat certain foods and pushing me to go to the gym…something that stung, but I thought he was just being caring. During an argument, I brought up my weight and he said that he didn’t want to marry me if I didn’t lose the weight because he wanted a healthy wife that would be able to drop baby weight and get back to a healthy size without too much work…he said that if I didn’t learn to lose the weight now, when I’m young, then I wouldn’t know how to lose it after kids. This left me feeling really sad and confused, but again, I just thought he was concerned for my health.
A month ago, I almost ended the relationship and he said he had changed his mind, that he would marry me the way I am. Even after he said he would marry me, I didn’t feel so sure that it was true.
Today, I was on his computer and I was bookmarking some pages for my use later. I opened his bookmarks folder to move the pages to mine and I realized that he had bookmarked a link to one of those yahoo question type pages where a guy was saying his girlfriend was obese and that he was losing attraction to her and he didn’t want to lose her, but he wanted her to lose weight and needed help with ways to approach it. Something inside of me kind of broke and I just wanted to cry.
I would love to know what your opinion is on it, what would you do in my place? Am I being too sensitive?
Confused in California
P.S. If you’d like to post this on the blog, I’d love to hear what TBGB readers have to say.
First of all, I’m giving you a big hug through the computer screen! As Plus Size Princesses we put so much pressure on ourselves when it comes to our weight and its even harder when the people we love start to keep tabs on it as well.
Next, I’ll say two things:
1.) I would hope that any decisions you make wont be because you’re scared you wont find someone else. If you feel like you deserve more, don’t stay in your current situation because you don’t think another man will love you. Maintaining a size 14/16 with PCOS is a HUGE deal, you should be proud of yourself. You were sweet enough to add me as a friend on Facebook and I can see that you’re gorgeous, talented and have soooo much going for you.
2.) You should read “My Skinny Boyfriend & Those Three Little Words” a Curvy Convo from last year. Your post reminded me of hers, but the tone of your boyfriends words are very different than the guy in that post. While the guy in the “3 little words” post has a loving tone, your boyfriend seems to have a harsh/abrasive/ultimatum style when it comes to discussing your body and that concerns me.
Overall, I dont think anyone can tell you exactly what to do in your relationship because, we’re not there 100% of the time, but I know a lot of my readers have more experience with long-term relationships, marriage and weight than I do, so I’m going to turn this over to them. They always give me good advice so I feel comfortable putting you in their hands.
So, Lovelies do you mind helping a fellow PSP out? What do YOU think “Confused in California” should do?