Flirting At The Gym


I had been swimming steadily for twenty minutes. The pool wasn’t too crowded, so I had a lane to myself which was nice. As I sailed across the pool, I lifted my head occasionally to take a deep breaths as my arms and feet propelled me forward. After 40 minutes, I’d had my fill of cardio and made my way to the ladder on the side of the pool.

I pulled myself out of the water, grabbed my towel and began to dry off. “Excuse me,” I heard a mans voice say behind me. I stepped forward to move out of his way, but instead of passing me, he stopped in front of me. “You’re a really good swimmer,” he said with a smile.

“Th-thanks,” I stuttered, trying not to stare. The man standing in front of me was eye candy at its best. He had one of those effortlessly amazing bodies; not super muscular, but toned to perfection. New York City is a single girls playground, but as a Plus Size Princess I had always considered the gym to be no-man’s land. Guys flirted at the gym, just not with me.

“Have you been swimming for a long time?” He continued, tossing his towel from one hand to the other. Hmmm, maybe he wasn’t flirting. Maybe he just enjoyed talking about swimming

“Um, yeah… I kind of grew up in the water,” I replied pulling my towel around my body like a strapless dress so I wouldn’t feel so naked.

“That’s really cool. I really want to swim more, but I’m not that good…”

“Oh,” I laughed with a mix of nerves and confusion. And as the beautiful man in front of me continued to talk about learning how to swim, I just nodded, smiled and waited for the obligatory “nice to meet you” dismissal.

But it never happened.

He continued to shuffle back and forth in his water proof Adidas sandals. He kept asking me questions about swimming and in between questions, he made little jokes and drop tidbits of information about himself (His name was Joey, he was a culinary school student, he lived in Brooklyn).

Maybe he’s gay! I thought to myself, but a quick look at his knee length swim trunks spoke to the contrary. The gay swimmers at my gym all wore Speedos or tiny little boy shorts. This guy was dressed like a surfer. Then he began to ask me about things that had nothing to do with swimming; “How old are you?”, “What do you do?”, “Have you lived in New York for a long time?”

I answered his questions as I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I was being hit on, at the gym… in my bathing suit.

“Well,” he looked me in the eyes, “maybe we could meet up and you can help me with my swimming. I really want to get better.”

“Um, sure…”

“That’d be awesome, what days are you usually here?”

“Um, it changes every week”

“Okay, well… maybe I could get your number?”

“Okay.” I was stunned.

“Wait right here, I’ll get my phone from my locker,” he rushed through the mens locker room doors and 45 seconds later, he was back with his cell phone. I gave him my number.

By the time I got home, he’d sent me a text message saying it was nice to meet me. Who knows if anything will come of things with Joey, but I would never in a million years have imagined that a girl like me would meet a guy at the gym.

Life is full of surprises.


Work Out Wednesday: Thanksgiving!


This morning I stepped out of the shower and onto the scale.

I held my breath (as if that would make a difference) and watched the numbers roll around until they settled on a number. I was down TEN POUNDS!

I let out a sigh of relief, because I have been working my butt off (literally!) and I was scared that it I wouldn’t see results. I’ve been counting my calories, working out at least three times a week and pushing myself to try new things at the gym so that I get smaller and stronger.

When I wrote the first Work Out Wednesday post my goal was to drop 20 pounds before the end of 2010. That was two months ago, and honestly I thought I’d be further along but I’m happy with my progress. Of course, the hard part is going to be keeping my weight down during the holidays… This year I’m staying in New York for Thanksgiving and I’m hosting Thanksgiving dinner, so I’m going to have lots of leftovers to battle.

I know myself and it would be sooo easy for me to step on the scale after Turkey Day and see five additional pounds. Although I dont want to go crazy and undo all my hard work… on Turkey Day, I plan on eating!

I. Can. Not. Fall. Off. The. Wagon!

So, what’s a girl to d0?

I think I have to keep my fitness game on par, with no excuses/exceptions. I might have to become one of those annoying people who hits the gym on Thanksgiving day! I’m really hoping that being halfway to my 2010 goal will be enough of an incentive for me to stay on track. I’ll let you know how things go next week.

*fingers crossed*

Anyway, how’s everyone else doing? Also, what do YOU do to stay healthy during the Holidays?


My Boyfriend Isn’t Attracted To Me Anymore….


Hi CeCe,

I absolutely love your blog and I check it every day; the reason I’m emailing you is that I’m going through a tough time in my relationship and I very much need advice/opinions on the situation from women that can understand where I’m coming from.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I’m not sure that the relationship is going to work out because of something he said a while back. When he met me, I was a size 14 and at the beginning, everything was great. A few years ago I started gaining weight and got up to a size 20/22, without really any reason; a few doctor’s visits confirmed that I had PCOS. I busted my butt working out and dieting, but the weight wasn’t just melting off. My boyfriend started making comments about my weight and telling me not to eat certain foods and pushing me to go to the gym…something that stung, but I thought he was just being caring. During an argument, I brought up my weight and he said that he didn’t want to marry me if I didn’t lose the weight because he wanted a healthy wife that would be able to drop baby weight and get back to a healthy size without too much work…he said that if I didn’t learn to lose the weight now, when I’m young, then I wouldn’t know how to lose it after kids. This left me feeling really sad and confused, but again, I just thought he was concerned for my health.

A month ago, I almost ended the relationship and he said he had changed his mind, that he would marry me the way I am. Even after he said he would marry me, I didn’t feel so sure that it was true.

Today, I was on his computer and I was bookmarking some pages for my use later. I opened his bookmarks folder to move the pages to mine and I realized that he had bookmarked a link to one of those yahoo question type pages where a guy was saying his girlfriend was obese and that he was losing attraction to her and he didn’t want to lose her, but he wanted her to lose weight and needed help with ways to approach it. Something inside of me kind of broke and I just wanted to cry.

I would love to know what your opinion is on it, what would you do in my place? Am I being too sensitive?


Confused in California

P.S. If you’d like to post this on the blog, I’d love to hear what TBGB readers have to say.

Dear Confused,

First of all, I’m giving you a big hug through the computer screen! As Plus Size Princesses we put so much pressure on ourselves when it comes to our weight and its even harder when the people we love start to keep tabs on it as well.

Next, I’ll say two things:

1.) I would hope that any decisions you make wont be because you’re scared you wont find someone else. If you feel like you deserve more, don’t stay in your current situation because you don’t think another man will love you. Maintaining a size 14/16 with PCOS is a HUGE deal, you should be proud of yourself. You were sweet enough to add me as a friend on Facebook and I can see that you’re gorgeous, talented and have soooo much going for you.

2.) You should read “My Skinny Boyfriend & Those Three Little Words” a Curvy Convo from last year. Your post reminded me of hers, but the tone of your boyfriends words are very different than the guy in that post. While the guy in the “3 little words” post has a loving tone, your boyfriend seems to have a harsh/abrasive/ultimatum style when it comes to discussing your body and that concerns me.

Overall, I dont think anyone can tell you exactly what to do in your relationship because, we’re not there 100% of the time, but I know a lot of my readers have more experience with long-term relationships, marriage and weight than I do, so I’m going to turn this over to them. They always give me good advice so I feel comfortable putting you in their hands.

So, Lovelies do you mind helping a fellow PSP out? What do YOU think “Confused in California” should do?



Work Out Wednesday: RED VELVET CAKE!


I’ve been doing really well with my eating. Bringing my lunch to work along with fresh fruit and yogurt has helped me to stay full without gorging myself at the restaurants around my office downtown.

Yesterday we celebrated one of my coworkers birthdays in the office. Her department brought in cake. And not just any cake… they brought in a rich red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

In other words, they brought in baked crack.

I discovered baked crack red velvet cake a few years ago at a bakery in my neighborhood. I quickly developed a “slice a week” habit that took me weeks to shake. Every Sunday after church, I would walk to the bakery, order a $5.50 slice of Red Velvet and take it home to enjoy with a glass of soy milk. Now I can indulge once in a while, but I know I’m one forkful away from a relapse.

I followed the lead of the (skinny)girls in my office and asked for “just a sliver” of cake. I took my small piece back to my desk with a bottle of water and savored every last morsel. The “sliver” I’d requested was not a full indulgence and although I was proud of myself calorie-wise, I was jonesing. I decided to get another bottle of water from the kitchen to ease my craving but before I could get to the water cooler, I heard my name, Pssst… CeCe! I turned around to see where the whisper came from but no one was there. I took a few more steps towards the water cooler and then I heard it again, CeCe… CeCe. I turned to my right and there, sitting on the lunch table was… the rest of the red velvet cake calling my name. I guess all of our “slivers” hadn’t made much of a dent in the cake, because there was a whole lot left.

My mind started to wander It would be so easy to take another hit of Red Velvet… no one would know… I could even do an extra 20 minutes on the treadmill to burn it off!

I tried to avoid eye contact with the cake, leave me alone! I wanted to say… but who talks to a cake?

I stayed strong, grabbed two bottles of water instead of one and ran out of the kitchen before my addiction took hold of me once more.

Whew, that was a close one.


Online Dating: Stop Asking Me For Pics… Please!


Last week I went through all of Time Waster Guys text messages before deleting them. One text in particular stood out.

Can you send me some more pics?

Why are online guys always asking for pics?! On my profile, I have five photos. Two head shots and three full body shots (all tasteful, of course). These photos are so that any guy I’m talking to knows exactly what I look like. Most guys only have one or two photos, but somehow my five photos are never enough, they’re always asking for more!

Me: I have photo’s on my profile, did you see them?

Him: Yeah, that’s all you have? lol

Me: Yup

Him: Aww… too bad :-)

Time Waster Guy asked me for photos again on the phone during that fateful conversation we had last week and I explained to him that if he really wanted to know what I looked like, he could plan a date to see me in person (…and we all know how that ended).

I’m not dumb. I know that by “more” pics, Time Waster Guy was asking for “sexy” pics. I know that he wanted me to go into the bathroom with my cell phone, take off my pants, stand in front of the mirror, put my leg on the toilet seat, arch my back, put my hand on one hip, snap a picture of my butt in lacy panties and text it to him. Then he’d probably reply with something like “nice” (which would be kind of a let down after all the contorting I had done on my bathroom toilet).

I know I can be traditional, to a fault sometimes, but the whole “sexy pics” thing is something I’m not budging on. Men are finding a way to be involved with us and never ever be in our presence. They text us, email us and then boom, we’re supposed to strip down and create soft porn for them to save in their cell phones?

No thanks.

There is something special about hearing someones voice for the first time, looking them in the eyes, feeling their energy, smelling them, touching them… this is how we as humans connect. And before you start thinking that I need be wined and dined from the start, let me say that its possible to connect with someone over $1.50 cups of coffee in Central Park (I know, because I’ve done it). I don’t need a guy to spend money on me, I just need him to spend time with me and to put out energy and effort to be around me.

When Time Waster Guy asked me for the additional pics, I was disgusted with him, but then I had to take a minute and think. Maybe its not his fault, maybe it our fault as women that guys think they can get us naked without even meeting us.

These guys think its okay to ask this Plus Size Princess for “sexy pics” because there are other PSP’s out there who send out half naked photos to anyone who asks. If every girl who was asked for a “sexy pic” refused, maybe guys would realize that meeting a girl in person is way more exciting than an image on a screen!

Men are hiding behind “LOL’s” and “:-)” and we’re letting them… that’s not okay.


Online Dating: Don’t Waste My Time….


I got home from work on Friday and I was exhausted, I could not wait to make dinner and curl up on my couch to watch bad TV. As I scrolled though my DVR list, my phone rang.


“Hello Beautiful,” said the deep voice on the other end. It was a guy I had met online a week prior. For a week I’d been telling this guy to actually pick up the phone and call me instead of sending a text. It seemed like he was finally getting the hint. We chatted for a while and then he said,

“So, what are you doing tonight?”

“I don’t really have plans,” I said, wondering if he’d take the opportunity to set up a first date.

“Oh, okay… I’m trying to get my car situation taken care of. I’m waiting to get it fixed. Would you date a guy who didn’t have a car?”

“I don’t really care about that kind of stuff, that’s what the subway is for,” I could feel myself getting bored. After he rambled on about his car situation some more, he started to ask more specific questions.

“What would you want to do?” “What movies are out right now?” “What time could you meet up?”

I answered his questions and started to muster up the energy for a last minute date, just as I prepared for him to suggest a meeting place, he paused.

“Alright well, I think I’m just going to lay low tonight. Maybe we can do something next weekend. ”

I paused and then said, “Okay, have a good night.”

“Hold on! You don’t have to hang up… we can keep talking on the phone, right?” he gave a nervous laugh.

“I don’t think so. Take care.”

One of the annoying things about online dating is sifting through the guys who are dead set on wasting my time. These men seem to be looking for pen pals, people to text with all day or phone friends. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that they want girls in their lives, but they don’t want to put out any time, effort or resources towards keeping them. These men seem more content to chat on the phone during their lunch break than to actually invest in a relationship. Unfortunately I’m at a place where I want and need more. The “talking” phase of a relationship is supposed to last about a week in my opinion.

If a guy wants to keep things on the phone/text zone for a long time, I just have to cut him loose!