Too Much, Too Soon….

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A few weeks ago I was venting about the days between meeting a guy online and meeting them in person. For me, this is the worst part of dating. I have certain rules about this time period because I know that although I do my best not to have any expectations at all, I often find myself dumping my hopes for “Mr. Right” on a man I’ve never even met. Something that makes it even harder is when the guy I am due to meet does too much, too soon.

If a guy has never laid eyes on me, its probably best that he refrains from:

- Sending Good Morning/Good Night texts
- Emailing/Calling daily
- Calling me pet names like “gorgeous” or “beautiful”

(Of course, if we’ve met and are actually dating, these things are not a problem… as a matter of fact, they are encouraged!)

I can usually keep myself from getting excited when a guy does too much, too soon but with Mike Lowery I got caught up. I allowed the regular phone calls and emails to dominate the days before we met.

I would giggle when he called and said, “I just wanted to hear your voice…”. I found it adorable when he admitted that he, “spends 30 minutes drafting my emails to you because I have to proof read and spell check them,”. I even told my friends about when he dialed my number during our first date and left a voice mail from the table saying what a great time he was having with me.

I’m not saying that I thought Mike was The One or anything, but I didn’t anticipate things falling flat so soon after our first date. The most I’ve heard from Mr. Lowery was in the comments he left here on the blog two weeks ago. Maybe the “too much, too soon” behavior should have been a red flag.

Augh… am I becoming cynical?

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04617294319074603189 doll

    i sorta knew this would get weird…like this

  • Blenche

    You are very right to be wary of too much attention too soon.
    This man has built up an ideal image of you before meeting you, and that's never good.
    It's very immature of him in fact!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17610055274570109434 None

    He…. is just another MAN!
    It sucks but it is what it is.

    Did you ever think he wanted to go out to get more attention from you on your blog? Because he is getting it now.

    Mike… you should know a good thing when its infront of you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07064399321609533501 Melissa W

    I was wondering what was going on with Mr. Mike. I feel like this is a similar scenario with men around America. I think THEY get caught up and when they realize they are moving too fast, they slow it up. Not lose interest, but slow it up b/c they don't want to fall too fast.

    Problem is, as females, we are naturally emotional. We like to connect on deeper levels. Even the best/hardest chicks can fall for the extra phone call, gesture of appreciation, or compliment. Don't feel bad, but let him keep the pace of this situation.

    Give it a time limit, 2 more weeks, 1 month; and let him know what you liked abt the date and your exchanges. If he still acts crazy. Toss it up as a loss.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17610055274570109434 None

    BTW I just went on Mike's page and he is NOT good looking!! He is average at best. Oh Cece you can do sooooo much better.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17610055274570109434 None

    OK.. so again I was on his site (I am sure he loves all the attention we are giving him)

    Looking at his rants.. I know he lies.. saying people from blog nation sent him pics of all these crazy people in stores. WELL this is an email that was set around to everyone about "People of Walmart"

    Nobody sent you various pics MIKE.. you may have been forwarded the same email millions of people were… and made your own stupid, ignorant, racist comments.

    Cece.. WTF are you or were you thinking? This guy is just a LOSER!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15981265696532210283 Leslie

    Instead of crticising the guy that she had a date with, lets lift her up and let Cece know that next time she will find someone more compatible!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14001446426217751815 Megs

    I think the bigger thing here is talking about becoming cynical. I think that all of us go through this. I know that I had an awful experience this weekend. It hardened me a bit, but I'm not sure becoming a little cynical is a bad thing. Perhaps it allows us to slow things down on our own. When it is right I still think you will know. The cynical you will be gone because when it is right it really just is. At least this is what my two most cynical best friends have told me. Also you are dating in New York City if you can come out of that and not be a cynic then you need to start giving lessons.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11535284054603002882 janelle

    can i say i'm proud of you?!
    you took a big risk,
    going on your first blind dating,
    and knowing the guy read(s) your blog.

    you knew from the beginning,
    if it didn't work out,
    he'd have the chance to read your innermost thoughts.
    that took courage.

    you?
    cynical?
    no.
    cautious?
    a bit leery?
    perhaps.
    but those aren't bad things.

    dating sucks sometimes.
    and disappointment sucks even more.
    men oftentimes have their own measures of time.
    they don't see their "stepping back"
    or doing what they once did,
    as a diss or perhaps a fade away.

    regardless of all that,
    i'm proud of you.
    you did something few of us have the balls to do.
    be proud of that.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14154356254069392823 One Lusty Sagittarian

    Sorry to get all higher mindset and meditative, but bear with me for a moment please.

    Every experience, the good, the bad, and the fugly offers us something to learn about ourselves. If we pay attention, we move on that much wiser. If not, we're doom to repeat that lesson until we do.

    That man is inconsequential. What matters here is you. Look inward, breathe, focus, reward yourself for what you accomplished, take notes on what you learned, and most of all: Keep Calm & Carry On.

    A wise woman is cautious, not jaded.

  • Anonymous

    Dear CeCe,

    I have to say thank you. Today has been one of those days where you just feel like sitting and crying…because your hormones are on some kind of rollercoaster and sometimes things in life suck.

    I make it a habit of reading your blog, and today it was exactly what I needed to get over myself and move on to bigger and more important problems.

    I'm sorry things don't seem to be working out between you and Mike…just means it wasn't meant to be. My theory is that "The One" is never the obvious, and just when you reach the point when you aren't looking for a relationship, life takes you by surprise.

    As always, thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04106092363732337130 Je m’appelle Danielle

    I wouldn't call it cynicism as much as being realistic. Everyone wants to make a connection, (with the exception of dirtbag player guys) and him having someone to talk to, exchange emails and texts, was having someone to communicate with during the day.

    Of course women read in to this kind of attention more than men do, but next time I would stick with your rules, to the T. Who cares if he has to wait a while to hear back from you?? Your the one left with your feelings in the end.

    Also if you are going to put a time limit on hearing back from a guy, give it 3 days. If he can't man up within that time frame to ask you out again its his loss. NEXT!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09086500727998442794 “Just Sayin…..”

    It's all common sense.

    Pet names are a huge pet peeve for me if we're not dating exclusively.

    I think we're just living in a time where casual dating is the norm and people have become lazy about courting women properly.

    yes I said "courting" and I'm not 80yrs old.

    Common sense and manners in general seem to be a thing of the past. You are not cyncial but wanting a certain calbour of men to treat like a lady.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15479980691366086356 Punky

    I'm sort of surprised by the negative comments on here.

    But yea, you're right Cece, not being responded back after a good date is a huge let down. But at least he's not the last guy on earth =)

    Can't wait until the blog post sometime in the future where you tell us all about the one who is "The One" =)!

  • http://jessdowney.com Jessica Downey

    I have had the exact same thing happen many times. All to often is seems guys kind of get wrapped up in what they think they should say to a woman rather than what they actually feel. I always feel like an idiot for falling into the whole thing. But then I kind of realized that I don't think it's a bad idea to give a guy the benefit of the doubt. If a guy is being genuine then time will tell and that will be the "proof".

  • http://noskinnywomen.wordpress.com/ noskinnywomen

    Love your blog – hope things turn out okay for you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15684323876376363106 Evangalines_Dream

    I am slowly becoming addicted to your blog. I think your rules are a good idea but what good is a rule if you can't break it every now and then? He turns out to be a jerk? Screw him. You are obviously one FABULOUS woman that he does. not. deserve. Keep your head up. =)

  • http://blog.daddysplace2.com Mike Lowrey

    To the folks with comments:
    Unfortunately I've been handling some major issues with the mother of my daughter. I'm pretty sure that I told CeCe that, I don't know if she mentioned it to y'all in a post.

    I do tend to withdraw from everyone when I need to focus on things in my life that can effect me or my daughter.

    Not that I'm not just another man. Or you knew this would happen. But I'd like to say that a phone can work both ways. I've never said for CeCe not call, or email me. I just withdraw when I'm going through certain things. Not to just CeCe but basically everyone I know. Except Mom Dukes and my Gmoms of course.

    And to none…Obviously you have trouble understanding English.
    The pics are from the walmart site and that's where I got them, but I let the members of my site who HAVE sent in numerous walmark pics know that I haven't been reading all of my email messages and if that they didn't see a pic that they sent me in that post to please not be mad, I will get to my mail and respond to their emails.

    I've said that CeCe is a great person. But the assumption that I don't have a life is very wrong.

    I had a great date with CeCe.
    As far as I know, I haven't treated her wrong, disrespected her in any way or spoken negative about her or the date.

    I do live in a different state, I run an IT dept and have other responsibilities. Shortly after I returned back home I let CeCe know that I was going through some things. and that I would get back to her about blogging. I haven't seen one email or call from CeCe since then.

    I don't blame CeCe for not picking up the phone. But I won't allow folks to judge me when they don't know me and stay quiet. This is the first time I've visited the site in about 30 days.

    It has nothing to do with moving too fast or scared or any other of the shot in the dark ideas that's been commented. I think some folks should switch to decaf.

    What's immature is blaming everything on me like I just fell off the Earth and wasn't answering calls or emails.

    Because you read something I blog about doesn't mean you "Really" know me. I'm not mad at any of your comments. But I'm a grown ass man and will speak my mind. Love it or Leave it.

  • http://blog.daddysplace2.com Mike Lowrey

    I had to check my dates after writing my response.

    In my comment I said that it had been 30 days since visiting the site. That is not correct.

    Its been actually 2 weeks and 2 days since I've last spoken to CeCe and the visited the site, not 30 days, not months or not years.

    I just wanted to correct that statement. Lol.

  • Anonymous

    Mike, I still think two weeks is a long time not to contact someone, but hey, that's my opinion. It sounds like bad timing on your part but at the same time…how hard is it to send a quick text?

    It's fine if you want to withdraw…stuff comes up. Just know that not everyone will understand, especially women! In my experience, if a guy is interested…he wants to stay in touch no matter what is going on.

  • Anonymous

    Cece..

    You dont need baby mama drama, or someone that "disappears" when they are " dealing with issues"

    This is all so tacky now, talking about baby mama's etc.

    I mean really Cece… you are far far to good for these EXCUSES.

    Lets face it, if he were interested then he would make the effort.

    As for you picking up the phone to call him…. why on earth would you when he told you he was "going through some stuff" plus didnt he say he cut himself off from the world?

    Cece.. PLEASE stop posting and talking about Mike.. I am thinking he loves the attention.

  • Anonymous

    Last Anon speaks the truth!!!!