Curvy Conversations: Online Dating & The Plus Size Princess

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Its been a while since we’ve had a Curvy Conversation… this weeks letter is from “J”:

Hi CeCe-

I have to ask: why do you do online dating? What benefits do you get out of it versus being hooked up by friends or meeting men out in public? I’ve been going out more, to diverse places, and am striking out. Meeting people through loved ones and co-workers doesn’t seem like a go. Despite not wanting to go back to online dating, I feel like it may be my only other option at this point. So what are your thoughts on the pros and cons of online dating? How is it useful to you? What are some good options to choose from?

-J-

Hi J,

First of all I think its great that you’re getting out there, meeting new people etc. even if you feel like you’re “striking out” you’re way ahead of a lot of other single women!

From your letter it seems that you’re either online dating or your doing the “in-person” thing. Make sure you’re always doing both. You can be part of a co-ed softball team, have a friend set you up and have an up-to-date dating profile at the same time! Online dating is just another way to meet people. Its like any other bar or club where there are a whole bunch of men and women checking each other out.

For me, the main difference is my approach to the whole thing….

I’ll be the first to admit that as a Plus Size Princess, I walk around with my defenses up most of the time. When I’m out with my friends, there is no way that I’m going to walk across the bar and approach a cute guy. On the other hand, if a cute guy approaches me I spend the first few minutes of our conversation worried that he’s actually interested in one of my (skinny)friends. I’m guarded because I’m afraid of getting hurt and I’m afraid of rejection (who isn’t?!) online dating can alleviate some of those fears.

For example: if I decided to approach 10 guys in a bar and the first guy I approached shot me down, I probably wouldn’t even continue with the other 9. On the other hand, when I send a message to 10 guys and only 3 respond, I’m so busy getting to know those 3 guys that I’ve forgotten that there are 7 who blew me off.

I could talk about online dating forever, but I will leave you with a few of my rules for online dating:

Cast a wide net: I know there are some dating websites for “BBW’S” but so far, I’ve had better luck on mainstream dating sites. Don’t limit yourself!

-Start with the free dating sites: although you might have to sift through a bunch of losers, you can practice reaching out to guys in a confident, flirty way without breaking the bank.

-Post pictures that show who you are: no one likes surprises. If you know you’re a Plus Size Princess don’t upload a photo of only your face. Show your curves (tastefully!) Be confident and be honest.

-If you like him, meet him: Don’t drag things out by exchanging emails for 2 months before meeting in person. I usually try to meet a guy within a week of our initial contact online. If we’re not a match we can both move on! Of course, always be safe and let your friends know where you’re going/who you’re with.

I hope that helps… what do my PSP’s think? Do any of you date online?

xoxo,

CeCe

P.S. If you have a question, would like my advice, or if you just want to say “hello” I love hearing from you, so feel free to email me! nycece@gmail.com
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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11535284054603002882 janelle

    thanks for answering my question.
    as soon as i sent it,
    i decided that i wouldn't let my lack of prospects defeat me.
    i'm still trying new things,
    going new places,
    and joined a couple of dating sites.
    i liked okcupid the best,
    so i'm sticking with that one.
    (i had a bad experience last night
    where a white guy said
    "would you be offended if i said you were hot,
    and that i want to do nasty things to you"
    but it's all a part of dating.)

    my friends say i need a hobby to meet people,
    so i'm working on finding something i like doing with others.

    you gave me good tips.
    hopefully something will work out.
    but for now,
    i'll be okay being single,
    with no prospects,
    on my 25th birday in a couple weeks.

    thanks again!

  • Ellie

    Hi and I just wanted to comment on your advice for "J". When I was single (married now for 5 years) I did both. Dated online and of course met guys through others. However in my case, I met my husband online. We met about a month after corresponding and talking on the phone.

    Of the advice that you offered I have to give a thousand thumbs up to: do not post only a picture of your face..show your curves.

    I always straight up told whomever I was meeting that I was heavy and my profile picture showed pretty much who I was. My very first date with my husband was at a local BBQ joint and I ordered my food like I was eating by myself. To this day my husband says that he knew then I was being real and that was the key to his heart. He says if I had ordered a salad and then faked I was full, he knew I would be lieing and therefore probably not worth his time. Mind you I didn't pig out or anything but I did get me a large tea, a bbq chicken sandwich and a side of pecan pie!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12370680306582812114 Something She Dated

    I think you're advice was perfect…it's all about casting a wide net…just like the boys say for them…it's a numbers thing…if your (our) body type is something that attracts 5% of the population…if we only interact with 20 people in a month we'll only have a shot with 1 person (quick someone double check my math) but if we interact with 100 people…that number immediately moves up to 5 and so on and so forth. Plus…just having other avenues to meet people should up your confidence just because it's giving you more practice and easing the pressure…as a plus size dating blogger…I know it can be tough…and in general dudes can be douches (not just the ones who like PSPs) so keep at it and enjoy every second…(or at least every other second…sometimes you need a quick pity party and then move on :P)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14154356254069392823 One Lusty Sagittarian

    Great advice. Stay open, lightning could strike!

  • Single Much?

    Is that true about only 5% of the population liking plus size gals??!! Oh, God, I really hope it's not. I feel like I have pretty good luck online but that is a scary statistic.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12370680306582812114 Something She Dated

    SingleMuch?: No No No lol :P Don't you know that 53% of statistics are made up on the spot? (just something funny I just read on twitter) but seriously the point wasn't the number…I just chose an arbitrary number…the ratio is what's important…plus…I live in an extraordinarily healthy and health conscious city so my results will always be a little off I'm guessing?

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05054126686282305128 Rebecca

    For a lot of people dating online is a good way to meet a potential partner, but I think some of the tips you have shared and the comments really help. I'm a plus size girl and have recently started using a Dating London website, so I'm obviously quite apprehensive about it all.

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