Men Every Big Girl Will Meet: The Foreign Guy

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Looking back on the men who’ve tried to “holler” at me, there are certain reoccurring trends. I can basically pin point specific “types” of men who I’ve consistently encountered as a Plus Size Princess in New York City and I’m willing to bet I’m not the only PSP they’re approaching. So, this week I begin a series called “Men Every Big Girl Will Meet”. Maybe some of these dudes will sound familiar… Here we go!

Theres a really sweet girl who has been interning at my office. She’s from the south, she has blonde hair, big green eyes and a chunky frame. I went to grab a cup of coffee the other day when I heard her talking to one of the other interns. Apparently, over the past week she:

Monday: Met a middle eastern guy on the train who was hot but way smaller/shorter than she’d like
Tuesday: Let him take her on her first date… ever
Wednesday: Had her first kiss with him (it was awful)
Thursday: Realized they weren’t a match due to his broken English and overly emotional ways
Friday: Dumped him.

As I Eavesdropped listened to the interns story, I realized she’d met… The Foreign Guy.

Foreign men love big women. So, when a big girl is shopping on 5th avenue where the mentality is that “you can’t be too skinny or too rich”, she shouldn’t be surprised when the foreign man on the corner selling knock-off handbags gives her more attention than the sales people at Saks.

I guess the obvious reason is that the standards of beauty in other countries are very different. In the sixth grade I can remember Mrs. Osaki teaching us about Yang Guifei, who brought down an ancient Chinese Dynasty because she was so hot. She was also chubby during a time when size conveyed a certain social/economic status. Basically she was fat because she could afford to eat, and everyone wanted to be fat to show that they could afford it too. The 11 year old Plus Size Princess in me was slightly annoyed that that I wasn’t born in that era. (Is there a Chinese translation for “You can never be too rich or too… fat?”).

Then there are the African and Middle Eastern countries where wives are sent away to fatten up in order to become attractive for their betrothed. The more they weigh on their wedding day, the better. As my engaged friends sign up for fitness boot camps in order to lose weight and fit into their wedding dresses, I wonder how much easier it would be if they were buying their dresses a size too big with the hopes of gaining weight, instead of a size too small in the hopes of losing it.

The other thing that stood out to me from our interns story was that her Foreigner was very emotional. I’d had a similar experience a few years back.

One night at Divas, I met a really cool economics major from Senegal. Obviously he liked big girls because he was at a big girl club. We had a good time on the dance floor so when he asked for my number, I gave it to him. He called me the next night to go to dinner. I didn’t have plans, so I went. After dinner, he became very clingy. He was calling me all the time, wanting to see me, telling me I was the girl he’d been looking for etc. etc. He was saying nice things, but it didn’t sit well with me. After a while I realized… he was lonely.

A lot of these foreign guys come to the states for a better life, but they leave a lot behind. They don’t have family or friends here, but they aren’t socially acclimated to American culture which can make it difficult to make friends. Especially in a city like New York, where although there are millions of people its easy to feel isolated.

I’m not saying that all foreign men are tragic and lonely. I’ve had a good time dating Middle Eastern, Australian, African, and Turkish guys. My mom is an American girl who got swept off her feet by an engineering major from across the Atlantic and 30+ years later they’re still together (and he’s a great husband and father ♥). But my mom was a little thick back in the day and my Dad liked what he saw. So their love story still falls under this category.

Foreign men like girls with a little extra here and there, which actually brings me to the next man every big girl (in New York) will meet: The Cab Driver. But more on that next week… stay tuned!

P.S. Have any of you dated a guy from another country? Or been approached by one online? How’d it go?

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07200481431389353304 -AV-

    Chyeah! He was from London, and he absolutely adored me, just the way I am. I treated him like dirt. Being grown and looking back on it today, I feel terrible. Yet I understand, the way he adored me really creeped me out. I suppose because it didn't sit well with me on the inside, and because I was still pretty young, to push him away I treated him badly.

  • Anonymous

    I'm from the Uk and engaged but was approached by a guy on a bus from Wales to London. It freaked me out cos he wanted to take me home to Africa to his brothers wedding and said that we should get married too! I politely told him I was engaged and that I wasn't interested in anyone else but he was so persistent and made me give him my number. He told me he was better than my man and that we would have many children. He continued to call me even though I never answered the phone when he called. I just about managed to convince my bf that I had no interest in this guy but it was close!

  • prncsde1981

    First and foremost…I LOVE your blog! I follow you on twitter and a fan on facebook. Okay, so I totally agree with you. I honestly didn't know about other countries and how they like thicker women. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. lol It all came together now. You are so true. I am a Big Girl and live in Chicago. I have been approached by Middle Eastern, European and more than anything Mexican. It does help that I am Mexican American but OMG me and my friends like going to Mexican bars every now and then because we go to those bars and we get SOOOO MUCH ATTENTION. We love it! Guys buying us drinks and then we go to the bar where everyone in the neighborhood goes (like the COOL bar). And not so much attention… lol but honestly your right. The guys at the mexican bars are from Mexico and may not have their family here or friends and are lonely. And about the taxi guys OMG!! I had one guy pick me up and then take me to my destination and tell me that I am beautiful and if I wanted to go out with him and possibly go back to his place. I was like uhhh no!! lol anyways you actually opened my eyes to all of this and …..I think I might move over seas now!!! lol Keep blogging! I love ya!! keep up the good work!

  • Anonymous

    you might be onto something here. i always just assumed foreign guys hit on me under the assumption that being fat meant i was desperate and would go for anyone. i've been hit on by mexicans and a guy from trinidad. and there's this guy from italy who's been sort-of stalking me now for a few years.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09826177885767438626 NikStar

    I had a guy from Argentina follow me creepily around a club after I danced with him a couple times. I rolled my eyes when I figured out that he was beyond sloppy drunk. He grabbed my face and tried to kiss me and I pulled out my pocket knife and let him know that I wasn't afraid to "make him smile" if he didnt leave me alone. Since I've moved to Chicago, I get approached mostly by Puerto Ricans, Jamaicans and Africans. I did notice how the Jamaican and African men are much more aggressive and it can be slightly annoying when you tell them that you're not interested and they continue to "attempt" to sway you.

    A few weeks later, my friends came to visit, and that same man from Argentina followed my friend and actually planted his lips on her cheeks. Totally disgusted lol

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11194807978672375444 BrooklynShoeBabe

    I've dated men from other countries in my teens and early college years. It was inevitable, really, since most of the guys I went to school with were from the Caribbean.

    Now, my fav foreign guys love big women story happened during a solo trip to Jamaica I took a decade ago. My hubby and I were having big time issues, and we felt that maybe separate vacations would help. I was nervous about wearing a swimsuit–afraid I'd be the only big girl on the beach. I wasn't on the beach for even an hour before I was approached by two Jamaican men. There were actually several big women at the resort, and the thinner ladies were being overlooked. My ego had a huge boost.

  • http://twitter.com/girltrueheart girltrueheart

    hahaha! Story of my life. Married a foreigner, then shacked up with a foreigner after my divorce….good times!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05518094942709187279 Ayumiin

    There was a certain German guy I ended up meeting online. Once he found out how much I weighed, he didn't shy away from me at all like I feared.

    I was moreso a woman on the side and I ended up getting out of the relationship after I had the time of my life with him.

    I've had a special spot for German men ever since <3 He was a very handsome man and his voice was rich like butter. I'd love to find someone like him in the States.

  • Secretia

    I have noticed that a lot of foreigners seem attracted to bigger women.

    Secretia

  • http://www.twitter.com/kemiade Kemi

    Yes, girl! I haven't had any positive experiences from any foreign dude yet. I just think its interesting to say the least. Its interesting to hear your perspective about it, it just the pushy-ness and clingy-ness is off-putting. Really it makes me wanna choke some guys.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07237691477472974300 Cid Style File

    HA HA! this has happened to me too. I was shopping in downtown LA at the garment district, lots of middle eastern men own shops there. I was approached by a Iranian man was very interested in setting me up with a friend. He said to "men in my country love girls like you" meaning "big". I told no thank you, I was in college at the time and said I was too busy with school. Then he asked what I was looking for in man, I told him I want someone who can speak my language…meaning spanish. That man turned around and says to me "yo hablo espanol" I speak spanish! I was shocked politely said bye and ran out….LOL
    He was nice and not bad looking but just not my type, I do give him credit for his persistence he got me good!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12126784664038319856 Jendayi St. Juste

    Ooooh yes I HAVE!!!! I thought it was my imagination that foreign guys have always approach me and now that I’ve read your blog I wonder is that the reason I find foreign men attractive?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08382030922676649070 Gina

    Hm. This has definitely not been my experience. This may hold more true for those big girls who fit more into the european ideal (lighter skin, long, straight hair) than my chunky brown self.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10456228024529738574 ~Sarafina~

    OMG So so so true… can't even count the number of foreigh guys that were obsessed with me when I was single. My girlfriends teased me and called me "the welcome wagon." LMAO

  • CURIOUS

    Please explain why it would be a turn off to a woman if a man is "overly emotional", like you specified in the first example with your friend, or "lonely"?

    The over-emotional bit may be a cultural difference. He may come from a culture where men actually EXPRESS their emotions instead of stiffle them, and as far as being "lonely" – why is that a crime?

    So what if the guy was lonely and wanted to make you his friend and hang out with you. What's wrong with that?

    It could've turned into a beautiful relationship.

    I'm a woman and even I'm asking here: what do women want???

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06424397776434505922 Ms. LMC

    OH GOSH YES!! African guys love me!! I realize that it's a cultural thing and not a fetish- and I'm cool with it. I know that in West Africa big women are revered, seen as fertile and rich- so it's only natural that if a guy comes to the States he might be inclined to be attracted to the same. :)

  • Anonymous

    Alot of foreign men are into me but i feel like in a way they are players haha. Ive met foreign guys who will know me for 5 mins and then ask me to marry them and they say they love me blah blah. I just find it annoying and when you tell them to go away your not interested they dont understand because hmm heres the shocker THEY DONT SPEAK ENGLISH!
    Also i feel like in other countries the woman cook ect ect well if you come over here to the states skinny girls dont know what the hell they are doing in the kitchen. Big girls know whats up when it comes to food hahaha

  • Anonymous

    @ Ms LMC
    Just no, I'm from Nigeria and I'm a fat girl. I can tell you that I've never understood this stereotype. Most guys here go for curvier chicks than they do in the states, that's true BUT curvy = a size 14 at most, bigger than that and you get less play. That whole Monique Phat Girls thing is a bloody myth, trust me I know

    Irked Fat Girl in Nigeria

  • Anonymous

    Well I am spanish american born in the usa. And I love big girls. The only problem I have is with big girls that have low self esteem and dress like they don't care.Big girls are hot, best personalites and great lovers.

  • http://blog.daddysplace2.com Mike Lowrey

    I do think dudes from other countries won't mind a plus size woman as much as the fellas here in the US.
    Russian dudes won't mind a hairy woman as much, every country is different.

    BUT Being from NYC I think a lot of foreign dudes hit up bigger women just to get married them and stay in the US.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07428177395779707932 Chotto Coquette

    I'm a curvy girl myself and I landed myself a Japanese guy that was actually from Japan!

    I know it is kind unbelieveable and that is why we always joke about how he is a big sumo fan, because of this line from "Something About Mary".

    Pat Healy: You can't forget, it's a sumo culture, Ted. They pay by the pound over there. Sorta like, um, tuna.

    It has never been that much of a problem though, but we do wierd out people sometimes when we visit Tokyo. Lucky for me his mom loves me despite being what she desribes as a bit "chotto".

  • Anonymous

    I'm a little upset, after reading some of the comments, that women seem to think foreign men only like them because they are "lonely" and away from their friends and desperate. Uh, no. I'm sorry but America is the WORST place in the world for a fat single girl who's looking for love. When I went to France, it was freaking raining men over there, and most French women are slender. And still I had dudes following me around. They were French men, so they were in their own country, not lonely and away from family. Foreign men like you because they have a DIFFERENT AESTHETIC than American men who've been brainwashed into thinking only a tiny woman is sexy. They also speak their mind more openly when they see someone they like. American men must have been coached not to do that either. And that's the way it is, folks. Go enjoy you some sweet foreign men. Many of them speak English, and many of them will worship you. Awesomeness.

    • Emi

      That is very true. I fell in love with my husband because he was different inside and out from anyome I’d ever met. He said even wjen he was living in his country he kmew he wanted someome different from his norm

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12592932999643976750 Modestkini

    I just came across this blog and found it very interesting indeed.Thanks for sharing.

    http://www.modestkini.com/

  • Flossie

    I didn't see this in any of the comments, and I wanted to bring up the fact that I have found a big-time stereotype (both here and abroad)about American women being the easiest in the world. It's pretty common perception world-wide (for a variety of reasons I won't go into here), but I think it's something to consider here!

    • Emi

      It’s so true. When I’ve got a friend (late 40s) who called her mother in colombia to say she met a good girl who is white! Her mom didn’t believe her! But I get that a lot when I’m out of the country of peoplong thinking I’m easy cause of where I come from

  • V

    Hey, I still like to comment on this one, cause its an interesting discussion.
    I am from Brussels, and over here it happens to me as well. I don't just get the attention from actual foreign guys (African, Moroccan or Turkish men), but also from guys with a foreign origin and who were born and raised here.
    That's why I don't think it is because they feel lonely, maybe it really is just a cultural preference. I have asked myself this question plenty of times and my friends and I often laugh with this stereotype I seem to attract. When I go on holiday Egypt, Turkey or Tunisia, I am always the one who gets hit on by the locals, instead of my petite girlfriends..talking about the world upside down!

  • Anonymous

    I believe that foreign men in simple terms have a different up bringing than american men. They are taught that all women are beautiful but its the bigger woman that will satify them in every way. and I must admit that big girls have the prettiest faces. I have been to several other countries and have been stalked and hawked by the men there. Because the world is so big i am no longer caught up in what ONE comtry feels is beautiful!! the majority rules (america stands alone on what theire idea of what beauty is)and if most other countries men love me who am i to say that this one place (america )is correct in its thinking. its clearly NOT.

  • annon

    I just stumbled on this site and can i just say awesome blog!!!! :)
    I’m from australia and let me assure you america is not the only place where the skinny girl idea is pushed – if your over a size 12 over here (don’t know what that is in american 3 or 4 or something???) its like your not human.
    I have been hit on by a few foreign guys and I totally get what people are saying about them being pushy. Personally it freaks me out how forward they are and i always (politely) shut them down. I’m sure their nice guys but i don’t feel comfortable with guys that are that open about their attraction, mind you i’m probably just not really comfortable with the idea that anyone could be attracted to me.
    Anyway its been intereting reading and keep up the great work!

  • Danie

    I dated an exchange student from Bulgaria. He was amazing. He just recently broke up with me due to him not knowing what he wants. He seems more intimate than American boys and he was quite adventurous. This made me want a foreign guy (who can speak english) even more. Plus is accent was delicious! He was a great lover and he’s a great person. I hope I can find another man that makes me happy like he did.

  • http://ForYourInformation HIBA

    i am a girl form middle eastern ,and i would like to tell u girls that men like skinny girls in my country . On other hand, men in united states are in love with fat women …. i dont know why …maybe because most of the girls are fat here ….anyway i am a fat girl and i would like to be healthy whatever size i have . i liked your post but u are being mean when u said that he had broken english because u dont know how much u are suffering in order to speak english correctly …we know two languges and we can understand what are you saying but if i said somthing about u , u would not know even a word … just keep it in mind

    • desertman

      what country would that be? since a good number of middle eastern countries perfer fat women.(afghanistan iraq gulf arab nations and a ton of chubby chasers on barbary coast(egypt morocco tunisa libya)). are you from lebanon? cuz they perfer slim girls due to french inflyence. in iran you get a nix between slim and fat girls but ibeisty is rising all over middle east espuxally among women. amerucan men like other western men perfer skinny girls but are afraid to admit it. they only pick them cuz they are easy lays. you can find them on returnofkings…they started fat shaming week.
      me personally i perfer slim girls since im botn inthe west while folks home country love big women.

      • Sara Green

        Well, I can tell you from my own experience that men in Iran prefer skinny girls. Obesity might be on the rise in the middle east but it’s usually among middle aged women… so if you’re under 35 -40 and single, you’d better be a size 10 or less. Otherwise it’s even difficult to find clothes that fit you and don’t look like you have borrowed your outfit from your grandma….

  • lana

    Im somewhat a big girl as well but I dont agree that most foreign men love big women necessarily, I think they like white women and are more accepting of her being chunky. although Im a fair/medium complexion Im pretty sure most large dark skinned and black women dont usually get the same attention as your blonde friend did

    • >>

      Well I have to disagree. Alot of black women big and/or small tend to fair pretty well with foreign guys. well at least in my and my friends experiences. Im a black girl and my friends are black and/or dark skinned ethnic women.

      • Dee

        I’m a black and girl and Foreign (middle eastern and european) guys seem to love me! Don’t know why but I get approached by them quite a bit :)

  • Francis

    CeCe! love your blog! -I’m reading you from Mexico city, I’m from the caribbean and came here to study- and I have met some guys like that lol and yes, you’re so right when you say is loneliness what make them act like that. But it’s not just a foreign’s people thing, it happens to anyone and everyday is more frequent, specially in big cities.

  • mudryst

    I do think that foreign men are more accepting of bigmen than our own American men. I cannot stand big women, and unfortunately, I could have married many womenderful girls if I were only attracted to the big girl. ukrainian girls

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  • Nish

    Ive been waiting searching for a blog like this with an article like this. I swore off american guys quite some time ago. And there isnt a day that american guys dont remind me why I did. I find foreign guys WAY more intelligent and can hold a decent conversation without always mentioning or going to the same ole fail safe topic of something sexual. They dont just simply ignore you or think that theyre too good for you.

  • Mezlini Afef

    I am a Tunisian girl and I remember how my ex bf (half Tunisian half English and a douchebag) told me once that he used to score fat girls back in England. So naturally I asked: Do you prefer big women? (am not big.) and he was like “no.. but they are easy because they have low self esteem” yeah.. I know. I am still wondering why I ever dated that prick..

    • desertman

      well girl thats what you get with the western guy. its all avmbout the notches or dumpster diving we xall it. sounds like hes more european then middle eastern.
      noticed the cpuntrys that like big women are from middle east ,bangladesh(steroids are fed to prostitutes to fatten em up to look sexier) pacific islands(fiji tonga sanoa etc),jamaica and some african nations. think they perfer big women dince those countrys have aleays had history if starvation i guess.
      while in asia its the polar opposite they perfer slim n petite.
      if ur a big girl those nations above are definatly places youll fond love.

  • http://www.LizBarnett.me/ Liz Barnett

    I’ve been approached by several online. I’m used to this as it has been happening for quite some time in my life. I also had international students in college who flirted with me. I realize that my size isn’t as attractive in the USA as it is culturally elsewhere so it makes sense to me.

  • http://www.LizBarnett.me/ Liz Barnett

    Oh – and not ALL foreign men love larger women. In some societies, historically it was more attractive for a woman to be larger because it was a sign of wealth. So even if that isn’t the case today, that has been carried on through time.

  • Eve

    Well, i’ve been approached by MANY middle eastern and african men, almost exclusively. You could say i have not once actually been approached by a white or asian man, i’ve only persued them. Anyways.. It’s mostly men from Marocco, Turkey and some Southern African countries. Often they don’t speak my language OR english well and i don’t really feel a connection, they just overwhelm me with compliments and it makes me uncomfortable, i never actually dated that kind of guy because they’re just coming on way too strong for my taste, i like to chase, not to be chased.