Large(girl) Lessons: Beware of the Bait & Switch

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Good morning class!

Today’s lesson is a cautionary one for my plus size princesses out there… But before I jump into things, let me give you a couple of back stories.

Story number one:

I was out at a dive bar on the Upper West Side with my friend Kenzie. We were enjoying cheap cocktails and singing along to the random songs on the juke box when a tall dark haired guy made his way over to our corner of the bar. “Can I buy you ladies a drink?” He asked. (Of course we said “yes”) Then he leaned over and whispered something into Kenzies ear and walked away. Kenzie sauntered over to me, “he just told me that he thinks you’re hot…” A few minutes later he was back with a round of drinks for us. He gave me a quick hello and asked my name, but didn’t say much more than that. After a bit of conversation and laughs he pulled Kenzie off of her bar stool and spent the rest of the night spinning her around to the cheesy music that was blasting as I sat sipping my cocktail.

Story number two:

I was out on a spontaneous girls night out with three of my (skinny)friends that I don’t get to see often. I wanted to make sure we got a picture of all of us together and as I was looking for someone to take it, I caught the eye of a guy who had been looking our way for most of the evening. I waved him over and asked him to take our photo; he obliged and after he took a few shots he looked up from the camera and said to me “you’re very pretty” my girl friends chimed in with “awwwww”. Then he handed my camera back to me, turned and struck up a conversation with my friend Mischa, who is stunning. He never spoke to me after his initial “compliment” but he did beg Mischa for her number.

Class, those were two examples of a flirting tactic men are using that I will call “The Bait & Switch” we’ve talked about the “Pity Pretty” but I feel like this is on a whole other level. This is when guys compliment a girl they are not interested in, so that they can get in good with the girl they are actually attracted to.

I have had two “Bait & Switch” experiences and I’ll probably have more. But I refuse to get cautious or second guess a mans intentions when he says something nice to me, because most of the time its genuine… and deserved (if I may say so!). In my observations the guy who flirts with a girl so that he can eventually get to her friend, lacks a certain self confidence. As a PSP that’s something I struggle with on my own, so its my job not to let the way he feels about himself affect me.

So what’s the lesson here? Don’t let a mans low self-esteem bring you down.

Class Dismissed!

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01233007341124315348 chocdrop

    I could not have taught that better!! I have been there too.

  • Anonymous

    applause! Well said teacher! At least u didnt got ignored like i was invisible for my experience. Funny hw sometimes the bigger u r more prone to invisibility?

  • Anonymous

    What Man-Jerks! I hope your friends saw those situations for what they were.

  • http://www.skinnyemmie.com Emily

    Been there, done that, hated it. Guys can be such douches sometimes, right?

  • http://www.datingiswarfare.com Dating Trooper

    This sounds eerily familiar. Have you heard of "The Game?" That' awful book that trains guys how to pick up chicks (they are called "targets" in the book) by being total a-holes. One tactic I am aware of is to ignore the girl they really like and chat up/compliment her friend. The theory being that girls are all so competitive and bitchy with one another that the one they like will get jealous and push her way in to get his attention. Makes me sick.

    Needless to say, this only works with what the book calls something like LSEs (?) for Low Self Esteem women.
    How low can human beings sink!
    Good for you for not letting it get to you!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04062744050350668104 Girl of True Heart

    I also read this as he's "being nice to the non skinny so that he can gain points with her skinny friends." Leeches suck all the way around.