Curvy Conversations: The Greener Grass

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Hello Lovelies, I was so excited when I opened my lonely little inbox and found this email waiting for me. Now we can have a “Curvy Conversation”!

CeCe,

I have been lurking on your blog for a while, and I enjoy your writing, and your honesty and sense of fun. I totally envy you shopping in NY (I live in very rural Canada). I can relate to much of what you write, but not as a PSP. I was a super skinny girl growing up, remain pretty small now, and I have experienced much of the same ‘passing over’ because I was so skinny (you see, no curves at all are just as unpopular to most boys).

But I have to disagree with your statement on your recent post that skinny chicks can just throw on jeans and a t-shirt and look great. If by great, you mean skinny, then maybe I can give you that point. But, for many of us skinny folks much work is needed to look good/great, too.

I can’t leave the house without makeup and hair done without people asking if I’m OK. If I wear the wrong clothes, then I look either anorexic, or like I’m a little girl dressed up in my mom’s clothes (ack!), or all sorts of other not so pleasing images that I don’t care to picture again.
There are the model types (and we all hate/love them together, trust me) that look good in anything, and everything, and appear to pull off great looks without effort. But I don’t know many people like that. (Thank goodness for my self esteem!)

I guess, I just wanted to remind you that there are ignorant people out there that discriminate about all manner of things (no curves, fat, too short, too tall, pimples, red-heads, etc…). And I am not saying that all discrimination and hurt is equal, because only we know the extent of hurt that we have felt.

The best we can do is respect what others feel, and how they want to be treated. And I guess I am a bit sensitive, because skinny does not automatically equate to pretty, or well dressed, or attractive. Skinny gets it’s fair share of ugly, too.

- Joy (Canada)

Hi Joy,

Your letter is so eloquent that I really don’t have much to add!

I guess while on different ends of the spectrum, you and I have more in common than I would have imagined. We both have to take a deep breath before delving into our closets in the morning. And while you worry about looking super young, at my current weight I feel as if I seem much older. (I’ve been called “ma’am” for as long as I can remember and have had people think I was the mom of friends my own age!).
I think you’ve definitely opened my eyes to some things, because I’ve always looked at extremely skinny women as extremely lucky, never taking into consideration the struggles that come with having a “different” body type no matter what it is. They say the grass is greener on the other side, but maybe its just a different shade….
xoxo,
CeCe
P.S. If you’d like to be featured in “Curvy Conversations” send your questions/comments to nycece@gmail.com
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I said I deserved the best… but did I believe it?

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I’m really good at dating “B” or even “C” list guys.

“B/C” list guys are guys who don’t meet my basic standards, who fall short on most of the qualities I’d expect from a man who was seriously interested in me. I think in the past I’ve found comfort in knowing that a guy is “out of his league” when he’s with me. I know its bad, but I think it helps me to keep my guard up, keep them at a distance…

I mean, its a lot easier to let go of something that isn’t a legitimate option, right?

Even though I’ve wasted time dating men who I really couldn’t see a future with, I’ve never let go of the idea that one day a guy would come along and he’d be all the things I wanted/needed him to be. Sadly, its just now hitting me that the idea never included him coming along while I was a PSP. I’m realizing that never in my wildest dreams did I think that I might find what I was looking for before I lost a significant amount of weight.

So… now we have Robert, who easily surpasses the things that I expect from a guy who’s interested in me (as he may be). We’re spending time together– hanging out, getting to know each other… but then something happens; when I’m alone, I freak out. I convince myself that what’s happening isn’t real. I convince myself that he’s just being friendly. At first I blamed what Jeremy put me through for my hesitation, but I think it goes deeper than that…

The high that I feel when Robert and I are together is followed by a terrifying low when I’m alone. I tell myself that somehow I’ve tricked him into hanging out with me every weekend and he’s just too nice to say “no”. I find myself talking about him constantly to friends, not because I’m obsessed with him, but because I’m trying to convince myself that this is actually happening… that he’s actually interested in me, which would imply that there’s an amount of attraction there as well.

How is it that I can understand that the “B/C” list guys who don’t treat me as well as they should are missing out. But at the same time not understand that an “A” list guy who dates me is getting a good thing?

My once solid self esteem is melting in the face of an actual prospect, I’m so disappointed in myself. I swore I was better than this… but I guess I didn’t believe it.

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