A Plus Size Princess & Online Dating

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In the craziness that is New York City Nightlife, is it possible to meet “Mr. Right”? The general consensus of my single girlfriends, plus size or not, is No.

But I would magnify that decision dramatically when it comes The Scene. While many of the plus size divas who attend these events seem to be open to love, the men who flock to the parties seem to view a plus size woman as a sexual fantasy, not a potential relationship.

So, what’s a girl who is looking for The One to do? I was brought up to expect certain things from a male who was interested in me. I am looking for courtship, chivalry and of course ultimately… love. After much disillusionment I realized I probably was not going to get that from a guy that I met in a club, BBW or otherwise….

One of my old co-workers recently became engaged. When she called me with the news, I asked how they met.

“Officially, we met on the subway,” she said. Then she lowered her voice, “but between you and me, we met on the Internet!”

This was the third successful relationship I had heard of that started online. Maybe my past experience had scarred me. I hadn’t looked into the Internet in years, maybe it was time for me to revisit. I started with the sites whose commercial theme songs I knew by heart, but after weeks I had little to no response.

Then I began to do some research, ha! I should have known that there were sites specifically for plus size princesses. I found an online community where you could register to be on sites based on things like religion, race and body type preferences.

I began talking to a banker named Matthew who worked on wall street, we had been talking via phone and Instant Messenger for the past week. One night Paige was over and as she checked her email on my computer I heard the chime of an IM come in (I had forgotten to log off).

“‘BKBANKER’, hmmm I know that name,” Paige said.

EEK! Paige was getting a glimpse into my new dating world and I didn’t like it. “That’s a friend of mine,” I said “I don’t think you know him…”

“I do,” Paige said. “Is his real name Matt?”

How did she know?

She saw the look on my face and laughed, “CeCe are you on an online dating site?” I had no choice but to confess. As it turned out, Paige was on the same site and, according to her, so were many of the other BBW’s from DIVAS.

“I used to talk to Matt. You shouldn’t bother with him– all he wants is sex.”

Augh! Here I thought I had found a loop-hole, a way to get out of The Scene and still find guys who were interested in a plus size princess. Somehow, I ended up walking right into the online version of the scene I was trying to avoid.

I wasn’t going to loose hope completely, I still had an inbox full of messages, hopefully from men Paige had never spoken to….

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04788562844616109426 AroundHarlem.com

    LOL …….. your life mirrors mine in so many ways.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16295405140701372825 Dating Trooper

    The smarmyness of “The Scene” never ceases to amaze me. Don’t you just wish there was a “safe zone” where REAL freakin’ people could go to meet?! I thought that was E-Harmony but then I dated what I thought was a “nice” guy, but it turned out that he “wasn’t looking for a relationship.” Uh, it’s e-harmony dude. Haven’t you seen the commercials? Apparently he hadn’t. Of course, he tells me this AFTER he sleeps with me. Good luck Princess. I’m rooting for you!

  • Dina

    Don’t lose hope! I met my husband online 7 years ago. We were married 5 years ago and have a 4 yr old son and 10 month old daughter. Take the time, weed thru the crazies…. it’s well worth it!
    Good luck!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972 KT

    I met my boyfriend on match.com, so it IS possible to find great people…it just takes a while.

  • Anonymous

    Hiya, I found your blog through the BlogHer ad. I read all your entries and enjoyed them, I will be back!

    I am a big girl too, almost 5’9″, over 220#. (I NEVER admit that.) I live in the South, moved from LI when I was 21. I could not stomach the thought of being single and dating in NYC or even LI. Bad self esteem, I guess. Why did I think it would be easier down here? It wasn’t easy. I did the online dating thing too and it was rough. But it works for so many people.

    I got married almost 3 years ago. To a man almost 2 inches and at LEAST 60# lighter than me. I always dated men who were taller and/or bigger than me, it was required. I am self conscious about my size, always have been. Even more so since my husband is smaller. But he doesn’t care, and he is the kind of man I always dreamed of in ways other than his stature. I am glad flats are still in style. I only wear my 3″ wedges to work. :)

    I am sure that you have heard this before, but, please dont make height one of the most important things you look for in a man. If I had continued to blow my husband off when he asked me to go out, I don’t know where I would be now.

    Also, I had like ONE single girlfriend to go out with. You’re lucky you have several!

    I hope this comment doesn’t rub you the wrong way. I don’t know how old you are, but I think I am older than you (I’m almost 36!) and I see a lot of my younger self in your posts.

    I really hope you meet a wonderful man, and soon, if thats what you want. I really do!

    Danish

  • Suzy

    I can so very well relate to your blog…being plus size has its own adventure…but please done lose heart like this…it should no way dampen your spirits…there are zillions of guys ready to meet you up…why dont you try Bluepont?…I ave heard it actually works in helping you meet the better half …

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02472653016651788395 Aleina

    If you are still a singles and wants to mingle with your friend or of your GF or BF than now you will not be singles any more. Among completelly free online dating sites its a very much reliable and good dating site for singles where they can find a dating partner from their local region through out the glob.

  • http://www.luvfree.com Dating

    I can so very well relate to your blog

  • http://asingleraeofsun.wordpress.com A Single Rae of Sun

    I just discovered your blog and I am totally hooked. I just got out of a 9-yr relationship, and reading your posts has made me excited and also COMPLETELY TERRIFIED to date again.

    And when you do find a place where you can meet a REAL man, please share. =)

  • MizzBee

    I realize these are some really old posts but I found your blog a few hours ago and I have not been able to stop reading!!! I LOVE IT ^_^ your blog is like a book that i never want to put down. I can relate to this story a lot. From your side (not being able to find a guy who wants a real relationship with a plus size female and trying to find love online). But i also relate to those you know who had found successful relationships online because that is how I met my current boyfriend and we have been together for a little over a year.